SAUCY SECRETS: My husband destroyed my self-esteem with his ‘innocent’ secret. Now I’ve found out… and I don’t think I’ll ever get over his betrayal

Dear Jana,

For more than a year my partner has been unable to maintain an erection. It really affected our sex life and I believed this was because he didn’t find me attractive enough, which he barely denied when questioned.

Last week I was digging through his bedside drawer for our spare phone charger. I found some pills that I had never seen before, so I googled them, and they turned out to be male pattern hair loss tablets. My Google search turned up many articles warning of the link between medications and erectile dysfunction. Judging by the almost empty bottle, he’s been taking them for a while, leading me to believe that our bedroom problems were my fault and not his rapidly receding hairline. I’m so angry!

How can I bring up the subject with him without seeming like I’m rummaging through his drawers? It’s a huge relief, but I’m having a hard time getting over the cheating.

Staff!

Anonymously

Oh anonymous,

This will be the simplest answer I’ve ever given, and I can sum it up in one word: divorce. Yes, divorce that man. How dare he make you feel unattractive just because he’s vain about his damn chrome dome.

We women are already dealing with periods, pregnancy, and perimenopause, and now this man wants to throw “unattractive” onto the pile of shit we’re already dealing with.

No. At the very least, he deserves a good metaphorical beating. (Not a real one, we never tolerate violence, folks!) And I wouldn’t mind him talking about you going through his drawers, throwing the damn pill pack in his direction and going “WTF?” shouted.

Surely we are all vain about something. I mean, I have a five-finger forehead that could signal aliens in space if they attached a radar to my head, but do you see me ignoring men because I’m insecure about it? No. I can just get on with it very well.

This man who allows you to feel insecure too because of his insecurity is furious and he deserves to have a good conversation with him. So say ‘not today Satan!’ and make it clear that it’s not okay for him to project his insecurities onto you. Point.

Dear Jana,

I chatted with a married man on LinkedIn after meeting him on a cruise with my kids. I am a newly single mother and have been saving to take my child on this trip. On board we connected with another family and our children became friends, so we ended up having dinner together.

One evening, after a long day of fun, his wife took their kids (and my daughter) back to their cabin for a slumber party. He and I stayed at the bar for a nightcap, and it got a little flirty, but we kept it harmless. Now that we’re back home, he follows me on LinkedIn. My friends think he chose that platform because his wife is less likely to check it.

I really enjoy our conversations, but I can’t shake the feeling that this could lead to trouble. I would like to remain friends, but is that risky? What do you think?

Anonymously

Ah yes, the platform where sneaky cheaters come for a little flirting – I know it all too well.

Your friends are enthusiastic about their opinions. This man knows that if his wife wants to catch him, Instagram and Facebook are her first stops. But “LinkedIn is a career networking app for heaven’s sake,” as my dodgy ex-boyfriend once put it.

‘There are no rules in the game of love; it’s about what you feel comfortable with,” says Jana

Spoiler alert: he was up to no good.

A quick Google search will reveal numerous articles suggesting that LinkedIn has become the new dating app, and I have to agree. I’d suggest passing off that holiday flirt as a one-time thing and focusing on finding a million other available men to befriend (or more). And definitely stay away from this one: there’s nothing scarier than a woman scorned. Trust me.

Dear Jana,

I hope you can help me. After seventeen years of marriage, I’m back in the dating world, and honestly, I feel lost. A lot has changed since my last date! How do women prefer to be dated these days? Back then, I just called their home phone and took them out to dinner. Now these dating apps seem like a whole new game and I find them overwhelming.

I’m really just looking for a nice woman to settle down with, but I keep hearing that I should date multiple women and that drinks are the way to go instead of eating out. I could really use some advice on how to navigate this new dating scene as a man in your late 40s. Any tips for this old fuddy-duddy would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you,

Roger

Roger, Roger, Roger, welcome to the modern dating era! You’ll love it here (**cough, cough, hate). My first piece of advice is to stop listening to everyone and date however you want.

If you want to invite a lovely lady over for a nice meal, go for it! If you prefer to date one woman at a time, I give you a big thumbs up. There are no rules in the game of love; it’s about what you feel comfortable with.

But take it easy. This isn’t a race to find the next Mrs. Roger. You may feel a little lonely and lost in the world of single life, but rushing to fill that void often leads to bad decisions. So the first step is to get comfortable being alone. Discover who you are without a woman on your arm, and you’ll get a better idea of ​​the kind of person you could happily spend the rest of your life with.

So why not date a few women – one at a time if you like? Just as Goldilocks took the time to find out which porridge she liked best, take the time to get to know each woman’s personality and see who best matches yours.

Get out there, study, and remember: dates are supposed to be fun, not job interviews!