Dear Jana,
Recently I have been suffering from an itchy and painful groin. I went to the doctors who looked at it and before I even took a swab they told me it looked like herpes. Sure enough, when the test results came back, that was the diagnosis.
I have been married for 15 years and this is the first time I have had an outbreak. I asked my husband if he had been unfaithful, but he assured me he had not. However, when I had him take a test, his results were also positive.
Now I feel deeply paranoid. Do you think he took it from someone else and gave it to me?
Anonymously.
Oh dear. I’m sorry to say that if I were a gambler, I’d put my money on him being up to no good.
To be sure, I asked a doctor friend, who told me that herpes can lie dormant in the body for years before someone experiences symptoms.
When I told the doctor that you had been married for 15 years and that this was the first discovery, he looked at me with raised eyebrows and said, “Yes, that’s a bit far-fetched, but it’s still possible.”
I would suggest looking at other telling factors of a cheater: Has he recently updated his appearance? More sports? Are you coming home late? Hide his phone? If everything seems fine, move on with your life and attribute it to an unpleasant health discovery.
But if I were you, I’d collect data. Investigate a little deeper and you might catch him.
Jana Hocking shares her best Saucy Secrets – and signature spicy advice
Dear Jana,
I recently got into a relationship and it was magical, until the other night when we had an argument with our lovers. I craved validation from other men, so I jumped on Raya again. I matched with a famous singer.
He’s been my crush since the 90s so this is a big deal. My boyfriend and I have since made up, but I still talk to the singer and have the idea of having a one night stand.
Is a hall pass acceptable when it comes to my teenage crush? I don’t know if my current boyfriend is forever and this opportunity feels too good to pass up.
Staff!
Anonymously.
Okay Anonymous, I’ll be honest with you. There’s a devil and an angel sitting on my shoulders right now.
The angel says, ‘Don’t be ridiculous, close your Raya account, concentrate on your boyfriend and be a good girl.’ However, the devil has a mighty big megaphone and shouts, “Life is short – DO IT!”
Bad devil.
I’ve always been a “do it for the story” kind of girl. So, as mischievous as this may seem, I’m siding with the devil in this case.
Why? Because when you read your post, there are a few things that really stand out.
So I say YES to a challenging one night stand. We all want that brutal story we can relive again and again when we’re old and gray, says Jana Hocking (above)
First of all, the fact that you jumped straight onto a dating app during a fight means you’re not completely in love with your guy. I’ve had many fights with hopeless boyfriends, but my heart was always too desperate to think about dating at the time. You’re clearly not ‘all in’.
Secondly, you say at the end of your post that ‘I don’t know if my current boyfriend is forever’ and I mean, you’re desperate for an excuse to fuck your gangster, but if you’re really madly in love, look you don’t go to anyone else.
So to a saucy one night stand I say YES. We all want that saucy story that we can relive over and over again when we’re old and gray. But first you have to dump your guy. Why cheat when you could actually have a guilt-free roll in the hay? If it all goes wrong, try to win your man back.
Just make sure you use a condom.
Dear Jana,
I have been in contact with a colleague (an fboi). I’m afraid he told someone who has now told the big boss because strange things are happening. My boss keeps asking me if I have any secrets etc. How do I deal with this professionally? It was fun, but I’m too paranoid to do it again.
Anonymously.
Jana Hocking tells Australians the hard truth about their relationship problems
I’ll be brutally honest: he definitely bragged and it got back to your douchebag of a boss. It sounds like your f-boy predictions were correct, but that’s not the person I’d be mad at.
I’d be more annoyed with your boss!
I think you can approach this in two ways. You can talk to the guy you did it with and ask him to tell your boss to stop asking questions. I mean, he’s clearly the one who bluffed, so he should be the one to have the awkward conversation to clear things up.
Or, if you want to set a clear boundary, I would look your boss in the eye and say, “I feel really uncomfortable when you ask me that. Can I ask why you keep asking me personal questions?” Let him finish. Spoiler alert: he won’t have the balls.
He will know right away that he is in trouble. Nothing scares a boss more than the smell of a potential HR meeting.
But seriously, if all else fails, HR is always there for a confidential conversation. They’ve seen it all and can help you navigate this workplace soap opera. Oh men, I really think they gossip more than us women.