SAUCY SECRETS: My boyfriend’s dad is trying to seduce me with creepy texts and I don’t know how to handle it

Dear Jana,

My boyfriend’s dad keeps sending me messages that are almost creepy. Last year we started a family group chat with my partner’s family and their partners to make Christmas plans and since then his dad has my number and will private message me late at night when he knows my partner is away on business.

They always start off innocently by asking if I’m okay and if I need anything while he’s gone. Then he says things like “a pretty girl shouldn’t be left home alone” and “If you need strong male company, I’m here for you.”

It puts me in a very uncomfortable situation. I don’t want to cause problems between my partner and his father, but I also want his father to stop crossing the line. How do I deal with this?

Anonymously.

Dear Anonymous,

Unfortunately, creeps come in all shapes and sizes. Bosses, coworkers, great uncles, that weird guy staring at you from across the bar. Alas, you’ve found a tough one. He’s clearly not someone you can tell to F-Off in no uncertain terms. So, let’s get creative!

Every time he texted I replied in a way that kept calling you a partner. For example, if he said, “If you need some strong male company,” say, “Thanks, I’ve found more than enough in your son.”

Or you can push the boundary a bit further and say “innocent” things in front of the whole family that imply he’s texting you separately. Like, “Sorry I didn’t respond to your text *John, I was fast asleep.” Hopefully he’ll be embarrassed enough to stop his sneaky texts.

The key to this is setting a very clear boundary. For some reason, many men confuse friendliness with flirting, so be polite yet firm in your responses.

If all else fails, fuck it, show your partner. If he’s a good man, he’ll fix it for you.

Dear Jana,

Last year I was watching a crime documentary and there was a guy on the show who was serving a prison sentence for something stupid he did when he was a young adult.

I was mesmerized by his kind blue eyes and his story made me feel unsettled – I saw the injustice he was getting for something stupid he did when he was still trying to find his place in the world. We’ve all done stupid things when we were young… he just got caught.

I decided to write him a letter in prison and get in touch. Since then we have been in weekly contact with phone calls and letters and I am developing real feelings for him. I think he is too.

My family and friends would be shocked if they found out my possible future boyfriend is in prison, but I know he has a good heart.

Should I give this relationship a chance and suffer the consequences, or do you think I should risk having my heart broken and my reputation ruined?

Anita.

Dear Anita,

As a former prison bird lover, I can understand the appeal. My guy was in and out of prison twice while we were dating, and it was all very exciting and scandalous… until it wasn’t.

See, it’s kind of a rite of passage to go through a bad boy phase. Some of us just take it a little too far. Even if the guy has a good heart and has turned his life around, you have to look at the bigger picture.

This man is crazy about you because he is literally locked up in an institution with no other women around. How exciting for him to receive regular correspondence from a woman who is clearly a little thirsty for him (there is no denying it, you cheeky devil).

As a former prison bird lover, I can understand the appeal. My guy was in and out of prison twice while we were dating, and it was all very exciting and scandalous… until it wasn’t, writes Jana Hocking (above)

I feel like you’re putting all your eggs in one basket with a guy who can find himself out of the prison gates and into a bigger pool of women to flutter his pretty blue eyes at. So for now I’d keep him as a cheeky pen pal and save the bigger discussions for when he returns to the real world.

You also have to ask yourself if you’re just a little bored and horny for a hot inmate. I get it. I’ve watched those crime documentaries and felt a little horny. But maybe part of your interest in a prisoner is knowing he’s not out there sowing his seed? Put him on the back burner and date others. You’ll have plenty of time to answer those bigger questions once he’s out of the prison gates.

Dear Jana,

My partner is always touching me in public and it’s out of my comfort zone. I’m a clingy person who likes to hold hands and share a kiss, but lately he’s been taking it a bit further.

He runs his hands between my legs when we’re sitting at a table or in a theater, and he grabs my ass when I’m going to kiss. I feel uncomfortable in front of the people around us and I don’t enjoy it. How do I tell him to stop without sounding prudish?

Fatima.

Jana Hocking tells Australians the hard truth about their relationship problems

Oh Fatima, we love a man who shares a common love language – and physical contact is the best of all! But this horny devil really needs to calm down.

You’re not a prude at all if you feel a little awkward when he gropes you in public. Just a week ago I was stuck on a plane with a couple who made out and moaned for an entire hour flight. It was GROSS and gave most of us around them a serious case of the shivers. So I guess it’s just polite to keep it PG in public.

I would playfully swat his hand away every time he tried to caress it and say something sexy like ‘just wait till we get home and then you can go wild.’ That way you don’t hurt his fragile male ego and you plant some naughty thoughts in his head for later. Win, win.