SAUCY SECRETS: It’s the intimate fear so many women have – but trust me, ladies, men DON’T care

Dear Jana,

Am I normal? Until last week, I thought all vaginas looked the same. But while I was at a health retreat, I found myself in a sauna full of naked women and realized something: most of them had “innies” while I had an “outie.” Now I can’t help but fixate on it.

To be honest, I think Innies look so much better and I’ve even started thinking about surgery. Do guys actually care about these kinds of things? None of the men I’ve been with have ever said anything, but now I wonder if they’re secretly saying to their friends, “I had a date.”

Please tell me they don’t care!

Anonymously.

Dear anonymous,

I better hope not, because I have a little outing of my own, and I always thought it gave me extra tingles down there. And we WANT extra tingles down there. Trust me.

But yeah, sure, innies are cute and I get the hype – but just like men’s woody woodpeckers come in all different shapes, sizes and curves, us women would be boring if we all looked the same. Fun fact: even in porn videos, women tuck them in a little to avoid giving the impression that they have (fabulous) labia. Why, women, why?

Anyway, in the name of good research, I asked the men (and lesbians) among us to share their thoughts. I asked my Instagram followers a simple question: Would you care if your wife or girlfriend had an outing?

And the results don’t lie, my friend… a whopping 88 percent didn’t care. Ultimately, I think most gentlemen are just happy to be offered a vagina. Actually, I know for a fact because many of them have slid into my DMs to let me know.

Guys, the ‘I LOVE FLAPS!’ messages should stop. And please – for all our sakes – don’t call them ‘flaps’.

So save your money for something much better than unnecessary surgery and wear your panini and roast beef with pride. The boys don’t care. Spend your hard-earned money on better things, like Botox. God bless Botox.

Dear Jana,

I have been struggling with low libido for a few years and it is causing tension in my marriage. My husband and I have tried therapy, but we still haven’t been able to solve the problem.

Now he has confessed that he wants to sleep with other women. He said if I can’t accept that, he wants a divorce and has promised to keep things amicable and fair. I was devastated. I begged him to reconsider, but he insists he is determined: he can’t go on without sex and doesn’t want to wait for me to change.

He says he’ll do everything he can to make it easier for me, but I feel paralyzed. All I want is for him to be patient and stay with me, but that’s clearly not an option. He asks me to decide what I want to do next, and I’m completely lost.

How do I even begin to navigate something like this?

Heartbroken.

Heartbroken,

I hate to say it, but I’m on your husband’s side on this one. If my partner turned to me and said, “Sorry, I kept my mouth shut,” I would be devastated. Your husband’s honesty – no matter how brutal – is something most people don’t understand in situations like this. He has laid his cards on the table, not in a cruel way, but in a truthful way. And as hard as it is to hear, that’s worth at least some respect.

The simple fact is that a man is not a camel, and I can understand why he wants a sip of water every now and then.

Marriage is about give and take, and intimacy plays a big role in that. For him it’s not just about sex; it’s about connection and feeling wanted. Being with a woman who is not at all interested in having sex with him has probably destroyed his self-esteem. While his ultimatum – let me sleep with other women or I will divorce you – may sound extreme, his need for intimacy is not entirely unreasonable.

That said, I feel for you too. Low libido can be so difficult to deal with. When I worked brutal breakfast radio hours, mine went MIA for a while. It took early nights, good food, and yes, even the occasional steamy novel to get back on track. Your libido can absolutely come back, but it takes work – and sometimes professional help. A sexologist or therapist can help you with this.

But first ask yourself: can you meet him halfway? I’m not saying you should force yourself into something you’re not ready for, but have you really explored all the options? Intimacy doesn’t have to start with fireworks — it can be as simple as holding hands, kissing, or having a date night without any expectation of sex.

If that seems out of reach, ask yourself this: Do you love him enough to set him free? If sex is that important to him and you know it’s not something you can prioritize right now (or ever), then the kindest thing you can do is let him explore his needs.

It’s something to think about because asking him to give up sex for the rest of his life is something anyone would struggle with.

Dear Jana,

I just discovered that my husband has been siphoning large amounts of money from our joint account and transferring it to an account I have never seen before.

Now I’m getting paranoid that he’s bankrolling a secret affair or keeping money for a divorce? Or is this an elaborate plan to keep me in the dark?

We’ve always fought a lot – that’s how our relationship has been from the beginning – but this feels different. As the main breadwinner, he has always had control over the finances, but this is too suspicious to ignore.

How would you address this type of behavior? Or do I let my imagination run wild?

Sue.

Sue,

This is suss, suss, sus behavior. And guess what, you have the right to ask him where the money is going: if you have a bank account in both your names, you can legally ask that. Actually, you damn well should ask. Today.

Time and time again, women give away all their financial decisions to their boyfriends and husbands, and where do they end up? Broke. It drives me crazy. I had a friend who bought a business with her partner, did her best, and thought things were going well – until one day he turned around and said, “We’re liquidating the business… oh, and I a huge gambling addiction. problem.’

That poor woman spent the next ten years paying off a debt that wasn’t hers because she never looked at her finances. Don’t be That woman.

Trust your feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably is. Even if he’s not funding a mistress or preparing for a stage-right exit, secrecy surrounding finances is a big no-no.

You say you’ve always fought a lot – and sure, a little sparring can keep things spicy – ​​but when it comes to money, transparency is non-negotiable. So, what’s your next step? Don’t switch to nuclear energy yet. You don’t want to accuse him of something without proof; that’s just ammunition for his side if things go wrong.

Receive your receipts. Quietly retrieve bank statements and track those transfers. Where does the money go? If you can’t access the account yourself, it’s time to hire a lawyer or hire a financial advisor who can help you untangle the web.

Confront with calmness. Say a few “namastes” first and when you’re ready to talk, approach him directly, but without drama.

Something like: “I noticed some large transfers from our joint account. Can you explain what they are for?’ When he squirms or throws out a half-baked excuse, you know this rabbit hole goes deeper.

If he is untrustworthy, it’s time to protect yourself. Get your finances in order, get legal advice, and start asking tough questions about what you want from this relationship.

In the beautiful words of Judge Judy, “Once a woman gives up her financial independence to a partner, it’s over. You have to be prepared because if you’re not prepared, you’re stuck. and more and more women are having to accept a lifestyle that is unpleasant because they are financially strapped.” And she would know. She sees enough of it in her courtroom.

So prepare yourself Sue, prepare yourself!