SAUCY SECRETS: I think my neighbour is doing something very dodgy, should I tell his wife?

Dear Jana,

My husband and I have become good friends with our neighbors who are a couple our age. We get together a few times a month for drinks on the porch and they always seem to have a solid, loving relationship.

I have recently started working from home and my desk is at the front of our house, facing the street. I have noticed that sometimes my husband comes home around lunchtime and a few minutes after he gets home another attractive woman comes along.

They stay inside for about 30 minutes to an hour and then they both leave in separate cars. He’s clearly having an affair.

Should I tell his wife? My husband keeps telling me to stay out of it, but if I were the wife, I would want to know.

Anonymously.

Dear Anonymous,

I say this with the utmost respect: keep your mouth shut.

The problem with blowing up someone else’s marriage is that you don’t have all the facts before you do it. What seems like a brazen affair to you might be an open marriage to them. I mean, is it? Probably not, but you don’t know! And therein lies the problem.

If you want to give him a subtle “I’ve got you” scare, I’d go out and give the lawn a good weeding or wash the car when you know he’s arrived and she’s on her way. Maybe even introduce yourself and say “Oh, are you looking for (insert your wife’s name here)? She’s not home, but I think her husband is.”

It will scare the living daylights out of them if they are up to something bad. But as for telling the wife, no. You look like a nosy neighbor and there are enough dibber dobbers in the world without the number increasing.

Dear Jana,

My partner and I recently had a threesome with a woman we met at a bar and it was overwhelming. Now I can’t stop thinking about her. It was supposed to be a casual thing but I now follow her on Instagram and she follows me back.

She DMs me with emojis when I post a picture of myself on stories and I just want to catch up. How do I bring this up with my partner? He knows I’ve always been bi-curious, but it’s always been something we’ve explored together.

I love him so much and don’t want to end our relationship but I would like to explore this side of my sexuality further. Help!

Bi-curious.

Dear Bi-curious,

Ahhh I see you’ve discovered the dark side of a threesome. The ‘oh no I have feelings’ dilemma.

I can imagine temptation killing you. But guess what, people deal with it every day. Whether it’s two married coworkers discovering their innocent flirtation isn’t so innocent anymore, or two drunk strangers in a bar looking each other up and down.

Temptations are everywhere and can really shake up our relationships. But… you’ve made a commitment to your buddy. Yeah, eww, the C-word.

So I suggest you talk to your partner about it and let him go away to think about it. I wouldn’t expect him to get an answer right away. If he says he’s not comfortable with it, then stop. No more fire emojis, no more insta-flirting.

You’ll probably have to choose between your relationship or a night of living out your wild fantasies. The choice is yours. But if your relationship is as important as you say, I know what I’d choose.

‘Stop this nonsense right now. Because a curved penis is absolutely not bad. Some would say (to me) that it is actually very good,’ says Jana

Dear Jana,

I injured my penis in a soccer match and now it is slightly bent. It still works fine but I am afraid to show it to a woman because I will get a look of disgust. How do I get my self-confidence back? Do women really care about how it looks?

Anonymously.

Dear Anonymous,

Stop this nonsense right now. Because a curved penis is absolutely not bad. Some (me) would say it is actually very good.

Because as you’ve probably already discovered, a woman’s G-spot is a very tricky thing to find. Now imagine you have a little curved guide light on the end of your old man, and you, my friend, now have a winning chance at finding it.

I mean, think about all the times you’ve used your fingers. You don’t keep them completely straight. No, that’s a little creepy. You make them slightly curved, and that’s why women often find it more fun to come that way than with the woody woodpecker you have in your pants.

So wear your curved ‘gent’ with pride, and strike those right angles with pleasure. Many women would thank you for it. Trust me.