SAUCY SECRETS: My divorced dad is sleeping with a girl I went to high school with. I was disgusted at first – but now I’m worried for him

Dear Jana,

My new wife thinks watching porn and masturbating is the same as cheating? She can’t be serious! Is this how women think today? Or is she too precious? Can’t a man live! How do I talk to her sensibly?

Johnny.

Oh Johnny,

That’s quite a dilemma! But the thing is, she’s wrong. Good lord, we all feel the urge sometimes. If that’s the worst thing you do, then I think you’ll be fine. I wouldn’t try to talk sense to her – I just wouldn’t tell her if you’re having fun or watching porn. It’s that simple. We don’t have to tell our partners everything. Make sure you clear your search history.

Ultimately, a porn movie can’t hug you afterwards, or tell you that you look good in that outfit. And no one has ever left their partner to watch porn all day (well, apart from porn addicts – but that’s another story). So it’s not cheating, for heaven’s sake. Just keep your habits to yourself, like the rest of us.

Dear Jana,

So the other day I had to finish this last minute report for work, and since I left my laptop at home, I borrowed my friend’s. When he got up to make us dinner, I decided to see if his laptop was logged into his Instagram and it was, so I scrolled through his DMs (you would too!) and discovered all these messages he had sent to models he followed.

He said things like “I want to fuck you” and “I can give you an orgasm in a minute.” (For the record, no, he couldn’t.) Now I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s a cheating even though these women haven’t written him back. Are all men this scary? I feel like he crossed a line but I also don’t want to confront him because he knows I visited his Instagram. How do I approach this?

Angela.

Oh Angela,

It’s a risky game to go through a partner’s Instagram DMs. It’s guaranteed that you’ll never enjoy what you find – so tut-tut to let your curiosity get the better of you. By saying that, I probably couldn’t help myself either.

So yeah, it turns out your boyfriend is a creep! Not really a cheat, just a creep. Although I think he would jump at the chance to sleep with one of these Insta hotties if given the chance. So instead of bringing it up, why not just dump him? Seeing messages like that (even ignored ones!) would just give me the creeps. You should really focus on his rude unsolicited messages to strangers, instead of what he might think if you snooped on his laptop.

And to answer your other question: no, not all guys are scary – unfortunately you just found one. So thank your lucky stars you discovered before you got married and had kids with him (because trust me, there are plenty of creepy married men in my DMs – many with their wives in their profile pics…)

Just get out of the relationship and with someone else – problem solved!

Side note: why is it always the men who aren’t gods in the bedroom who seem to brag about it?

Jana helps a male reader whose new girlfriend considers porn cheating, and gives bad news to a young woman in despair about her divorced father’s much younger partner.

Dear Jana,

I am in a difficult situation and could really use your advice. My dad started dating someone I went to high school with, and I can’t get over how unsettling it feels. She’s 25 years younger than him, and I wonder if her intentions are entirely sincere.

My father spent his entire life building his carpentry business from scratch, and his girlfriend is a single mother with three children. I’m afraid he will end up taking on a much bigger responsibility than he realizes if this relationship gets serious. And it seems to be heading in that direction.

Honestly, I think this might be a resurgence after my mother left him last year, but it’s hard to sit back and watch what seems like a midlife crisis. Her ex is completely unreliable, so I suspect she sees my father as her ticket to stability.

The tricky part is that I don’t want to embarrass my father or damage our relationship by confronting him about this. How can I gently help him see the sense before it’s too late?

Anonymously.

Anonymously,

I hate to say it, but I think you should let it happen. Ultimately, your father is a grown man and can make his own (dirty) decisions.

Is it a rebound? Very likely. It’s a story as old as the days of the man replacing his ex-wife with a younger model *sigh*, but it may just be a mistake he has to make himself.

If you try to intervene, you will upset everyone. And if he’s a stubborn bastard like most older gentlemen I know, he’ll probably stay with her longer to make a point.

So let him have his fun in the sun, and then you can only be there for him when things go wrong. And if not…well, you’re going to have some interesting Christmases. Maybe just give her a knowing “I’m on to you” look the next time you see her. But let’s not go all Jerry Springer.

I appreciate that your father has worked hard to build his business and his bank account, but it is his money that he can spend however he wants. At least he doesn’t send it to a fake girlfriend abroad – which happens more than you might think.

Let Papa Bear figure it out for himself, they usually do. Maybe put some condoms in his nightstand. She sounds very fertile.