Three years ago, the American rap duo Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion released their single WAP. It became a huge worldwide hit, with tens of millions of downloads and earned the pair the overwhelming approval of the entire music industry.
The video was a sensation: a bold, unconditional representation of the song’s central theme: Wap stands for Wet-Ass Pussy.
The idea was – and here I must ask the readers for forgiveness, as there is no delicate way to explain this or the themes to follow – that both ladies are, literally, dripping with excitement at the thought of a little alone time with a gentleman.
There were tigers, there were snakes, there were fountains pouring out of multiple orifices, lots of licking of inanimate objects and, inexplicably, Kylie Jenner in a leopard print leotard.
To say it was rough is putting it mildly. Some sample lyrics (look away now if you’re easily shocked, but honestly, who wouldn’t be by this kind of language?): ‘This pussy is wet, come take a dip’; ‘Make it cream, make me scream’; ‘I want to gag, I want to choke’; ‘Extra large and extra hard’. And so forth. Trust me, those are the classier things.
Three years ago, the American rap duo Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion released their single WAP. The video (pictured above) was a sensation: a bold, unconditional representation of the song’s central theme – Wap stands for Wet-Ass Pussy
For all intents and purposes, it was a porn film dressed up as a dance video, with the action described in the text. And the amazing thing is that no one seemed to mind. (Well, I hated that, but everyone told me to stop being so prudish.)
On the contrary, Stallion and Cardi B were praised in the media and music press for their “sex-positive” message and the way their “celebration” of female sexuality “empowered” other women.
I guess that depends on what you mean by “empowerment.”
Is asking to be strangled during sex ’empowering’? Is ‘looking for a spanking’ (another text) empowering? Is moving your buttocks up and down in front of a camera empowering? Maybe I missed that memo.
Anyway, the pinnacle of their success was a performance at the Grammys in which they simulated intercourse with each other on a giant bed.
To be fair, this did lead to complaints, which Cardi B later said amounted to ‘harassment’. Go figure. But otherwise, Wap was a huge success and they both made a fortune.
So no surprise that they did it again.
Last Friday, the pair released their new collaboration, Bongos. The video has already racked up 10 million views and, aside from the absence of Jenner in a thong, is more of the same: endless butt bumping, crotch grabbing and general straddling of random inanimate objects – a fridge, upholstery, what looks as a kind of children’s play equipment, various sun loungers.
The lyrics also make no sense. ‘Pussy tight like a nun’; “Better beat this s**t like a drum.”
And so forth.
The video, which lasts less than three minutes, had a budget of $2 million. On social media, the couple shared several behind-the-scenes clips, including one of Cardi B on set with what appears to be her son Wave.
Even fellow pop star Lizzo joined in, posting to Instagram a video of her own striking bum wiggling along to the tune.
At this stage you might be thinking, what does any of this matter and, more importantly, why is Sarah filling my head with visions of Lizzo’s nearly naked derriere?
I’ll tell you why. Because this is how the next generation of young women (and men) are taught how to behave – and told that this is completely normal.
Last Friday, the pair released their new collaboration, Bongos (snippet from the video above). The video has already been viewed 10 million times
Pop music has always been subversive – God knows, that’s kind of the point of it. And sex has always played a big role in that subversion.
But this isn’t about teenage passions or natural youthful rebellion: this is pornography, pure and simple.
Not just any old porn: a disgusting kind, dressed up as innocent, colorful, fashionable, fun doll – and fed to impressionable young people as a desirable aesthetic.
Not only is it disgusting and has a horrible taste, it is also incredibly poisonous. Because is it any wonder that more and more girls and young women report choking during sex, or are expected to look and act like they just stepped off an X-rated movie set?
Or that they are told that they really want it, even if they don’t? Or being grabbed and molested in public? Or you feel pressured to do things for fear of being branded frigid or – God forbid – “empowered.” Is it any wonder when this is prime time?
Mock if you will, call me a dehydrated, jealous old Karen.
But empowerment, emancipation and feminism are not about dressing up a series of porn clichés as entertainment and then shaming anyone who objects.
It’s about having the freedom and confidence to make your own choices, without being forced to conform to those of others.
In this case, a powerful global pop industry that makes millions by telling young women they are freaks because they don’t act like porn stars.
The fact that it should be two women selling this lie is just the raunchy icing on the whole rotten cake.
As someone who sits way too still at work, I’m constantly looking for ways to stop my Apple Watch from nagging me to be more active.
I’ve come up with a new ruse. Once or twice a day, I stop what I’m doing, put a song on my headphones – usually Taylor Swift or something that anyone under 40 would find excruciatingly embarrassing – and then break into a vigorous dance routine.
Not only does this clear the cobwebs, it also calms the Nazi on my wrist and gets the blood flowing – and of course provides excellent entertainment value for the neighbors.
My dog law has a real bite
Suella Braverman has a duty to address the shocking increase in dog attacks. But the idea of banning certain breeds – as many have suggested in the wake of that horrific attack on an 11-year-old in Birmingham by an ‘XL Bully’ – is wrong.
First, it’s not practical: does the government plan to round up and euthanize all XL bullies, even the innocent ones?
Second, if you ban one breed, another will take its place. These are status dogs, bought by owners who cannot handle them or worse, treat them poorly.
And there is nothing more dangerous than an abused dog, especially one with the strength and instincts of an XL Bully.
Suella Braverman has a duty to address the shocking increase in dog attacks. But the idea of banning certain breeds – as many have suggested in the wake of that horrific attack on an 11-year-old in Birmingham by an ‘XL Bully’ – is wrong.
First, it’s not practical: does the government plan to round up and euthanize all XL bullies, even the innocent ones? Second, if you ban one breed, another will take its place. These are status dogs, bought by owners who can’t handle them or worse, treat them poorly (stock image of an XL bully)
The responsible thing to do is to draw up a list of ‘restricted’ breeds and require anyone who wants to own one to a) purchase a dog license and b) take a handler’s course. Make it retrospective. If you are caught without it, you risk a hefty fine or a ban.
This way, police can seize unlicensed animals and hold irresponsible owners accountable.
In the long run, it would deter people from getting them in the first place.
YouTuber ‘CyclingMikey’ (real name Michael Van Erp, 50), who is involved in catching drivers using their phones in London, has a long list of celebrity names, including Frank Lampard and Guy Ritchie.
But as someone who cycles (regularly) and (occasionally) rides in London, I have to admit that it is increasingly fellow cyclists who seem to flout the rules the most.
If I had the time and energy, I would put a camera on my head and prove it. But I, like most right-thinking people, am not that narrow-minded.
I love Antiques Roadshow. So it’s maddening that my charming Sunday night balm has been tainted by the culture wars. Sunday’s episode featured two women bringing a robe and a letter given to their grandfather by Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie.
After valuing the items, expert Ronnie Archer-Morgan asked them: ‘If there is a call to repatriate these things, would you be happy to do that?’ The pair nodded dutifully: what else could they do? But the question was completely inappropriate. The items were a gift – why on earth would they give them away?
This is Antiques Roadshow, not the Antiques Wokeshow.