Do you want a good time in the bedroom? Then avoid these men at all costs, because how they make their money can determine how skilled they are in the bedroom… and the surprising profession that will drive you wild with desire.
With a decade as an high class escort firmly under my garter belt, if anyone understands men, it’s me.
I hear their secrets and stories. I’ve seen them cry and I’ve seen them lie. I know what they like about women, and I know what they dislike. And I know they’re not perfect either.
What they do for work can determine their skills in the bedroom. Last week I gave you the top five in bed, here are the five you should avoid.
Disclaimer: Don’t shoot the messenger. This is firmly tongue in cheek.
Samantha X has revealed the worst performers in the bedroom – including the profession most likely to be more self-obsessed
1) Celebrities
I sat back in shock as a multimillionaire Hollywood celebrity tried to negotiate my fee, and another movie star spent hours quoting lines from his movies while I tried to sleep. But the general rule is: the bigger the name, the more experience they have.
It’s the D-listers you want to be careful with; especially reality stars and TV presenters. Unfortunately, the biggest package they bring to their bedroom is their ego. Make sure there is a mirror nearby so that he can make bedroom eyes – after his own reflection.
He’s great with his fingers; it’s all that practice scrolling through his own Instagram account, and as for sweet nothings in your ear? “You are so lucky” and “Don’t you know who I am?” will be the whisper you hear.
2) Entrepreneurs
When a guy tells you he’s an entrepreneur, he’s basically saying “no one else wants to work with me.”
He has big ideas in the bedroom, which usually go nowhere, and there’s nothing worse than meanness: don’t expect to eat and drink; this man not only expects you to pay, but also asks to borrow large sums of money for his latest big idea. There’s one thing he’s good at: disappearing.
Samantha X reviews trades, but says entrepreneurs will disappoint you (stock images)
3) Psychiatrists
If you like complex mind games, the psychiatrist is your man. He will make you doubt yourself and convince yourself that you are angry before he has taken off his clothes (which he will fold neatly and very slowly).
He will always try to control you and will spend hours trying to make you believe that you are the crazy one just like all his exes. Great for fantasy; the bizarre statements he comes out with will blow your mind. Freud would have a field day.
4) Vendors
Never trust a man who keeps calling you by your name in every sentence. It’s not just a sales pitch to create fake intimacy, but because he’s trying to remember who you are.
Their phones are always off and from lunchtime they disappear “to see a man about a dog,” especially when his assignment comes in. He promises you a lot, but you don’t see him for dust.
5) Stockbrokers
I said that when God created psychopaths, he also created lawyers. When he created stockbrokers, he created ego.
They are usually well dressed but behave badly. They move in packs, usually around city bars, and while they’re generous with buying the drinks (what better way to show off their bonus), their eye is always on the next best thing.
Samantha X — a former $1,500-an-hour call girl — revealed that a man’s job can determine what kind of lover he is, and listed her least favorite professions
You’ll have a good time, not for long. And they never come home at night.
And the surprising profession that drives you crazy?
Traditions. Traditions especially love women because they deal with men day in and day out. They are good with their hands (be sure to wash them first), have an impressive toolbox, and are usually fit and strong.
They are independent – ie they can make their own lunch – and mostly family men. Despite driving like crazy, they take their time in the bedroom. His early morning starts means he will be at your place in the afternoon. He’s at his best for his first beer.