Robbie Williams tells how his life ‘swiveled so seriously out of control’ after drinking a bottle of vodka every night and admits he became ‘vengeful’ towards Take That bandmate Gary Barlow in candid new Netflix documentary

Robbie Williams has revealed his life went ‘so seriously out of control’ after he drank a bottle of vodka every night before heading to Take That rehearsals.

In his new Netflix documentary Robbie Williams: Raw. Honestly. Real, the singer also recalled becoming very “vengeful” and “jealous” of bandmate Gary Barlow.

The 49-year-old singer, who eventually left the chart-topping band in 1995, has reflected on his addiction to drugs and alcohol, and how much of an impact it has had on his life.

Robbie said: ‘I was taking everything I could get my hands on – ecstasy, cocaine, drinking. I literally drink like a bottle of vodka the night before I go to rehearsal, so that happens every night.”

Speaking about his drug addiction, Robbie added: ‘We’re looking at someone in freefall, addicted to cocaine and alcohol. It’s impossible to help myself, it’s impossible to stop.

Looking back: The singer, who eventually left the chart-topping band in 1995, has reflected on his addiction to drugs and alcohol, and how much of an impact it had on his life

‘I don’t think there’s any chance of feeling anything other than a hangover and then not having a hangover because you’re already creating a future hangover.

‘Everyone knew I was in trouble but they didn’t care, I was past the point of no return. My life had gotten so seriously out of control that my manager understood what had to be done: I had to be taken to rehab.

‘I drank and did drugs because it helped me not feel that way, when you take that away it brings out everything that you have suppressed and I have suppressed that for years. I’m depressed and mentally ill.’

Robbie, who was diagnosed with depression in her early 20s, continued: “People at this point still thought if good things happen to you and you’re successful, what’s there to be angry about?

‘I had to go on stage in front of thousands of people and feel like you’re on the hundredth floor, the room is on fire and you either stay in the room or burn to death, or you jump out the window to your death. It’s that uncomfortable.’

Speaking about his feud with bandmate Gary, Robbie revealed he hated him so much he became ‘vengeful’ – but has since apologized for his behavior towards him.

He admitted that he wanted to ‘make him (Gary) pay’ because he was deeply jealous of his career and talents.

Robbie said: ‘I hated Gary the most because he was the one who had to have everything and the career and I wanted to make him pay for that. I was vengeful.

Raw: Robbie said: ‘I was taking everything I could get my hands on – ecstasy, cocaine, drinking. I literally drink like a bottle of vodka the night before I go to rehearsal, so that happens every night.”

Past: Speaking about his drug addiction, Robbie added: ‘We’re looking at someone in freefall, addicted to cocaine and alcohol. It’s impossible to help myself, it’s impossible to stop’

‘Out of control’: ‘My life had gotten so seriously out of control that my manager understood what had to be done, I had to be taken to rehab’

Looking back: Robbie, who was diagnosed with depression in his early 20s, continued: “People at this point still thought that if good things happen to you and you’re successful, what’s there to be angry about?”

Brutal: In his new Netflix documentary Robbie Williams: Raw. Honestly. Real, the singer also recalled becoming very “vengeful” and “jealous” of bandmate Gary Barlow

Feud: Robbie revealed he liked Gary (right) so much he became ‘vengeful’ – but has since apologized for his behavior towards him (pictured in 1994)

‘It seemed like one person was in charge of Take That and it was Gary Barlow – it was all about him.

‘And I would have been jealous of that as a young person. Many of me hated him. I went home from then on thinking this was weird and awkward. It’s the lord of the fly thing.’

Robbie apologized to Gary for saying he was ‘dead’ and calling him a ‘p****’ on stage: ‘I’m sorry I treated Gary like that.’

In other emotional moments in the documentary, Ayda Field, the singer’s wife and mother of their four children, discussed the pop star’s lowest moments as a drug addict.

The documentary also details how Williams, in his attempt to cure his cocaine addiction, once relapsed when he put a line of the drug in the bathroom and was discovered by Ayda in a terrible state.

She said, “We talked all night. He had just relapsed and it was my gateway to addiction.

“You wouldn’t notice his personality change, but he would just throw up while watching TV.” I didn’t know someone could have an addiction that would kill them.

“I remember that being very scary, because I really liked this person.”

Honest: In other emotional moments in the documentary, Ayda Field, the singer’s wife and mother of their four children, discussed the pop star’s lowest moments as a drug addict