World-renowned relationship experts have claimed that an affair can save your relationship – and have dismissed the idea of ’the one’.
American doctors John and Julie Gottman recently appeared on an episode of the podcast The Diary Of A CEO, hosted by entrepreneur Steven Bartlett, and claimed that couples can actually repair their relationship after an affair.
The duo, who have been married for 36 years and have spent the last fifty years studying love and what makes it sustainable, also revealed that there is no such thing as ‘the one’.
Julie claimed that 75 percent of relationships can be successfully ‘treated’ and ‘healed’ after infidelity, and the experts developed a three-step model to help repair the marriage.
Julie said: ‘We developed a model based on our research called atone, tune and attach. The AAA model and this is what it entails in a nutshell.
US doctors John and Julie Gottman have revealed that affairs can save your relationship and claimed there is no such thing as ‘the one’ in a recent episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast
“First, the person who committed the betrayal must respond with complete transparency to any question the injured partner asks them, but the injured partner should not ask about the type of sex they had.”
The expert explained that any person who has experienced an affair will be left with post-traumatic stress disorder and will suffer from ‘flashbacks’ and too much intimate information can’tease her to an even greater extent’.
She said, “So, reconciliation is answering the questions and then saying sorry a thousand times and really meaning it.”
Later, the betrayed partner must express his emotions without criticism and out of contempt.
Julie, speaking as if she were a partner who had been cheated on, said: ‘I feel destroyed, I feel like my world has fallen apart, I feel so empty, so abandoned, so rejected, so she has to describe whether he has done that. to describe their own feelings… so that’s the reconciliation stage.’
In the reconciliation phase, the couple must look at the actual marriage or relationship itself and what was wrong with it.
The expert said: ‘What you often see are couples who had had a terrible conflict in the beginning, it was so bad that they started to avoid conflict. Once they avoided conflict, they became more emotionally distant and the person who committed the betrayal became alone.
The pair appeared on The Diary Of A CEO podcast, hosted by entrepreneur Steven Bartlett, (pictured) and claimed couples can actually mend their relationship after an affair
“So often things aren’t just about having more sex, but about loneliness and talking to someone else about how unhappy they are.”
Julie said the third phase, which they call “attach,” is about recommitting to the relationship.
She said: ‘In many cases I have seen it the sexual relationship is not resumes until phase three, especially if the woman is the one who has been betrayed, but there are also those where the woman will throw herself sexually at the man to compete with the affair partner and be better than the affair partner, so you know it could be both.’
Steven asked if the experts had ever seen cheating help a relationship, Julie replied, “Very often when they get help.
“If they don’t get help it won’t happen, you know it’s worse, but if they get help it can help them change all the patterns in the relationship and help them learn who the other person really is, what their needs are real. are, how they want you to come into the relationship that they had no idea about before, so it can create more intimacy, a different kind of trust of course, but more intimacy and more connection.”
Speaking about the initial effects of an affair on a partnership, Julie said that trust is eradicated.
Julie claimed that looking for “the one” is a bad idea because “there is no such thing as perfection” and we are all flawed humans
The experts said the statistics for women having affairs will be almost equal to those of men by 2024
She said, “What business does is they turn the hurting partner’s world upside down, everything they believed about the partner is wrong, everything they thought they shared in terms of values is wrong.
“So you know you can’t trust the person. He says that because he didn’t stay late at work, he went to so-and-so’s apartment.’
The experts said the statistics for women having affairs will be almost equal to those of men by 2024.
Julie said: ‘This is why before the 1970s and the women’s liberation movement, women were stuck at home, not working outside the home and not having access to others.
“Once they entered the workforce, they had access to a whole field of our potential people.”
Julie claimed that looking for “the one” is a bad idea because “there is no such thing as perfection” and we are all flawed people.
She said: ‘Inevitably they snore at night or eat with their mouth open, which drives you crazy. Let’s see each other as people.
‘We are all flawed, we all have cracks in us and they can be seen as beautiful, we don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
“If someone comes into my office and says, ‘I want to find my soulmate,’ it’s like huh, what’s a soulmate, I mean in the US we have like 350 million people, there’s probably 500,000 that you would find beautiful and attractive.’