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A relationship expert has revealed the red flags to look out for in your own dating habits, including being evasive, projecting obsessions and fantasies, and acting too nice.
UK-based Kate Mansfield says keeping an eye out for potentially toxic traits in your partner is “crucial, especially if you have a pattern or history of choosing the wrong people, or abusive or unhealthy relationships.”
However, just as important is knowing where we can be harmful or sabotage ourselves. “I take my clients through a very detailed planning process, where we explore non-negotiable and final dating behaviors and identify red flags in ourselves that could sabotage or negatively affect our dating opportunities and success” , revealed.
Here, Kate tells FEMAIL six behaviors you might want to watch out for.
A relationship expert has revealed the red flags to look out for in your own dating habits, including being evasive, projecting obsessions and fantasies, and acting too nice. Stock image used
1. Avoidance
Kate says the dodge is “big and hard to spot.” This is because it manifests itself in “small and subtle” ways, but could have “deadly” implications for sabotage.
“This shows up as avoiding dating for long periods and being too ‘busy’ to avoid loneliness, binge-watching Netflix and over-committing to friends and family, sacrificing your love life,” she revealed.
“If this resonates, start practicing meditation, take time every day to connect with your inner world, slow down, and feel your feelings.”
The relationship expert added that this will help identify your needs and create an emotional connection with others.
2. Obsession and fantasy
“This is where we project who we want someone to be, rather than taking the time to get to know them,” Kate explained.
She says this may end up disappearing into a fantasy “rather than risk a real relationship.”
This can manifest as “texting instead of talking” and keeping things at arm’s length for weeks or even months.
By meeting the person, you may not be hearing the person properly or processing how available they are.
“Set some rules for yourself, like not allowing texts beyond a week, and getting a phone call and then a coffee date soon after connecting with someone,” Kate advised.
Here, Kate tells FEMAIL six behaviors you might want to watch out for, including developing anxious attachments. Stock image used
3. Anxiety and anxious attachment
Relationship expert says this is when we suffer from abandonment issues, causing us to become “needy, clingy and anxious.”
“Behaviors include rushing into commitment too soon, abandoning ourselves, and having weak boundaries,” she explained.
This also manifests itself in being inauthentic, excessive texting, and excessive giving.
Kate continued, “If this is you, I would definitely recommend getting professional help, as well as filling your own life with fun things, hobbies, and new friends in order to feel less invested in the outcome of your dating.”
5. Being too nice
Kate says that being inauthentically cloying, or avoiding conflict and being overly nice, is “a total turn-off for your potential dates.”
“We often think it’s attractive to be cool or nice, but it actually gets boring pretty quickly,” he revealed. “True chemistry often comes from conflict and difference, not just from placating the other person.”
The dating expert added that most people can “feel when you’re not being yourself.”
“This creates a disconnect and a feeling of blandness or lack of sparkle,” he said. “Take the chance to be completely yourself, express your opinions in a warm and friendly way, when we don’t, it often results in a failed relationship later on, because it wasn’t based on the truth.”
6. Being too competitive or argumentative
On the other side of things, Kate warns that being too competitive or argumentative is also a total date killer.
“Try to avoid too many jokes too, constantly joking around can get tiring and shallow,” he said.
Instead, the expert advises opting for “warm humor and self-deprecation” as a way to create a genuine connection.
This would often show your date that you are self-aware, which is “a very attractive quality.”