A radio journalist said he regrets the birth of his daughter and often feels “bored and frustrated” when he has to play with her.
Miguel Macias, 48, wrote an essay for the New York Times in which he explored the complexity of his feelings about fatherhood.
While he acknowledged that he had “deep love” for his daughter Olivia, he was also brutally honest about the most difficult emotions he’s felt since her arrival.
“It’s a feeling so hard to talk about, so universally taboo, that I’m afraid to express it, even to the people closest to me: regret,” Macias wrote.
The new father explained that he had never wanted children before and preferred to focus on his career.
Radio journalist Migual Macias (pictured with partner) said he regrets the birth of his daughter and that he often feels “bored and frustrated” when he has to play with her.
But as the years passed, his ambitions to make Oscar-winning documentaries faded and his life did not look the way he had imagined.
This, combined with the desire to please his partner, led to them taking the plunge and eventually welcoming the child.
Macias felt a little embarrassed when he noticed regret surfacing, as he was dealing with the typical emotions of new parents.
He attributed this partly to little things, like frustration when his daughter misbehaves and boredom with the monotony of parenting.
‘[D]“Despite my love for Olivia, I don’t really enjoy playing with her,” Macias admitted.
“I can play for 10, 15, 20 minutes, but then I get bored and frustrated because I’m wasting my time.”
He also said he regretted the loss of his previous life and goals, and questioned whether it was the most moral decision to bring a child into the world in a rapidly warming world full of conflict.
The journalist explained how he tried to suppress his feelings of regret because he was struggling with depression.
While Macias acknowledged a “deep love” for his daughter, he was brutally honest about some of the most challenging emotions he’s felt since her arrival
Macias described his experiences in an essay for the New York Times
Over time, Macias wrote, he came to appreciate dwelling on the emotion as a way to cope with it.
Macias has come to realize that regret and his immense love for Olivia can go hand in hand.
“If we don’t allow ourselves to feel regret—to feel it and somehow make peace with it—we run the risk of being haunted by it,” he wrote.