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A psychologist has revealed the six traits she believes all emotional manipulators have in common.
Dr. Carmen Harra, American author of Committed: Finding love and loyalty through the seven archetypes, told FEMAIL, “In terms of love relationships, being with a devious partner is like being led on a leash: you don’t get very far before you’re pulled back in.”
“Manipulation is characterized by skillful — and often deceitful — influence over one’s thoughts and actions,” she explained.
The expert suggested that as your partner exhibits the following six tendencies, ‘you must heed the warning signs for your own sake’…
A psychologist has revealed the six traits she believes all emotional manipulators have in common
They are their partner’s dream – in the beginning
Dr. Carmen said, “A manipulator comes across as irresistibly charming at first. Under this facade, they use Machiavellian tactics to get his way.
“A manipulator has two faces: the public side that seems to be the epitome of a perfect mate and the private side that only the poor individuals encounter who have entered their personal space.
“You can expect a manipulator to act outrageously indignantly the moment you accuse him of coming even close to what he really is. As the months or years pass, the layers of pretentiousness peel back to reveal his true nature.’
They like power
The psychologist explained, “A manipulator’s love is not you, but power: they must rule over all the circumstances around them so that they can maneuver them to their advantage.
“For example, they can persuade you to move away from your family by constantly pointing out all the flaws they have.
“Of course you don’t always get along with your mother or clash with your sister, but that’s no reason to abandon your loved ones.
“Yet this is exactly what a controller wants: to alienate you from the people who love you and point out to you that your partner is dangerous.
“A manipulator has to be in control because as soon as they feel the slightest abuse of power, they will lash out or end the relationship.”
They make you question your reality
Dr. Carmen said, “Manipulators have been known to use sneaky, devious techniques that most people don’t see as red flags.
“A manipulator will call you a manipulator, and they are so persuasive that they make you believe it. They will convince you that something is wrong with you, never with them.
‘An indicator of deception is that you have difficulty distinguishing reality from imagination: when are they lying and when are they telling the truth? When do they mean what they say, and when do they put on an act?
“When you date a manipulator, you may never know who is what. Over time, these kinds of psychological games take a serious mental and emotional toll on you.”
They evoke conflicting emotions
“But how do I know I’m dating a manipulator?” you may ask. Your emotions will betray the truth, as always, but you need to let them reveal the (sometimes harsh) reality without making excuses for your partner,” the expert suggested.
Cognitive dissonance is having thoughts or beliefs that are inconsistent with decisions – when knowing and doing are opposites. Our minds create dissonance when the truth is too unpleasant to face.
“You may know that cigarettes cause cancer, but that doesn’t stop you from lighting one. Likewise, you might instinctively know that your partner shouldn’t treat you a certain way or do certain things to you, but you still end up in the same situation.
“Applying cognitive dissonance to your relationship with a manipulator may help you ‘lie’ to yourself, but it won’t change what you’re feeling: you’ll still feel like something is terribly wrong.
If your partner often makes you feel anxious, belittled, hopeless, frustrated, or depressed, know that they are most likely a manipulator.
“Pay attention to the emotions your partner evokes in you and know that your feelings are never wrong; they are superior sources of truth. Remember: people lie, but your intuition does not.
‘Even people with manipulative tendencies are capable of self-improvement, but they must want to change and make the necessary effort.
“Cutting contact with a manipulator is the best way to get back to normal and regain your power.
“If your partner is showing these telltale signs of manipulation, I encourage you to walk away now, with your sanity and happiness still intact,” the psychologist concluded.