Most of us are guilty of saying horrible things that we don’t mean when we argue with our partners.
But now psychologists have warned that the hurtful words spoken by a partner in a moment of anger could indicate the presence of an unpleasant personality trait.
According to experts, three expressions used during conflict are telltale signs of a narcissistic personality.
This type of personality possesses traits such as high self-esteem, a need for admiration, believing that others are inferior, and a lack of empathy for others.
It is said that partners of people with narcissistic traits are at greater risk of developing mental health problems as a result of their emotionally abusive relationship.
Christian Bale’s portrayal of serial killer and Wall Street banker Patrick Bateman is a prime example of a narcissistic personality
Erin Leonard, a psychotherapist based in Indiana, says those who often hear these “seemingly innocent” phrases from partners may want to “think about an exit strategy.”
“Taking a problem to a narcissistic partner can be painful,” she wrote Psychology today. “It seems to spark an ugly battle that is rarely fruitful.”
Three common phases they use during the interaction may seem “innocent” but are in fact “extremely manipulative,” she added.
First, watch out for, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“Instead of the partner putting themselves in your shoes to try to understand how you feel, they immediately dismiss your feeling and label it as ‘your own,'” she wrote.
Leonard describes the phrase as an “anti-empathetic” statement: “They don’t want to try to understand how you feel or where you’re coming from.”
In more recent times, Jacob Elordi’s role as high school student and abusive boyfriend Nate Jacobs has provided examples of narcissistic behavior.
More empathetic responses include responses like “I’m not sure why you’re upset, but I want to understand,” or other statements that “respect your feelings even if a partner disagrees with the perspective.”
The second red flag is if a partner immediately blames you for the conflict, citing your “anger issues.”
‘Being unfairly attacked when you’re not the one who made the mistake can be maddening. It is normal to feel upset in this situation. Yet the narcissist often takes advantage of this and accuses you of ‘getting out of control’. In reality, they may be the person who is angry.”
Finally, notice the phrase “you screwed up.” “It may be an attempt by a narcissistic partner to impose guilt.” They may also refuse to talk to you or act as if they are “mortally injured.”
“Either way, they are communicating to you that you should not confront them or express a feeling in the relationship that they don’t like,” she said.
Leonard says that with these types of responses, keep in mind that discussing issues in a relationship is necessary to maintain trust and connection.
“If you are punished for trying to address a problem, your partner may fail to resolve a conflict.”