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A clinical psychologist offered a guide to breaking up with a friend, but critics insisted they “would rather be ghosted” than confronted this way.
Arianna Brandolini, 37, of New York, demonstrated how to end a friendship that has run its course in a 33-second video posted on Tik Tok this week.
The Harvard University grad, who uses the handle @answeranxiety, gave a sample script of what to say while playing both shooter and shooter in the imagined scenario.
‘I’ve noticed you’ve been withdrawn and not wanting to hang out recently. What’s going on?’ she asked herself as she pretended to be her surprised friend.
Arianna Brandolini, 37, from New York, shared a 33-second video demonstrating ‘how to break up with a friend’ on TikTok this week.
The Harvard University grad gave a sample script of what to say while playing both shooter and shot.
When Brandolini responded, she went straight to the point and didn’t mince words.
“I have treasured our season of friendship, but we are moving in different directions in life. I no longer have the ability to invest in our friendship,” she said.
The psychologist also offered a suggestion on what to say if the friend in question responds and asks, ‘Is this something I did?’
“I understand that it may be difficult to understand, but recently I have been re-evaluating many areas of my life, including my ability to be a good friend to you,” Brandolini responded.
‘I just want to be honest and direct, so as not to disappoint their expectations. Sorry if this feels painful and confusing. I wish you all the love and success.’
The psychologist also offered a suggestion on what to say if the friend in question responds and asks, ‘Is this something I did?’
Brandolini used lines like “I have treasured our season of friendship” and “I don’t have the ability to invest in our friendship.”
The video has been viewed more than 313,000 times and has received thousands of comments from viewers, many of whom were appalled by the approach.
“I think this is more painful than letting it go away,” one person wrote, while another added: “This feels [ingeniuous]grandiose, nonchalant and planned in advance.’
“I’d rather be a ghost,” someone else said.
Others insisted that the script sounded too “corporate” and “impersonal”.
‘The company is taking over our personal lives now,’ one user commented, while another jokingly asked: ‘Friend gets severance package and COBRA afterwards?’
The video was later posted on Twitterwhere he was also widely criticized.
The video was dubbed ‘sociopathic’, ‘insensitive’ and ‘impersonal’ by critics who insisted they ‘would rather be ghosting’.
Brandolini shared a follow-up the next day, explaining that he wanted to give his original demo more context.
“There is no right or wrong way to end a friendship,” he said. “It’s very, very normal that in our lives we’re going to have different moments where we’re going to be closer to certain people than others, and friendships are going to disappear.”
She noted that there are times when it’s okay to “not try as hard” and let a friendship “grow out slowly,” but that’s not always an option.
“We as a culture are very much a ghost culture where we don’t want to have these difficult conversations and we avoid them,” he explained. “But sometimes it’s really justified.”
Brandolini gave an example of a toxic friendship where multiple conversations have taken place but the person refuses to listen or change.
Brandolini shared a follow-up the next day, explaining that he wanted to give his original demo more context.
“If you’re breaking up a toxic friendship and you’ve already had these conversations, it may actually be corporate and that’s okay,” he said. ‘You don’t have to spend a lot of energy explaining yourself’
“A lot of you are commenting that this is very corporate, and the idea is that if you’re breaking up a toxic friendship and you’ve already had these conversations, it can actually be corporate and that’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to spend a lot of energy explaining yourself and making the other person understand if you’ve already done that.”
Brandolini offered another lengthy response in the caption, writing: “Remember that a 30 second TikTok video cannot capture the entire human experience! We are all wonderfully complex. These are simply meant to give you some ideas for making your own.
However, the explanation did little to appease critics, and they disabled comments to avoid further backlash.
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