I’m a psychologist – here are the 6 hidden ways an abusive partner manipulates you into staying with them

A psychologist has revealed the hidden ways an abusive partner can manipulate you into staying with him or her.

Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Hampshire, used her TikTok to appeal to people who may be stuck in an unhealthy relationship.

She often speaks online about mental health, with videos on how to boost your confidence, why you might be procrastinating and the signs that you might be worried.

In one clip, she talked about six important signs people should look for in their partners.

The expert began by saying that abusers will often try to divert your attention from your friends and family to isolate you.

“They remove all outside perspectives so that their story is the only story you hear,” she said.

The medical professional added that they change moods easily, often from affectionate to aggressive.

This can lead to victims feeling confused about whether the relationship they are in is normal, healthy and good.

The next warning sign is if your partner makes you feel insecure and like you can’t accomplish anything without him or her.

“They undermine your self-confidence, your own intelligence and your ability to do things, so that you begin to wonder if you can function at all without them,” Dr. Smith explained.

Another red flag of a manipulative relationship is if they restrict access to your money and monitor your spending.

“It makes it feel like it’s almost impossible to leave,” Dr. Smith added.

The fifth sign of a controlling abuser is if he threatens to harm himself or you. Dr. Smith added that this can be a powerful way to trap victims and prevent them from leaving.

The psychologist then revealed the sixth red flag, which is when the person you are in a relationship with starts promising to change.

She added that they will only do this if they feel threatened that their victim will leave them.

‘The abuse is replaced by the charm and love you saw at the beginning of the relationship. You want to believe that things can get better, so you try again. But the cycle continues.”

She captioned the TikTok post: “For those who find themselves wanting to leave a relationship and blaming themselves for finding it hard to break up, it’s never been as simple as you should tell yourself.

‘If your partner uses a combination of these manipulations, you will be more isolated, vulnerable, and confused about how best to move forward.

“Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because this is the effect this behavior has on most people.”

She added that finding some form of support is “crucial” and said this could be a friend, a trusted family member or a professional.

The clip has been viewed nearly 600,000 times and has generated hundreds of comments from users.

One wrote: ‘[That]’s]why I divorced him! I am available.’

Another added: ‘This goes for abusive managers at work. They isolate you, keep you so busy and prevent you from looking for something better. Glad I resigned.’

“I lost my job and ruined my career,” a third admitted. “Please be confident and leave at the first spark of this manipulation.”

A fourth said: ‘Thank you so much for making me understand.’

• If you need to speak to someone, you can call the free national domestic violence helpline operated by Refuge at any time on 0808 2000 247.