A forensian psychiatrist has revealed five ways that having ADHD can affect romantic relationships.
Dr Sohom Das, which also runs YouTube channel A Psych for Sore Minds, where he shares content about mental illness, described in a recent excerpt how some symptoms of the condition can cause friction between partners.
London doctor labeled Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) ‘challenging’ […] to take care of people who have it,” and suggested that it is like trying to “herd cats” when those cats are your thoughts.
Before listing five reasons why having the condition can affect partnerships, he said: ‘When it comes to relationships, it can really wreak havoc.’
Here, FEMAIL explores the ways ADHD can impact your love life, says the expert.
Dr. Sohom Das (photo) is a forensic psychiatrist and content creator from London. His YouTube channel is called A Psych for Sore Minds
1. People with ADHD can be chronically late
According to Dr. Das, “The number one method for ADHD to damage a romantic relationship is the annoying, always-late, awkward antics.
“Imagine planning a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant for your anniversary, but your partner shows up late.” He’s still buttoning his shirt and apologizing profusely.’
Moreover, Dr. Das said, “ADHD involves inattention. So he still has some wax on his lips and some toothpaste in his hair…
‘So if you have a short attention span and are easily distracted, it means you may not be able to stick to tasks, especially if you find them tedious or time-consuming.
‘So people with ADHD may have difficulty prioritizing tasks, meeting deadlines or making appointments, such as dates at fancy restaurants.’
The problem with this is that having ADHD can also affect the affected person’s ability ‘to be that dependable and trustworthy person, which is necessary for a healthy partnership’, and this can ‘lead to feelings of frustration and resentment among their partners’.
Dr. Das summarized it as “like trying to synchronize two different clocks that run in different time zones.”
2. People with ADHD may hyperfocus on the “wrong” thing
If someone has ADHD, some symptoms can cause major problems in relationships, says Dr. Sohom Das (stock image)
The psychiatrist described hyperfocus, one facet of the condition, as a “horrible, horrible joke.”
‘[Someone with] ADHD can become hyper-focused on a particular task or interest. But the problem is that it rules out everything else, and this can lead to challenging situations in relationships,” he said.
‘For example, you drive [to] a family picnic. Your girlfriend is sitting in the front and you want to talk about your future together. Maybe even start talking about moving in together next year.
“You might even be considering an engagement ring, and out of the corner of your eye you see her squirming with excitement, and then you look over and see that she just scored over 500 points on [a game] on her phone.”
He continued: ‘So ADHD means that you cannot concentrate on tasks, but conversely it also means that you are hyper-focused on a particular task, and this happens accidentally, and you are not aware of your surroundings. [And] this can obviously contribute to communication disruptions.
‘So problems staying focused can lead not only to miscommunication, but also to misunderstandings. So it can also lead to feelings of being neglected by their partner being unimportant, leaving them feeling like they are often overlooked due to their partner’s inability to stay focused.”
Dr. Das explained how “frequent loss of attention can be frustrating for the partner, which can lead to some resentment and ultimately some tension.”
3. Having ADHD can make a person impulsive
‘The [third way] ADHD can damage a relationship [via] incredibly embarrassing, clumsy, impulsive incidents,” Dr Das said in the video.
“Having ADHD makes it difficult to control impulses, and this can sometimes lead to embarrassing situation scenarios in relationships.”
He continued, “ADHD involves impulsiveness, which is acting without thinking and not considering the consequences of your actions.
“Not so much of a big deal if it only affects you, but potentially a bigger deal if it affects you and your partner too.”
4. People with ADHD may have “erratic emotional outbursts.”
The forensic psychiatrist explained the fourth way he sees ADHD as damaging to romantic relationships – and that’s what he describes as “extremely erratic emotional outbursts.”
He explained: ‘ADHD can make it difficult to regulate emotions, leading to sudden mood swings and outbursts. So one minute your partner is laughing hysterically and the next minute he’s sulking in the corner.
‘That makes it difficult to maintain stable and consistent emotions. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and insecurity in their partners, and this can be exhausting and confusing for everyone in a relationship.”
He added: ‘People with ADHD can easily become frustrated or irritated. That can lead to outbursts. It can lead to arguments, it can create tension and an uncomfortable atmosphere, making it difficult to maintain a positive connection and can make the partner feel like it’s their own fault.”
5. People with ADHD can be “notoriously forgetful.”
“The fifth and final way ADHD can damage a romantic relationship is the terrifyingly frustrating forgetful failures,” he explained, which can lead to important appointments being forgotten, causing problems.
“People with ADHD have poor working memory,” he explained. ‘They have difficulty retaining information in their heads. They have trouble staying focused.
‘ADHD makes it difficult to concentrate on tasks, leading to distraction and loss of attention. And furthermore, it can mean that the patient is inundated with amounts of data, meaning it is difficult for them to process and retain information, which is essentially forgetfulness.”
Dr. Sohom Das can be found at Tweet, InstagramAnd TikTokas well as YouTube.