Princess Martha Louise of Norway’s daughter Maud, 21, breaks down in tears as she opens up about her father’s suicide in 2019 and reveals her pain over ‘having so much love for him that I couldn’t show him’

The daughter of Princess Martha Louise of Norway burst into tears as she spoke about the suicide of her father Ari Behn almost five years ago.

Maud Angelica Behn, 21, appeared as a guest on her mother’s HeartSmart Conversations podcast, where she spoke about her regret over her father’s suicide on Christmas Day 2019.

She burst into tears as she said she had “so much love for him that I couldn’t show him.”

Maud was only 16 years old when her father, the author, committed suicide. A week after his death, she gave a rousing speech on mental health care at his funeral, earning her the title of “Norway’s Bravest Woman” by a Norwegian magazine. To this day, people still say they stop her on the street and thank her for the speech.

Four and a half years later, Maud told her mother and podcast co-hosts Mari Manzetti and Lilli Bendriss how death still affects her to this day.

Since her father’s death, Maud’s mother Martha Louise has found love again with controversial American shamanic healer Durek Verrett – and ultimately stepped down as a working royal amid criticism of her boyfriend for his controversial views on modern medicine.

In the podcast, Maud said: ‘My father committed suicide at Christmas and as he was an author there was a public funeral and I really wanted to give a speech.’

“It was a week until the funeral after I heard the news, so I had to write the speech in the worst mental space during that time.

‘At that moment I felt like I had been more nervous doing school projects than I had been at the funeral because I felt like my need to do this was stronger than fear.

“I knew if I didn’t give the speech I would regret it for the rest of my life because I really wanted to have that moment to say goodbye to my father.”

Maud said she was inspired by the tragedy of her father’s death to give a speech that she hoped could help others who have either struggled with their own suicidal thoughts or have also lost someone to suicide.

“I also appreciated that my mother was able to be next to me during the speech, because it’s hard not to cry when you’re giving a speech like that and she was able to be next to me.”

In a heartwarming moment, Maud confessed how grateful she was that her mother had been there to help her grieve.

She then thanked all her loved ones for their support. ‘I like to cry!’ she added, praising its liberating power.

After her father died, Maud explained that she started making origami birds to help her grieve, an experience she called “meditative.”

During her grief, she remembered hearing a phrase that resonated with her experience. “Sadness is love without a place to go.”

“There are many painful things about my father’s death, but one of the most painful things was that I had so much love for him that I couldn’t show him,” she said before breaking down in tears.

‘Sometimes I think of heaven and him watching over me and sometimes I feel him on the other side, but other times it’s painful that he’s not physically there.’

During the conversation, she was comforted by her mother, Märtha Louise, who considers herself deeply spiritual and even “clairvoyant.” Her mother told her a heartwarming anecdote about seeing her late former husband finally at peace.

After her father’s death, Maud’s anger eventually turned to rage. She realized how devastated she was that she would not be able to give any of the birds to her late father.

Nevertheless, she never stopped making the birds and ended up leaving them all over her school. Many of them were picked up by her classmates and other locals and taken home as a symbol of compassion.

‘It was really healing for me because I was able to process something painful in art, into something beautiful, with which I could use my pain for creation.’

The 21-year-old has continued to express herself through creative channels since her father’s death and is now experimenting with her own image.

Last year she shaved her head and recently dyed her hair green. Maud described herself as a work of art that she likes to dress up in her own image.

Maud now honors her father in many ways, including using his old typewriters and listening to jazz, his favorite kind of music, which he had not yet gotten into when he was alive.

Mr. Behn was best known for his marriage to Princess Märtha Louise of Norway, Maud’s mother, but their marriage was shrouded in criticism at the time. Mr. Behn was considered an unsuitable match for the former princess, as he was a self-described Bohemian author and artist.

They married in 2002 in a lavish ceremony at Trondheim’s historic Nidaros Cathedral, but chose to elope to London ten years later after lengthy examination of their married life.

After their marriage, the couple had three children together Maud Angelica, 21, Leah Isadora, 19, and Emma Tallulah. Princess Märtha Louise of Norway is the only daughter of King Harald V of Norway and Queen Sonja. She has a brother, Crown Prince Haakon.

However, Martha-Louise and Ari began divorce proceedings in 2016 because, as Princess Martha said, they had “grown apart” and “no longer met as before.”

At one point she said: “We have tried everything for a long period of time, and if we still cannot meet as before, it is impossible for us to continue,” she told Norwegian’s News in English.

Last year, in an interview with the BBC, Martha spoke about her first husband and the “criticism” he faced.

She said: ‘His mental health depended heavily on him being criticized in the media.

‘But I’m not saying it was anyone’s fault. It’s always how you deal with criticism. The press criticized themselves after his death, that maybe they were a little harsh on him, that he only received criticism and was actually a very nice person.’

After the divorce, Mr. Behn wrote a book Inferno, which critics described as “oozing with despair and sadness” and detailing his struggles with mental health, headaches, hallucinations and breathing difficulties.

Since the death, her husband, Princess Märtha Louise, has become engaged to Durek Verrett, an American businessman who is a friend of Gwyneth Paltrow.

The relationship was another controversial chapter in the life of the Norwegian royal family, as Mr Verrett’s controversial opinions were thrust into the spotlight when their romance became public.

Eyebrows were raised when the princess first started dating Verrett, who holds a number of controversial and pseudoscientific views, including that cancer in children can be caused by ‘unhappiness’.

In November 2022, Princess Martha announced that she was stepping down as a senior member of the royal family, with the title ‘Norwegian Megxit’.

In an interview with the BBC last year, she praised her parents, King Harald and Queen Sonja, for keeping the dialogue open as she made her decision and they worked out the details of how the arrangements would work.

When asked about her decision compared to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, who also stepped down as senior royals, she talked about her “amazing” family, including King Harald and Queen Sonja, and how the dialogue between them has always remained open.

If you are suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, you can contact the Samaritans online or call their 24/7 hotline 116 123