A mother of two shared that postpartum psychosis left her thinking she was in a real-life version of Squid Game.
Gemma Porter, 35, from Manchester, struggled with depression during her pregnancy with her baby, now nine months old, despite having no history of mental illness.
After four ‘stressful’ months of caring for her baby and his four-year-old brother, Gemma began to suffer from delusions.
She began with the belief that she was Jesus, with the power to heal the pain of strangers.
Later her belief changed to the idea that she was a victim of human trafficking and that she participated in a version of the Korean horror series ‘Squid Game’.
Gemma Porter had no history of mental health problems until she became pregnant with her son, who was 34 years old.
Ms. Porter suffered from a series of delusions, including that she was Jesus and that her life was an episode of the Korean thriller series Squid Game.
The series revolves around hundreds of cash-strapped players who participate in a deadly survival game with a prize pool of no less than 45.6 billion won.
When her baby was four months old, she was admitted and diagnosed with postpartum psychosis.
Now she is recovering, no longer suffering from delusions and ‘destroying life’.
She is taking antipsychotic medication and attending various support groups, and doctors say she will make a full recovery within a year.
Gemma, a corporate lawyer, said: ‘Postnatal psychosis is not as rare as we think. I want other mothers who are going through this to know that they are not alone.
‘I was manic — I felt like I had superpowers. But I was really down in my mood.
‘My body was restless and I felt elated, happy, scared and sad all at the same time.
‘I also thought, when I was locked up, that my baby would be taken and sold to a rich family in China.’
Now, nine months later, she feels normal again, working and taking care of her two children.
Gemma says her pregnancy was tough and she was eventually prescribed sertraline to cope with her depression.
When her baby was born on November 23, 2023, he suffered from severe colic and had a tongue-tie: a piece of skin that attached his tongue to his lower lip.
Even after it was surgically removed, he had trouble sleeping, only falling asleep when Gemma was driving him around the Manchester Moors.
“He wasn’t an easy baby,” Gemma added. “When he was born he was nervous, colicky and had speech impediments.”
“He wouldn’t calm down until I drove him around.”
At Christmas 2023, Gemma and her partner of 10 years split.
She says she found it “really hard” and threw herself into her son’s baptism to cope.
“I told my family for a weekend in March that I would be unreachable,” she said.
‘I was busy planning the baptism.
“It was stressful and I didn’t sleep very well.”
The day before the baptism, on March 16, 2024, Gemma first experienced delusions while driving.
She said, ‘I remember seeing the sun through the clouds.
Squid Game is a Korean thriller in which participants fight for their lives in a deadly competition
The series is called Squid Game because the shape of the playing field drawn on the ground resembles that of a squid.
‘It was really magnified, really bright.
‘I looked at it and felt like I was put on this earth to help people.
“I had a greater sense of emotional intelligence and intuition.”
Gemma even told her 27-year-old sister that she felt like ‘the resurrected Jesus’.
The delusions became increasingly intense over the next four days, and she also felt “irrationally” afraid of her parents.
On March 20, 2024, Gemma’s sister made an emergency appointment with her GP because she kept repeating how “cheerful and sad” she felt.
“I told him I felt like I had superpowers,” she added. “He told my sister to drive me straight to the ER.”
Gemma was admitted to an institution under Article 2 of the Mental Health Act. Under this Act, a person may be admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a maximum of 28 days.
She waited in a private mental health room until 1am on March 21, when staff from the Wythenshawe Mother and Baby Unit came to collect her.
“I felt like a criminal,” Gemma said.
‘They took me to my room and from that moment on I was convinced that I was a victim of human trafficking.
“I thought the hospital was fake.”
Gemma’s delusions continued intensely for three days. She would not leave her room and only spoke to doctors over a makeshift barricade, placing a cupboard against the door.
She even bought “the alliance of people” with chocolate, in case she “needed it when traffickers came for her.”
Meanwhile, the family cared for the baby and Gemma slowly began to accept help.
She said, “On day three I finally started taking the antipsychotic medication they gave me.
‘I was too scared to even go to the toilet.
‘But on day 14 I finally took my first shower on the ward.’
Gemma appealed her article and said she would stay voluntarily.
The request was granted at the beginning of the third week and she remained voluntary for another three weeks.
From May onwards, Gemma recovered at home, and when the psychosis passed, she fell into a depression.
“My family’s support helped me through it,” she said. “Someone was always there for me.”
‘I’ve been eating well, sleeping well and going out for walks.’ Now Gemma can drive, work and look after her two children again, and she even feels like a more confident version of herself.