PHIL VICKERY: Bankruptcy and divorce made me question my purpose in the world – then I put on budgy smugglers and bodybuilding gave me new life

It’s late September, the autumn chill is starting to hit, and Phil Vickery is standing outside a small theater in Milton Keynes, wearing skimpy black trousers.

His old buddy from the gym, Lee, stands next to him with a bottle of True Tan, scanning his hulking body, ready to slather any white bits in a gloriously artificial shade of bronzed orange. Someone has to do it.

“Parakeet smugglers, tan, waxed, no hair… you’re fucking yourself,” says Vickery, as he reflects on the dramatic leap from rugged, World Cup-winning prop to impeccably chiseled bodybuilder at the Ultimate Physiques British Open.

‘Pump, stage, lights, pose. It’s completely unnatural, completely out of my comfort zone, a completely strange place. As a rugby player I had shaved parts of my legs and shoulders for taping, but this was a completely different world.

‘Then I stumbled into the gas station, got out of the car and I was bright orange. People must have thought, ‘Damn, where did this guy come from?'”

It’s an 80-mile drive from his home in Somerset, but Vickery’s personal journey to the show stage was less straightforward. Queen’s Honours, elation, divorce, bankruptcy. Almighty highs and crushing lows that somehow transition into a comforting steady state with a tight vacuum flexion of the abdominal muscles.

‘What else is happening in the rest of the world doesn’t matter at all when you walk through those gym doors. I needed a challenge, something outside my comfort zone, and I thought, should I do a bodybuilding show? I came third.

‘My genetics suck, I’m not cut out to be a bodybuilder, but I loved the process. The pain and the agony and the suffering of getting on stage.

‘When you look someone in the eye who has been through that, you think: ‘F***ing respect’. It’s similar to when I look at another rugby player: ‘You’re hurt, come here mate, well done’.’

Vickery enjoys a messy concoction of spelled flakes, berries, egg white powder and Greek yogurt as he reflects on his journey from the 2003 World Cup. “I’m building again for my next show,” he says, taking a spoon from the plastic Tupperware container puts in his mouth.

‘After rugby I really struggled with the gym because I had always trained with a purpose. I like cycling, but after having three neck operations I can’t sit on the bike for more than an hour.

‘Suddenly you become a little bigger and a little rounder. Another year, another half a stone. Before I knew it, I was 24 stone. A big whopper. You’re thinking, “Damn, my knees hurt, my ankles hurt, my shoulders hurt. Damn, Phil, come on.”

‘I’m 18 stone now. It took me a long time to understand that I need to go to the gym for my own well-being, whether it be physical or mental health.”

The ties between the English glory boys of 2003 are collecting dust and rust. Their support network faded into history. They have a strange, distant relationship with the RFU, with Richard Hill the only player from their 30-man squad among Twickenham’s 500 staff.

Vickery was launched as a restaurateur after his scallops and black pudding helped him win the 2011 series of Celebrity MasterChef. Life seemed to be going in the right direction, but beneath the veneer he experienced a marital breakdown and was forced to abandon his trading post-lockdown.

At its lowest point, bodybuilding provided a dose of endorphins and escapism.

“During a divorce, someone said, ‘Don’t let booze be your friend,’ and that really scared me. I could see quite easily how I could fall into that, so I consciously stayed away from it. Bodybuilding was a good excuse, that last preparation, because you are super clean.

‘Covid, the restaurant, bankruptcy, divorce… is this the lowest point of your life? Of course it is. It is your own integrity. It’s Phil Vickery; honesty, integrity, passion, pride…but you failed. You can keep playing a game and tell yourself that it will work out. Eventually it caught up with me.

“You start asking yourself, ‘What is the purpose of me being here? Is it easier if I’m not here?’

‘There have been scenarios that I have experienced in my head, but the more I think about them, no matter what others think of me, I have two beautiful children, a wonderful brother and sister, my mother, my aunt, my uncle, my cousins . Selfish isn’t the right word, but you’re like, “Come on.”

‘I had a hard time after my retirement. I couldn’t physically bring myself to go to the 10 year reunion because it made me feel physically sick. Going through divorce and bankruptcy is kind of the end of the cycle. It’s in the public domain, it’s a reality of life, you can’t hide it, you have to highlight it.

‘I take responsibility for the things that happen to me. I’m going to sit there and I’m going to stand in front of it. I remember sitting at a press conference at the Rugby World Cup in 2007, as England captain, and being labeled the worst England team to ever leave our shores.

‘Everyone wants a little action when things are going well. But let me tell you, when you go to a press conference, and you’re fucking trash, and you have to sit there and deal with it. That’s when you find out. I have never been afraid to lead the way, and I will.”

There is a fighting spirit in Vickery’s words. An infectious energy that makes you want to go to the gym with him. The kind of mind that turned a self-proclaimed “fat kid at school” into an athletic world beater 21 years ago.

The ancient oriental tattoo on his arm means ‘I will fight you to the death’ and those words still ring true. Vickery fights back.

He speaks of his desire to get back into the kitchen as he embarks on a mission to reconnect with the old giants of 2003. They have reunited, filmed a documentary and are launching Champions 2003 to continue a legacy of support to create for the next generation of players who are retiring.

“You’re watching TV now, and someone can, without offending anyone, win something really pathetic, that no one cares about, it doesn’t mean anything in the world, and they say, ‘I’ve had a life-changing experience.’

“Truly, I had a life-changing experience. I cried when I first saw the documentary. I cried a few times, but laughed at the same time.

‘The open top bus, being in London, the people even going to Number 10, going through the doors and being welcomed by the Prime Minister. Going to Buckingham Palace and meeting the Queen, oh my God.

‘That’s what’s special, there are images in the documentary that we’ve never seen before. A Pandora’s box. The locker room bit, those bits, it’s just kind of “S***, yeah.”

‘The game has moved on. Let’s face it: our game is going down financially, not up. So we’re not talking about making multi-billionaires, it’s about now “actually good, so what can we learn, what can we pass on from our lessons to help the next generations”. An emergency fund for people on the ground.

‘I often see people spend a million euros on a campaign and win a prize for it, but what does that actually mean? We want to create real partnerships. Rugby players are easy to train because that’s what we’ve done all these years.

“Without wanting to bet every cent I have, I’m sure that now that I have everything, you’re fighting battles or challenges, whatever they may be.

‘And if a big old fart like me can be bothered to get up and go,’ Phil Vickery, raging bull, MBE, England captain, three rugby World Cups, European Cup winner, duh- duh-duh-duh-duh-duh -duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. Actually, I fought the hell out of it and it’s just as hard fought.” That will help someone, and if it helps someone, brilliant.

“When I think about what we’re trying to do with the ’03 guys, the player group is the most important thing in the world to me. I would fucking die for them and I really mean that.

‘Regaining the boys’ sense of identity, helping each other, whether that’s financial support, emotional support, or talking more. Now it’s about legacy. Everything I want to achieve in the future is about legacy. Cooking, food, farming, rugby… what positive impact can I have?’

White, stir-frying, wisdom; There is no doubt that Vickery has a lot to offer the rugby world and beyond. And if some new friends join him with the bottle of True Tan, all the better.

Unbreakable: England 2003 is available to stream on-demand on Discovery+