One woman has revealed she’s reluctant to leave her controlling boyfriend — who only lets her see friends one weekend a month — because she’s “afraid to start out on her own.”
The anonymous poster went to a well-known Facebook group called Are we dating the same guy | London, Englandasking for advice and “confirmation that she is not overreacting” to his behavior.
She explained that she and her boyfriend have been dating for “just over a year” – her first relationship since moving to the UK – and at first the romance was “like magic” but “rules and restrictions kicked in sneak in’.
“To date I’m not allowed to date, go to bars, he only wants me to see my friends one weekend a month, not allowed to follow friends or talk to them or anything,” she explained.
Commentators rushed to urge her to leave, warning that possessive and controlling behavior marks the beginning of a physically abusive relationship — as others stressed that emotional abuse was already there.
A woman has revealed she’s afraid of leaving her controlling boyfriend – who won’t let her go on nights out and only allows her to see friends one weekend a month. Stock image used
To make matters worse, her partner insists that all of his other exes have “respected” the boundaries, making her feel “terrible trying to negotiate” or pointing out how unfair the expectations are.
She sought advice on knowing when is the right time to leave – and how to know if you’re making the right decision.
“The thought of not having him around breaks my heart because he is my best friend, but I usually always burst into tears when I look at how happy other couples are and how few freedoms I have,” she continued.
“I totally understand that it’s my fault I let him get away with this and that he dragged it out so many times, but I’m so scared to go it alone.”
The poster also revealed that this is her first relationship – and since moving to the UK, the woman fears the loneliness of a breakup without her family or close friends around.
‘Out!’ a woman wrote. “A man this controlling is not needed in anyone’s life, no matter how much you love him. It’s messed up!
“Don’t waste years on such a disrespectful person, doubt you would ever be really happy with him.”
The anonymous poster went to a well-known Facebook group called Are We Dating The Same Guy | London/England, for advice
Another encouraged her to “get advice and help online.”
“There are plenty of support groups that will make your transition to freedom easier,” she added.
“Make sure you have a plan before you leave your abuser, because they will get vengeful if you take control from them.”
She said that for safety’s sake, it’s best to keep the plan to leave completely secret “and not make contact.”
Other people pointed out that while the woman fears isolation, her boyfriend is currently keeping her lonely.
“Ask yourself honestly,” one of them remarked. “Is he your friend because he made himself your only friend?”
Elsewhere, a woman shared her own similar experience — and admitted it’s “only getting worse.”
Commentators rushed to urge her to leave, warning that possessive and controlling behavior marks the beginning of a physically abusive relationship
“You are right to think that this is not normal and controlling. Please take care of yourself and don’t let yourself be manipulated.’
She also suggested seeking therapy if possible – as his actions are likely to affect her self-image in the near future.
Many also began sharing resources about abuse and how to leave dangerous situations — as one woman said the poster experiences “coercive control” — which is a crime.
“If you’re planning on leaving (which I would), don’t tell him,” she added. “Make an escape plan…His behavior will become physical if you stay.”
Many of the comments also emphasized that it’s not the woman’s fault – and encouraged that she deserves a better future without a controlling partner.
It comes as the government announced this month that victims of domestic violence who do not live with their abuser will be better protected against threats and harassment.
The offense of controlling or coercive behavior has been extended to victims who do not live with the family member or ex-partner who abuses them.
Many of the comments also stressed that it’s not the woman’s fault – and encouraged that she deserves a better future without a controlling partner
Controlling or coercive behavior was introduced as a criminal offense in the Serious Crime Act 2015 and can include economic, emotional or psychological abuse and threat in addition to physical or sexual assault.
More than half (51 percent) of homicides reviewed in an independent review published last month involved controlling or coercive behavior.
Abuse may continue or worsen after victims are separated from an abusive partner because the perpetrator wants to maintain control over their victim, the government says.
New guidelines, compiled with the help of charities, police and legal experts and victims of domestic violence, will help identify criminal offenses and help police and other agencies understand how to collect evidence.
The guidance will also provide clearer advice to support victims and safely identify and respond to threats, harassment, manipulation and other forms of controlling or coercive behaviour.
The government hopes the measures will help increase the number of successful prosecutions for the crime.