Titanique (Criterion Theatre, London)
Celine Dion’s siren call is very big. The vibrato and melting schmaltz of the queen of power ballads could even pose a danger to shipping.
But don’t let that stop you from booking your passage for this musical parody of James Cameron’s 1997 blockbuster Titanic.
Amazing Welsh Celine doppelgänger Lauren Drew hijacks a tour of the sunken ship’s visitors center to tell the ‘true’ (as in delusional) story of how she survived the famous wreck.
Fueled by top songs from Celine, 100 minutes of strong, oceanic hysteria on the high C’s follows.
We also learn that the heart-shaped diamond given to Kate Winslet’s character Rose is not from Asprey & Garrard, but from Claire; her mother’s pearls came from TK Maxx; and her millionaire fiancé has a donut wall on Pinterest.
In keeping with her own glitterball fantasies, Drew’s wavy and athletic Celine wears a wig with flowing blonde curls and a sequined dress split to the top as she eagerly jumps between the actors as she tells her side of the story.
Amazing Welsh Celine doppelgänger Lauren Drew hijacks a tour of the sunken ship’s visitors center to tell the ‘true’ (as in delusional) story of how she survived the famous wreck
Kat Ronney steals the damn show from under Celine’s flared nostrils with a glorious turn as Rose
Not only does Drew have the larynx for the chanteuse lung-busters (including the climactic My Heart Will Go On), she’s also singing in Celine’s bizarre French-Canadian accent.
And yet Kat Ronney steals the damn show from under Celine’s flared nostrils with a glorious turn as Rose.
Ronney is a sensational actor, with big religious eyes, a no less hurtful voice in songs like To Love You More, and wonderfully obscene instincts in her steamy sex scene number Because You Loved Me (with a plastic eggplant).
Rob Houchen, as her lover Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio’s role in the film), holds his own as a lecherous opportunist, before being cuffed for stealing the diamond and “sent down with Dua Lipa.”
This is one of the happiest performances I’ve seen in the West End, with every actor looking at the audience to make sure they’re looking right back.
The group moves together like galley slaves, whether it’s Jordan Luke Gage’s millionaire Cal and his left-field falsetto, or Layton Williams’ icy Tina Turner drag queen announcing the sinking of the Titanic with, “I am the iceberg, b*tch !’, prompting a RuPaul-style drag race.
The main audience for Richard J. Hinds’ outrageous production may be Celine weirdos, Titanic boffins, bachelor nights and drag parties.
But if you ask me, it has the great appeal of lasting for months, even years. Titanique? It’s fantastic!
The Lightening Thief (The Other Palace Theatre, London)
Based on Rick Riordan’s first children’s novel, The Lightning Thief is basically Greek mythology revived as a high school musical – with a dash of Dora The Explorer’s kindergarten adventures.
Unencumbered by the CGI of the 2010 film, it’s a homemade nerd-fest in which our demigod (half-human, half-god) hero, Percy Jackson, must retrieve Zeus’ lost lightning bolt from the underworld.
Misfit Percy, diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, is accompanied on his quest, like Dora on hers, by trusted friends: Grover (the chosen successor of the god Pan and friend of squirrels) and Annabeth (daughter of the goddess Athena and slayer of egos). .
And like Dora, Percy has an all-important backpack containing specialist tokens (a magic pen, seashell and bus tickets).
The pleasure of the mostly soft rock musical by Joe Tracz and Rob Rokicki lies in the inventive staging and the narrative zip.
Based on Rick Riordan’s first children’s novel, The Lightning Thief is basically Greek mythology revived as a high school musical – with a dash of Dora The Explorer’s kindergarten adventures
Unencumbered by the CGI of the 2010 film, it’s a homemade nerd-fest in which our demigod (half-human, half-god) hero, Percy Jackson, must retrieve Zeus’ lost lightning bolt from the underworld.
Misfit Percy, diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia, is accompanied on his quest, like Dora on hers, by trusted friends: Grover (the chosen successor of the god Pan and friend of squirrels) and Annabeth (daughter of the goddess Athena and slayer of egos).
Best lyric: “It couldn’t be worse if your parents run the universe.”
On the rusty dystopian set, grungy costumes are complemented by animal bone clothing for the half-animal characters, plus moments of rock god couture, as human, equine and immortal identities shift and collide.
Morgan Gregory heroically stepped in for an unwell Max Harwood the evening I was there, and like Percy proved to be a very skilled, passionate yodeler.
Also fun were Scott Folan’s crazy Grover and Jessica Lee’s feisty Annabeth. But it’s a team effort, dealing with adolescent issues like friendship and self-esteem.
Older customers may prefer to book for their teenage children and enjoy a supercharged evening in the pub next door.
Titanique runs until March 30; The Lightning Thief until August 31.