I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve had a few run-ins with Ozempic in recent months.
My first meeting took place in the run-up to my 40th birthday party.
Since I was too excited about the big, boozy party I was hosting, I decided on a theme: Saucy Secrets. (I know, so by brand). I imagined everyone rocking their sexiest, skimpiest outfits, leaning into the chaos of the night.
What I hadn’t thought about was that I would also have to wear something sexy and tight. Don’t panic.
After a glorious winter of high-carb stews, high-calorie red wines, and the occasional late-night chocolate binge, my body wasn’t quite ready for a PVC dress. Shit.
Desperate to shed some weight quickly, I turned to a friend who had ‘stumbled upon’ some Ozempic. Fueled by Dutch courage after a few wines, we decided to inject each other with it.
But there was a problem: the dose we received was not tailored to us. It was prescribed to someone who was much heavier, and at 1 mg it was way too high. Giggling in a bathroom stall like schoolgirls secretly smoking a cigarette, we googled like crazy for solutions.
It turns out that you cannot reduce the dose. It’s not like splitting a pill. Luckily, common sense prevailed and instead of injecting ourselves, we ditched the black market Ozempic and hit the gym like maniacs in the weeks leading up to my party.
Jana Hocking was seduced by the unreliable Ozempic in the run-up to her 40th birthday. Luckily, she gave up the idea when she realized the dose she had been given was dangerously high and decided to hit the gym. (Jana, right, is pictured arriving at her party with her friend Hollie Nasser. Neither woman has taken weight-loss medications or obtained a prescription illegally)
That’s right, ladies. Sometimes it’s better to just do it the old fashioned way.
The second time I came across the weight loss shot that everyone is raving about was at a fancy alcohol launch party.
As I mingled with socialites, “It” girls and the chicest college moms, I noticed a curious trend: everyone was looking noticeably slimmer. It didn’t take long for the reason to be discovered. The popular topic of the evening was Ozempic.
Questions like ‘Where did you get yours?’ and ‘Can you introduce me to your doctor?’ filled the room. Yawn.
If I’m honest, it makes for a ‘snore’ of a night. I want the real gossip, like who’s fucking who. But the topic didn’t really get off the ground.
One guest didn’t leave it there: apparently they were all using online telehealth systems. The trick? They turn off their cameras during Zoom consultations and claim to be at least 50kg heavier than they actually were. Prescriptions were given out for $400 each, no questions asked. I was shocked.
A friend of mine even managed to score a link to a particularly lenient telehealth doctor. And that brings me to my third Ozempic encounter: a front-row seat to her rollercoaster of side effects.
From day one, the texts came in fast and frantic. She had taken far too high a dose, which resulted in three days of vomiting, sweating and total exhaustion. “I feel like I’m dying,” one person read. I was afraid that this would be her last message and that I would hear about her death on the six o’clock news.
*Emily, in her mid-30s, was desperate to fit into a form-fitting red dress she bought online, but ended up in an emergency (stock image)
Fortunately it was not fatal. And by the time her body adjusted, she had indeed lost weight, but at what cost? When I asked her if it was worth it, her emphatic “No!” said it all. Well, that was $400 wasted.
So it got me thinking: who else has been affected by this drug that they clearly shouldn’t be taking? I sent the question out to my Instagram followers, and it’s safe to say the messages came thick and fast.
Here are just some of the experiences people had with Ozempic:
Emily*, in her mid-30s, was ready to turn heads at her ex’s engagement party. Desperate to fit into a form-fitting red dress she bought online (one size smaller than normal), she begged a friend for an Ozempic date.
The catch? Emily wasn’t overweight, but she told a telehealth doctor that she tipped the scales at 250 pounds (where have I heard that before?) with an expensive prescription, a sore dick… and a dangerously large dose of semaglutide.
At first she thought it was genius: her appetite was non-existent. But then the nausea came.
A week later, she was at a friend’s house when she felt a stabbing pain in her stomach that sent her straight to the emergency room. (Oh God, even I experienced the shame of this story secondhand).
It turned out that the high dose caused acute pancreatitis. When the doctor asked why she was taking Ozempic, she was shocked to admit, “I just wanted to look good in a dress.” Lesson learned the hard way.
Then there was Sarah*, a 42-year-old teacher who decided to give Ozempic a try after hearing her Pilates group rave about its “miracle” power for weight loss.
She wasn’t overweight by any medical standard, but she told me she thought, “Hey, why not lose a few pounds for my beach vacation?” A friend from her Pilates class gave her some and boom! It was on.
Day one? She felt invincible. But by week two she was so constipated that it hurt to move. Things got worse when she developed a bowel obstruction so severe she had to undergo surgery.
Let’s just say her dream of poolside selfies in a bikini was replaced by a hospital gown and a grimace.
Sarah*, a 42-year-old teacher, decided to give Ozempic a try after hearing her Pilates group rave about it. She ended up needing surgery after her ill-fated experiment (stock image)
And finally, there was Mark*, a 50-year-old techie who had just gotten out of a bad divorce.
He admitted he didn’t need Ozempic, but knew he was competing with some fit-looking guys on the dating apps, and his dad just couldn’t cut it.
His BMI was normal and his diabetes was under control, but after a friend told him about the “shredding magic” of Ozempic, he decided to get in on the action.
Turns out there’s a certain gym in Sydney that sells it out of their back room. Naughty!
In the beginning, the pounds melted off and he loved life. But then he started feeling full after just two bites of chicken breast.
Weeks later, he couldn’t ignore the fatigue, thinning hair and constant bloating.
It turned out that the drug had caused gastroparesis, leaving him malnourished and looking more ghostly than profit-worthy. Lessons have been learned.
Other followers chimed in with their horror stories. One man said it became “harder to concentrate at work,” while another woman admitted to vomiting blood more than once.
One husband revealed his wife could no longer hold her drink on Ozempic, saying: ‘It was like dating a teenager again. She was a messy drunk after just a few drinks. It became a nightmare.’
Here’s the hard truth: If you’re not prescribed Ozempic for actual medical reasons, you’re playing a dangerous game.
Sure, the promise of shedding pounds is tempting, but so is eating an entire cheesecake, and we all know how that ends.
Save yourself the drama and dry heaving, and stick to something safer, like Pilates or Spanx. Your health will thank you for it.
*Names have been changed.
A disclaimer: Ozempic is only approved for the treatment of diabetes in Australia. Although some doctors may prescribe it for weight loss after a thorough assessment of their patient’s needs, Daily Mail Australia does not endorse its use for this purpose. You should always seek advice from a medical professional. Lying to a doctor to obtain a prescription is illegal and can lead to overdose or death.