Our baby has THREE co-parents and we’re raising them WITHOUT a gender – we don’t care what other people think because we know it’s the best thing for our child

Three parents raising one child together have spoken out about their choice to raise their child genderless.

Markus Harwood-Jones, 32, calls himself “Daddy” and is raising 21-month-old River with his 33-year-old husband, Andrew McAllister, who is “Dad,” and their 33-year-old co-parent. Hannah Dees, known as 'Momo.'

Markus and Andrew met in 2012 and a year later they moved in with their friend Hannah in Toronto, Canada, who was looking for roommates.

Hannah hoped to become a single mother herself and the trio had a conversation about raising a baby together one day.

To make this a reality, they spent eight years planning what their unusual situation could look like and even drafted a “parenting agreement,” which captured their feelings about housing, religion and education.

Hannah underwent IVF and became pregnant in April 2021. All three attended every scan and were present for River's birth in January 2022 and each parent is on the toddler's birth certificate.

The family decided to raise River as genderless and refused to share their child's biological gender – except on the birth certificate for medical purposes.

They live together permanently and have regular meetings to discuss things like chores and childcare – with Markus doing most of the cooking, Andrew taking on the cleaning, and Hannah's strength in child-rearing.

The trio say River will be able to choose whatever gender identity they want when they're old enough – but for now they'll use their pronouns.

Despite each of their families accepting the decision, they are often confronted with 'blank stares' and 'silly questions'.

“We choose to raise River genderless so they can explore their options as they grow,” says Markus, an author from Toronto, Canada.

“Co-parenting them as a trio was one of the best choices we ever made.

“If there weren't three of us, we probably wouldn't be able to afford a car, and we'd probably have to pay for things like childcare.

'All three of us have had complicated relationships with gender throughout our lives.

'We believe that imposed, binary gender stereotypes can have a negative impact on children and adults.'

Markus, Andrew and Hannah bonded as housemates before discussing the idea of ​​having a child together.

“We spent about eight years planning this setup before we even tried to have a baby,” Markus said.

'We read a lot of baby books, went to co-parenting workshops, took parenting classes, drafted a 'parenting agreement' – which covered things like all our feelings about housing, religion and education.

'We still try to have regular family conversations to discuss all the different things that come up when you live together and raise a baby together.'

River was born in January 2022 and Markus says the family chose to register their gender for medical reasons, but says they will never reveal it publicly.

With three parents in the house, Markus, Andrew and Hannah do not feel the need to send River to daycare and can give them a lot of attention.

“Because we do things a little differently, it actually creates more room for intentional conversation,” Markus added.

'We are challenging norms about who is responsible for housework and childcare at home.

'This dynamic ensures that River has more direct attention than would otherwise be the case.'

Andrew said Markus was most vocal about raising River genderless after coming out to his family as transgender at the age of 16.

They believe that you shouldn't assume a baby's gender at birth – just as you wouldn't assume its sexuality – and wanted to use gender-neutral language to refer to River, so as not to project “their own prejudices” onto them.

River's wardrobe is equipped with skirts, dresses and dungarees, and they play with dolls and toy trains.

“Markus brought this concept to Hannah and I, and we all talked about it over the course of several years,” Andrew said.

'When River was born, we briefly considered gendering them, but we've gone back to using completely neutral language where possible.

“A metaphor we like is to introduce your baby to gender, like you would with solids.”

Markus, Andrew and Hannah recognize River's biological gender and have taught them their own anatomy, despite keeping this private from everyone else.

“We would like people to know that the gender of our child is not a secret, it's just not public information,” Hannah said.

'We teach River the anatomically correct words for their own bodies – and we know they can always change their legal gender later if they need to.

'But in the short term, having a legal binary gender designation is easier and safer, for example for medical emergencies and travel.'

None of the three co-parents have experienced major “blowback” from friends or family – and say they are not fascinated by the “blank stares” and “silly questions” from others.

“We get quite a few people who just don't understand what we do,” Markus added.

'Shop assistants and colleagues, among others, often look at us blankly, end conversations abruptly or ask stupid questions – such as: “Does your baby have a gender yet?”

“But there are also plenty who surprise us – and some who just don't care.

“Considering that we're three loud and proud gays who came together to raise a baby, we were always going to stand out anyway.”

Markus says he and Andrew would like to live with Hannah indefinitely and would consider inviting a stepparent into the family home if she meets someone.

“If Hannah met someone, and they were together for an extended period of time, and that partner wanted to move in and take on a role as a stepparent, we would talk about that as a group,” he said.

“If we decide this is the right choice for our family, we will find a way for them to move in and join us as a family.

“We hope to live together indefinitely, and at the very least want to stay together while raising our child.”