Whether it’s using inappropriate language, telling terrible jokes or oversharing personal information, the workplace can be a minefield to navigate.
In multi-generational offices, one person’s so-called “funny joke” or “banter” could be someone else’s behavior worthy of an HR complaint.
But even those who wouldn’t recognize humor when it’s dressed up as Basil Brush can distract you by hovering awkwardly at your desk or trying to convince you to join their stationery club.
Here, with advice from psychotherapist and business coach Kamalyn Kaur, we highlight the most annoying office behaviors with this pest control guide.
See how many of your colleagues you recognize (or if you are one yourself…)
Psychotherapist and business coach Kamalyn Kaur identifies the most annoying office behavior
Sexist speakers
“Good morning girls, how are you today?” says the boss to his team of female employees. “Can you leave that report on my desk, honey?” says another. “Which of you lovely ladies can help me with this project?”
Very often, people who can’t remember a coworker’s name (or can’t be bothered to learn it) will resort to using words like “darling,” “honey,” and “my dear.” That may have been something Don Draper got away with in Mad Men, but times have changed. While you may not intend to offend anyone, you will undoubtedly cause it. The same goes for female bosses who call her male employees “boys” or “boys.”
Kamalyn says, “While not malicious, it is condescending and unprofessional. No fifty-year-old woman wants to be called a “girl,” and in today’s workplace there will be employees who don’t use traditional gender pronouns. Always use someone’s name or their professional role.
“The marketing team” is acceptable, “the marketing girls” is not.”
The oversharer
No Judy, people don’t want to see the rash on your thigh that developed over the weekend. And Ian, while it’s very sad that your wife wants a divorce, the people in the weekly sales meeting don’t want a bill per blow.
And yes, Helen, you may be having the best sex of your life, but Pam from payroll doesn’t need to hear about it while she’s preparing the tea round.
Some people feel compelled to share every detail of their private lives. If this is you, remember to stay on the right side of the line; you’re so far over it, the line is in a different time zone.
Kamalyn says, “Oversharing makes others feel uncomfortable. You’ve forced them to deal with something they may not know how to respond to, and you’ve imposed on them something they may not know how to deal with. It’s unprofessional; save that stuff for your friends.”
The nickname is annoying
There are people who can’t resist handing out nicknames to colleagues.
Suddenly Sarah becomes ‘Sazza’ and Martin becomes ‘Mazza’, while poor Charlotte has to deal with ‘Charlie-Chops’ being shouted across the sales floor. Great for the pub darts team, certainly not for the office.
It’s also too familiar to shorten someone’s name and assume that Melanie likes ‘Mel’ and Sebastian likes ‘Seb’.
Kamalyn says, “If someone wants their name shortened, they’ll let you know. Alexander could say: ‘everyone calls me Alex’; If he doesn’t, don’t assume it’s okay. You might use a name that he likes to keep only for his family.
Forcing nicknames on people at work is patronizing and disrespectful and can cause them great humiliation if used publicly.”
The stationery scrounger
Laws of human nature seem to dictate that the person who is constantly swiping your stapler, pen, and scissors is also the person least likely to give them back. It may not seem like a big deal, but your colleagues will see you as a nuisance. If they are in the habit of labeling their office equipment and putting it away in a drawer at the end of the day, take the hint.
The stationery plague will claim that the stuff they borrow belongs to the company – that’s true, in which case you’re buying your own!
Kamalyn says, “You are hindering others and from a therapeutic perspective you are demonstrating a lack of respect for personal boundaries. If you have to borrow something, give it back quickly and make sure others don’t feel uncomfortable by having to ask for it back.’
Sensitive types
Do you like to get a big bear hug when someone comes back from vacation or sick leave? Do you greet colleagues with actual kissing or air kisses? Can’t you resist touching some people’s hair, stroking pregnant bellies or even playfully petting the head of a bald worker?
Well, stop that right now. It doesn’t matter that you consider yourself a warm and tactile person; others will probably see you as inappropriate and creepy.
Kamalyn says, “In the workplace, the best advice is to remember the “three-foot rule.” People generally start to feel uncomfortable when that space becomes smaller. That’s why we all feel so uncomfortable in elevators. It is inappropriate to touch someone without their permission.”
Desk sticks
They come by to ask you a work question… and never leave. They may be trying to provoke office gossip, sneak a peek at what’s on your screen, or just be bored and pass the time.
They often randomly pick up your framed photos and look at them, or start curiously looking through a file. No matter how many times you avoid eye contact and continue typing, they just don’t get the message.
Kamalyn says, “When you’re busy, it’s very frustrating to have to deal with a desk hanger because it disrupts your focus and concentration.
‘Offenders should pay attention to the visual cues: is the person you’re chatting with giving short answers and staring at their screen? If so, don’t impose it. Ask the question, get the answer and leave.’
Jokers and pranksters
There’s probably not a woman alive who hasn’t been on the receiving end of a nasty double entendre when “Can I give you one of these brownies?” is met with an “Oh, you can give me one.”
Just because your family and friends tell you you’re a real comedian doesn’t mean the people you share an office with will agree. If you think you’re funny, stand up, but don’t try your material – no matter how innocent you think the joke is – on your colleagues.
Kamalyn says, “Jokes should be saved for social settings. There will be people in the office who don’t share or understand your humor. You create atmosphere and distract people from their work. Keep your language neutral and inclusive.’
Talkers and time hijackers
We’ve all worked with people who simply love the sound of their own voice. Why explain something in one sentence when you can drone on for ten minutes? The speaker often starts meetings by saying he wants everyone’s input, but by the time he finishes his self-indulgent monologue, there is no time to hear from anyone else.
Meetings offer them a captive audience – which is why they mention so many of them.
You can convince yourself that everyone is following your work, but in reality they are planning their Christmas shopping lists and looking up to each other.
Kamalyn says, “Talking too much wastes time and frustrates others. It’s self-centered and while you’re busy blowing your own trumpet, everyone else will switch off and lose focus. Instead, be precise, stay on topic, and take notes in advance. And is the meeting really necessary? Would a memo be enough?’
Socializing peer pressurers
Book club on Monday evening! Wednesday evening choir! Friday evening drinks! And don’t forget Sally’s departure! Sometimes it feels like you have to put as much effort into socializing in the office as you do into paid work. With the Christmas season approaching, many employees will feel pressured to go to parties and risk being embarrassed by office pests and busy bodies if they don’t.
If you’re the one applying pressure, stop. Believe it or not, some people have lives outside of work.
Kamalyn says, “There can be so many reasons why people don’t want to socialize outside of work, such as family commitments, budget constraints, or social anxiety. Many people like to keep their work and private lives completely separate. Invite people, but don’t pressure them or question anyone who isn’t present.’
Attention seekers
They can randomly say “Oh my God!” while looking at something on their phone. Or maybe they burst into hysterical cackles, only to reply, “Oh, nothing” when you ask what’s so funny.
Then there’s the person who makes endless, loud personal calls and forces you to listen while he talks to his real estate agent about buying a house or his partner about booking a vacation.
These showboaters also like to throw a grenade into a conversation by saying something that is deliberately provocative or offensive, while claiming this is done to “promote dialogue.” The truth is that all of this behavior is about getting attention.
Kamalyn says, “Don’t force people to hear your personal conversations, especially if you use the kind of language that might bother other people. There’s a time and place to show a big personality, and the office rarely is.’