Non binary parents Sommer and Stephanie reveal they told doctor to not announce baby’s sex at birth

A non-binary couple who reject ‘gender indoctrination’ revealed that when their baby was born they told the doctor to keep quiet about it’s sex.

Sommer, 37, and their wife Stephanie welcomed their child Juno, who was later assigned as a female at birth, to the world seven months ago and are committed to raising the baby to be ‘gender expansive’. 

‘We just want Juno to have space to figure it out for themselves,’ Stephanie told SBS Insight on Tuesday’s episode discussing all aspects of non-binary parenting.

‘In the birth room we asked no one to announce (the sex) because I didn’t know and I didn’t want to find out when I was pregnant because I didn’t want to start imposing societal ideals on my baby.’

The loving couple however did admit not using more conventional pronouns does have it’s challenges.

‘When Juno was born we though ‘we are not going to tell anyone what their sex is unless they change their nappy’ and then we found out probably on the first night how hard that was,’ Sommer revealed.

‘It was impossible because when someone asks and you refuse to tell them, they feel like you are attacking them or being rude.’

As part of their parenting style their baby calls them ‘PomPom’ instead of Mum or Dad because its a neutral term.

‘We use the words gender expansive more than gender neutrality because I feel that the word neutral makes it seem like she just wears beige and has no colour in her life,’ Sommer said.

‘So we say gender expansive, which is where there are no limits, and no restrictions on how our baby will be able to express themselves regardless of what sex they were assigned at birth.

‘I think people think that comes with a lot of pressure, but we’re putting no pressure on her and who she wants to be.’

The couple had initially discussed raising Juno to be gender-neutral but thought they would instead teach her that gender doesn’t define her until she is old enough to decide what she wants to identify as.

Sommer and Stephanie’s version of gender expansive parenting means Juno plays with feminine and masculine toys, dresses in clothes for every gender and is shown positive role models from both sexes.

One hurdle the couple recently overcame was finding a childcare centre that was inclusive of their family.

Sommer said despite living in a ‘woke’ neighbourhood, the couple struggled to find a centre that was actually inclusive and not rainbow-washing to get more customers.

‘We’ve been looking at childcare places recently, and we always ask ‘Are you inclusive? Do you have queer books?’ and all that sort of stuff,’ Sommer said.

‘A lot will say they don’t, but we can bring them and that they’re inclusive of everyone.

‘But I just think that’s not a good enough answer. I want somewhere that my baby’s going to go, and they’re not going to feel left out.

‘We have found one that’s a rainbow playgroup. So they have a rainbow families meet-up every month where all the parents get together.’

Sommer said they have also struggled to tell their family about their new gender identity and parenting technique.

‘They buy Juno all these feminine clothes and call her beautiful,’ Sommer said.

Luckily Sommer said the couple are able to offset the girly presents with hand-me-downs from Stephanie’s nephew to make sure Juno still has a variety of clothes to choose from.

Sommer said they began identifying as non-binary two years ago after Stephanie began noticing they were suffering from ‘gender issues’.

Sommer had their breasts removed to help with dysphoria/dysmorphia, with Stephanie by their side to help them through the process.

She said their puberty was horrific because they constantly felt uncomfortable in their body and ‘hated’ how it was changing.

‘I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I felt like I was just living my life but had all these female expectations pushed on me,’ Sommer told Daily Mail Australia.

‘It made me really depressed. I went to a girl’s school and had to wear a dress, and I felt like I was wearing a costume.

‘I wasn’t myself. I just felt like a weirdo in a dress. It was a costume I had to put on to go out in the world.’

Sommer, who works as a tradesperson, says their workplace has gone above and beyond in showing acceptance of their identity.

‘They’ve been fantastic. They actually had a meeting about my pronouns before I started,’ Sommer said.

‘They’ve updated my email address, so it has my pronouns on it, even though it’s automated, they figured out how to do it.

‘It was a priority, and that’s been really great.’