Nicole Kidman reveals she 'struggled' after split from Tom Cruise as she recalls bittersweet 2003 Oscar win: 'I went to bed alone'

Nicole Kidman recalled the bittersweet moment she won her Oscar in 2003 following her divorce from Tom Cruise.

The Australian actress, 56, won her first Academy Award for playing Virginia Woolf in The Hours, shortly after finalizing her divorce from the Top Gun actor, 61, after 11 years of marriage.

“I was struggling with things in my personal life, but my professional life was going so well,” she revealed to author Dave Karger in his new book 50 Oscar Nights, according to Peopleand added, “That's what happens, right?”

“I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat on the floor of the hotel with my family eating fries and a burger and went to bed. Then it hit me. I went, I gotta find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is what it's supposed to be when you say, 'This is ours.'

'I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. “If I ever won again, I tell you, I would be out for 24 hours,” she said.

'I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I'm telling you, I'd be out for 24 hours,” she told Dave Karger in his new book 50 Oscar Nights; Seen with Tom in 1998

While accepting her big win, she broke down briefly and told the audience, “Russell Crowe said don't cry when you're up there and now I'm crying,” and was later played out before she could finish her speech.

Then she wanted to go home.

“I'm not a big party girl, so I wanted to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone said, 'You have to go.' You should walk through the party with your Academy Award in hand,” she shared.

“I said, 'That just feels like gloating, and it doesn't feel humbling.' As? You can't walk through it with the award! That feels really inappropriate. They say, 'That's what you do.'”

But she ended up attending the glitzy bash with her Oscar.

'I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking and not enjoying it. I almost apologized, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.'

Nicole's big Oscar win came on the heels of her highly publicized divorce from Cruise.

The couple married in 1990 before splitting in 2001, which came as a surprise to fans.

As she accepted her win, she broke down briefly and told the crowd, “Russell Crowe said don't cry when you get up there, and now I'm crying”

'I was struggling with things in my personal life, but my professional life was going so well. That's what happens, right?' she shared in the book

When she went to bed that night, the star said she dreamed of finding love again. “Then it dawned on me…I have to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, “This is ours,” she shared; Seen at the Vanity Fair afterparty

The Australian actress won her first Academy Award for playing Virginia Woolf in The Hours (pictured), shortly after finalizing her divorce from the actor after 11 years of marriage.

Nicole and Tom married in 1990 and divorced in 2001. They share two adopted children: daughter Isabella, 31, and son Connor, 28; The former couple was seen in 1999

Kidman is mother to daughter Isabella, 31, and son Connor, 28, with Cruise.

Connor was adopted by Kidman and the action star not long after he was born in 1995, but the exact timeline remains unclear.

Sister Isabella was adopted by the couple three years earlier, in 1992.

After coming home from winning her Oscar, Kidman went to sleep and dreamed that he could one day find love again.

Two years later, she started dating country crooner Keith Urban, 56.

The couple married in 2006 and share daughters Sunday Rose, 14, and Faith Margaret, 12.

Last year the couple celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary.

In July, she revealed the unique relationship rule that helps her keep her romance with Urban alive: They only communicate on the phone via calling.

Two years after her win, she started dating country crooner Keith Urban, 56. The couple married in 2006 and share daughters Sunday Rose, 14, and Faith Margaret, 12.

“We never text each other, can you believe that? We started that way – I was like, 'If you want to reach me, give me a call,'” she told the Something to talk about podcast on Sunday.

“I wasn't really a texter. I think he tried to text me a few times but I never texted back. Then I thought: this is quite nice.'

'If you really want to reach me, you have to call me. Everyone else we text with. That's exactly the one thing we don't do.'

Although Kidman has yet to win an Oscar, she took home the Golden Globe for Best Actress in 2022 for her role in Being the Ricardos.