NICOLA HORLICK: A guy in the office keeps bumping into me as he passes by and I want it to stop! How do I tell him?

TODAY’S WORKING life is full of ever-evolving challenges and pitfalls. When is it okay to date a coworker? Can you tell your team to return to the office five days a week? Whether you’re a bewildered Boomer, a confused Millennial, or a confused one Gen Zer, our brilliant new columnist, Nicola Horlick, is here to help. She talks in her biweekly column will use her decades of experience in business to guide you through the pitfalls and put you on the path to success in an atmosphere that is instead supportive of a minefield.

Dear Nicola,

There’s a guy in our office who, almost every time he passes me, just bumps into me in a way that may seem coincidental, but I know it’s not. Whether it’s aggression towards me because of my role in a recent deal, or sexual harassment, I don’t know, but I do know that I want it to stop. He also stands at my desk and rattles some keys he keeps in his pocket, which I find very unpleasant.

Since he is older than me, I cannot challenge this man. I keep thinking about whether I could say something out loud, in a way that doesn’t make too much of a big deal, but still embarrasses him a little – and then he stops. I’m nervous in case it backfires.

What’s my next step?

Sara

Nicola Horlick replies: You can and should definitely say something. The fact that your colleague is higher in rank than you does not give him the right to make you feel uncomfortable. He may not even realize that his behavior is causing you discomfort.

There are two ways you can approach the problem. The first would be to mention it casually in the office. The other would be to request a formal interview with him.

Either way, you need to tell him that his behavior is making you anxious and you want to know what he’s going to do about it. I feel like as soon as you emphasize what he has done and make it clear that you won’t tolerate it, he will stop.

If you speak to him informally or formally and the behavior continues, you have no choice but to go to the human resources department and explain what is going on. If you have a good, professional HR function within your company, they will speak to him and ask him to quit. They will then contact you to see if the behavior continues. If that does happen, they will most likely issue an official warning.

It may be that this is all too complicated and that it has affected your perception of your employer. After all, senior management must be alert to intimidating behavior, especially given all the high-profile scandals in recent years involving young women in the workplace.

Nicola Horlick uses her decades of business experience to help Mail on Sunday readers

You might feel that if the company isn’t taking proper care to protect its female employees from predatory male colleagues, you should do something. It’s really a seller’s market right now and there should be plenty of other job openings for you. However, I don’t understand why you should feel so uncomfortable that you have to take such drastic measures.

You need to talk to your coworker and get a sense of whether his actions are just careless disregard for the people around him or intentional.

Strangely enough, many years ago I had a similar situation at work. A senior male colleague kept bumping into me and I couldn’t tell if he just had poor spatial awareness or if he did it on purpose. Finally it all came to a head when I bent over to put a file in a cupboard, and he touched my butt.

A male colleague, who was at the same seniority level as me, challenged him and told him in no uncertain terms that he should not treat young female colleagues that way. He never did it again.

asknicola@mailonsunday.co.uk