New mom reveals horrifying reality of postpartum depression – from overjoyed with pregnancy to ‘wanting to stab’ the baby

A new mother suffered from postpartum depression and was so ’emotionally numb’ after giving birth that she wished she were dead and wanted to ‘stab’ her baby to death.

The unnamed 30-year-old woman went to her local hospital four weeks after giving birth to her first child, a healthy baby boy.

The week before, she had called the facility and said that her nipples were so sore and bloody that she could not breastfeed her baby, fearing that it would interfere with the mother-son bond.

The next day she told her husband, ‘I can’t go on like this. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t wake up feeling like this anymore.’

The patient was so overwhelmed and upset that she confessed to her doctors, “The idea of ​​having to be the mother of this baby for the rest of my life is too much for me.

“I don’t want to do this now, and I don’t want to do it for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wish I was dead.”

The new mother, who is eventually diagnosed with postpartum depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder, is just one of millions of mothers who struggle with dark and intrusive thoughts after giving birth.

According to the CDC, about one in eight women suffer from postpartum depression, but experts predict that many go untreated, with some even resorting to desperate self-harm or infanticide.

The condition, which is becoming increasingly common in the US, can lead to long-term health problems in babies, such as impaired cognitive development and obesity.

The woman in the case report, described in detail in the New England Journal of Medicinehad a normal pregnancy, with no complications except for high blood pressure.

She had a history of mild anxiety disorders.

Immediately after birth, she was able to breastfeed and was involved in the care of the child.

After four days she was discharged from the hospital, but at home the baby had difficulty latching on during breastfeeding. She called the hospital for advice about the problem.

She also told doctors that she was having trouble sleeping and felt anxious.

Caregivers advised the new mother to bottle-feed her son to ensure he received adequate nutrition, and she was also prescribed an antidepressant.

A week later, the patient called the hospital again, concerned that her breastfeeding problems, including sore, bleeding nipples, were getting in the way of bonding with the baby.

She also had her blood pressure measured, which was above healthy levels.

Doctors urged her to come to the hospital, where she reported that she was still suffering from insomnia and anxiety, but that she was now also suffering from poor appetite and headaches.

She was instructed to continue taking the antidepressants, along with two new medications: lorazepam for anxiety and nifedipine for high blood pressure.

The next day, the woman’s mood deteriorated even further. She said to her husband, “I can’t go on like this. I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t wake up feeling like this anymore.”

He called the doctor and was told to get his wife immediately.

There she talked about other problems she was struggling with, such as sometimes not being able to remember whether she had fed the baby and feeling ‘lonely, isolated, stressed and unable to do most tasks for the baby’.

Former Victoria’s Secret model Chrissy Teigen admitted she suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of her first child, saying the months following the birth were a “sad existence”

Although she was “ready and prepared” to have a child during her pregnancy, she felt like she “got hit by a bunch of trains” when she came home with her son.

She woke up whenever the baby made the slightest sound. And even when he was asleep, she couldn’t get any rest, because she was so worried about him.

She repeatedly told the doctors that “the baby is a good baby” and that she didn’t want to hurt him, but she had thoughts of stabbing the baby.

The woman hallucinated that she was holding a knife and avoided the kitchen as much as possible, because there were knives there.

Whenever she suffered from delusions, she would start sobbing and shaking.

Lindsay Clancy, 32, (left) admitted killing her daughter Cora, 5, and son Dawson, 3, in the family’s Massachusetts home and attacking baby Callan, who was eight months old. Ms Clancy suffered from postpartum depression

Although she spoke to other mothers online and asked for confirmation that she was not a “bad mother,” she kept her thoughts to herself for fear that her son would be taken away from her.

Doctors diagnosed the woman with postpartum depression, which they called “one of the most common complications of childbirth.”

Typical symptoms include mood swings, anxiety, crying, feeling overwhelmed, irritability, difficulty concentrating and sleeping problems. Treatment usually involves a combination of therapy and antidepressants.

According to experts, it affects seven to twenty percent of mothers, and research suggests that cases have increased during the pandemic due to less available support and the stress of lost income and unemployment.

However, research into the true prevalence is still ongoing, as the stigma attached to the condition leads to many cases going unreported.

A 2006 University of Connecticut Research has shown that half of cases go undiagnosed.

In extreme cases, it can lead to postpartum psychosis, a psychological emergency that disrupts the patient’s sense of reality and causes hallucinations, delusions and paranoia.

There is no single cause for postpartum depression, but women with previous mental health disorders or a family history of the condition may be particularly susceptible.

However, it can also affect women who have no history of the disease, due to the dramatic hormonal fluctuations, lack or interruption of sleep, and difficulty adjusting to a new lifestyle.

Mothers who have had postpartum depression once are more likely to have it again, although it is not guaranteed to occur in every pregnancy. Even with treatment, it can persist for months or years after pregnancy.

If left untreated, the consequences can be disastrous. According to research, suicide is the leading cause of death in the postpartum period.

Experts estimate that about one in every 200 women with postpartum depression is at risk of killing their children.

Lindsay Clancy, 32, of Duxbury, Massachusetts, was suspected of postpartum depression and psychosis after she admitted to strangling her three children, Cora, five, Dawson, three, and Callan, eight months, before attempting suicide.

She is now paralyzed after throwing herself from a bedroom window and is due to appear in court next spring.

Former Victoria’s Secret model Chrissy Teigen also admitted to suffering from postpartum depression after the birth of her first child, saying the months following the birth were “a sad existence.”

Women suffering from postpartum depression often experience sadness, hopelessness, emptiness and depression

The patient in the case study was also diagnosed with postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which can lead to new mothers feeling extremely worried about unintentionally harming their children.

This happens to one in ten women and can lead to paranoid obsessions about the danger that could befall the baby, such as whether the baby will suffocate, stop breathing or be dropped by the mother.

The new mother was referred to a therapist and received care at a psychiatric clinic for postnatal care, and continued to take antidepressants.

She also underwent partial psychiatric hospital care, which included intensive daily individual and group therapy for mothers with postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder.

She also underwent exposure therapy, a form of psychological treatment in which people are gradually exposed to their fears with the aim of overcoming them.

This involved cooking in the kitchen with her baby to overcome her fear of knives and the thought of stabbing her baby.

At her last follow-up appointment, she reported that she had a better bond with her baby and that she felt “more confident about motherhood.” She is now a stay-at-home mom.