Natasha Hamilton, 41, reveals splitting from the five fathers of her children led to the ‘sickest, darkest feelings she’s ever felt’ but admits she’s ‘learned from her bad decisions’

Atomic Kitten star Natasha Hamilton is back with a solo pop career and a new single, Edge Of Us.

She’s put family first as a mother of five, but now it’s her time to shine – and she’s coming back feeling empowered and ready to do things her way.

Speaking of this week My dirty laundry podcastNatasha, 41, reflects on her personal life in a rare interview, saying her past heartbreaks have led to the “sickest, darkest feelings she’s ever felt in her life.”

But she said there’s something incredible about “learning from her bad decisions” and learning how to take care of herself.

Natasha is mum to son Josh, 20, with her bodyguard ex Fran Cosgrave, Harry, 18, with actor Gavin Hatcher, Alfie, 12, with ex-husband Riad Erraji, Ella, eight, with boy band star Ritchie Neville and Kitty, nine months with husband Charles Gay.

She said: ‘We are a blended family and sometimes I feel like people can’t fathom how to make something work that from the outside looking in and looks different or chaotic.

“They just can’t comprehend what they don’t know, but I’m sitting here with five wonderful children and my life has continued, blossomed and gotten better despite the trauma I’ve experienced in my personal life.

‘Have I ever wanted that? Of course not! God, you must be angry! I want to wish that on you someday, but I can’t live in the past.

“I’m never going to say I wish that didn’t happen. I’m not going to wish for my life. Everything has made me the woman I am today.

‘I’m probably more accepting than most people because I’ve been through a lot. I don’t judge anyone because of their circumstances. Absolutely not.

‘I judge people how they treat me. You know, how you show respect to people, like it’s about the important things.”

Speaking about how powerful her new single is, she said: “When you’re going through a breakup, from my experience, it’s probably the weakest and lowest thing you actually feel.

‘You get that feeling of a sick knot in your stomach, where you know you should walk away, but you have a lot to lose.

“Maybe you have a house, maybe you have a child, maybe you have a marriage. You feel like you are going to lose everything.

“It’s the sickest, darkest feeling I’ve ever felt in my life, walking away, especially after a divorce, or especially the breakdown of a marriage.

“But something very powerful comes out of that darkness, because for me, for the first time, I just had to learn how to take care of myself.”

Speaking about what she has learned from her past, she said: ‘I’m not looking for someone else to come along and be my hero and pick me up, and then I live life their way – so when they leave again… .

“I’m on the ground again and I don’t know what I’m doing and I have to relearn what to do and I think I’ve held on to a lot of my insecurities or my lack of confidence in myself.

‘I looked for the partner, the person in my life, the man to build me up and make me feel strong. And it took me a while.

“But I realized that if I don’t get my act together, if I don’t figure it out for myself, if I don’t look for someone else, I just look at myself, at my weaknesses and the bad decisions, and face my business and say: “It’s okay that I didn’t do well, but how can I do better in the future?”

‘Life is an experience and even with the best intentions, things can go wrong. So for me it was: I wanted a song about sadness, but also to show the power of: I’m going to be okay and you’re going to be okay.

“You can run away, you can be in s**t and you can still thrive in the future.”

Natasha said she had a conversation with her children before returning to the spotlight and that she is very protective of her brood.

She said: ‘I’m very open with my children. And even before I started this project, I sat them down and said, “Look, I just want to talk to you, because you haven’t, Mom hasn’t been in the spotlight like this before. And people can do things say or they You may hear something you don’t like.”

‘Someone might say something about me. But you have to remember that these are just rumors and not a reflection on you or me. We know the truth. We know who we are. So stay positive, stay strong.

“And if there is something, if something happens, come to me and we will discuss it and we can work on it.”

Because they just see me as a mother, and they love me and adore me, and I imagine if something was said or if they heard something, they would be very upset. And that does bother me, that part of going back.

Sometimes it’s like throwing them into the line of fire a little bit. But this is what I do and this is what I do best.

So we’ve had the conversations, I’ve talked to them extensively, you know, at least over the years, and the kids are just, they’re happy, they support each other, they’re excited.”

Natasha Hamilton, Edge Of Us, is out now.

You can listen to the entire My Dirty Laundry podcast interview by clicking: here