My unemployed sister is being conned by her criminal drug addict daughter… how do I tell her my niece is a manipulative thief?

Dear Jane,

I don’t know what to do.

My niece, who is 39, went to California for rehab two years ago. Before that happened I stopped talking to her because she always called me begging for money – and had even stolen from me in the past.

I stopped giving money years ago because I refuse to engage her habit.

Now my sister keeps telling me how great she is doing; she still believes in her daughter, even though she went into debt trying to help her kick her addiction.

Now my sister has been fired but continues to support her daughter financially.

Yesterday I googled my niece and found out that she has been arrested in California at least three times since she left rehab. She is currently on trial for identity theft and was arrested for burglary.

I don’t know how to tell my sister all or this – or if I should even tell – because she always finds excuses for her.

Bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on the most burning issues facing DailyMail.com readers in her column Dear Jane agony aunt

But doesn’t she deserve to know that she’s basically bankrupting herself to support someone who clearly has no intention of changing her ways?

Any suggestions on how to go about this?

By,

Concerned sister

Dear Concerned Sister,

The terrible thing about having a family member struggling with addiction is the amount of help we often give without realizing it.

Your sister loves her daughter, and imagine how difficult it must be as a parent to deal with a child who struggles so much with a substance use disorder, and the chaos that repeatedly and persistently accompanies it.

Continuing to support her daughter enables her unhealthy behavior, and I think you have a duty to let your sister know about this.

Unfortunately, it is so often the messenger who gets shot in these situations. Instead of telling your sister what you found out, you might suggest that your sister google her daughter to make sure she doesn’t get in trouble anymore.

I imagine this will pique her interest and she will have her answer without you having to be the messenger.

It may not change anything, but you will have a clear conscience.

Ultimately, it’s your niece who will have to make the decision to change her ways and commit to her recovery, and often people don’t change anything until they hit rock bottom, where her mother’s well-meaning support seems to hold her back . doing.

But they both have to work it out among themselves, and once you’ve introduced your sister Google, you have to get out and drop the chips where they can.