My nosey mother wants to gatecrash my anniversary celebration with my husband

One woman has spoken about how her nosy mother wants to “gatecrash” her anniversary and birthday trip with her husband.

The anonymous woman posted a message on the British forum Mumsnet to ask users if she was being unreasonable by not wanting her mother there.

The woman said, “A bit of context – my mom is a bit grabby. This can be a charming trait at times as she goes after what she wants, and often succeeds.

“But often it borders on antisocial, because she ignores other people’s boundaries and only thinks about getting something she feels like.

“Think of the kind of person who would book a call in town just to get the free food and leave at intermission without speaking to anyone, or sneak into a beach club and spend an hour or two pretending to be a guest.

“As a kid I hated it and as an adult I’m not like that. But we are all different and we are all a product of our past to some degree.

‘My partner just booked us two nights in a really nice hotel in the center of my beautiful hometown (somewhere where my parents still live – I moved ten years ago).

“It’s pricey and somewhere I’ve wanted since I was a little kid. We are celebrating our fifth anniversary and my birthday that weekend.

‘My partner is away for work most weeks and 50% of the weekends, so I’m really looking forward to this short time together. The divorce has been very difficult for us and we are more than making up for it.”

The poster continued, “Since finding out where we’re staying, my mom has been dropping hints that she comes to our hotel on weekends and ‘snoops around a bit’ because she’s never been there herself.

“I suspect she wants to spend the afternoon there or at least poke around the hotel and my suite to see what it’s like.

“I told her this isn’t going to happen — my partner and I want to have some private space to ourselves and not have to think about planning family tours, not even a five-minute show-and-tell.”

The anonymous woman posted to UK forum Mumsnet asking users if she was being unreasonable by not wanting her mother there

“Besides, I can’t help but think it’s tasteless, even though I try not to be angry about it. It makes me really uncomfortable. Mostly the shamelessness of trying to snatch a little bit of something that she DID NOT pay for AGAIN.

“I also feel like this is part of a bigger picture of my family treating my partner as a public curiosity because they like to see him as ‘the other half’ and want some more gossip material. Ugh. Maybe that’s snotty of me, but that’s how I feel in my gut.

“I’ve already decided to be very clear about my limits and give a firm but friendly “NO.”

Has anyone had a similar experience? Or does anyone have a completely different perspective and think I’m way off base with this? Should I brighten up?’

Users took to the thread to tell the woman that her mother was being unreasonable — some even suggested she should lie and tell her to go elsewhere.

Users took to the wire to tell the woman her mother was being unreasonable – some even suggested she should lie and tell her to go elsewhere

One user commented, “I would completely lie to put her on the wrong foot. Say you canceled and rebooked somewhere else and send her the link to a completely different hotel on the other side of the country and ask her what she thinks.’

Another wrote, “You’re not being unreasonable and it sounds like you’re way too late to put some boundaries with your mom. Too bad you told her you were really going.’

A third wrote: “Tell her you canceled because your partner is working away unexpectedly and you’re not sure when you’re going to rebook. Then go and don’t tell her!’

A fourth commented, “OMG, I’d hate to do that — it’s so rude of her.” I’d be afraid she’d show up anyway.

“Mother-in-law can be a bit like that (although we generally get along). Honestly, I just wouldn’t tell her things so she can’t gatecrash.’

But others defended the woman’s mother – with one person saying it seemed “really mean” not to invite her over for drinks.

But others defended the woman’s mother – one person said it seemed ‘really mean’ not to invite her over for drinks

One user wrote, “As a mom, I’d be a little disappointed if my kid stayed in a hotel in my hometown and didn’t want to see me at all. I think you should have either chosen somewhere else or not told her about it.’

Another said, “It seems really mean not to invite your mom over for drinks.” A third wrote, ‘My family is not wealthy but can have the occasional luxury/indulgence in nice restaurants and hotels.

“If I were in your shoes, as this is in your hometown, I would like to invite my mother to tea at the hotel, glad we all take pictures during tea, and I would have liked to say to her “do want to catch up with you and have a quick look at our room?”

“The fact that you don’t want that makes you a bit of a snob in my eyes.”

A fourth commented, ‘Well, I’d probably like to look into it too! However, I would be happy to see photos. Can you make sure you take a lot and then show her?”