My husband SHAMED me when I revealed my secret fetish

Dear Jane,

I’ve been married for three years and with my husband for five years – and we have a great relationship. Or so I thought. I have always been a bit shy about expressing myself in the bedroom and my husband has always been very understanding, helped me to be more open about my wants and needs, and he has never embarrassed or embarrassed me about my nods.

That is until last week when we talked about our deepest desires and fantasies and I told him about a very personal fetish that I hid from everyone in my life for years.

I won’t go into too much detail because I’m honestly too embarrassed after hearing my husband’s reaction. I don’t think it’s particularly disgusting or weird – the bottom line is that I indulge myself in vegetables, something I’ve always found incredibly arousing and erotic.

But when I told this to my husband, he freaked out. He said he doesn’t know if he can ever look at me the same way again, that I’m a different person to me now, and that he doesn’t feel comfortable ever eating anything I cook because he doesn’t . know where it’s been’.

I feel so devastated by his response. This person who used to make me feel so safe and powerful has now dealt me ​​the biggest blow to my confidence ever and I don’t know how we will ever get over this.

Van, Mortified Mrs

Dear Humbled Madam,

Sitophilia is the word that describes sexual arousal related to food, and it’s much more common than you might think. In other words, this is not abnormal and there is no reason to be ashamed.

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According to dr. Mark Griffiths, a Chartered Psychologist and Professor of Gambling Studies at Nottingham Trent University, ‘there has long been a link between eating and sexual behavior on many different levels. Food and sex are both basic human needs and sometimes have a more direct interaction.’

Anyone who remembers the love scene in the movie 9 ½ Weeks knows how erotic food can be – (I strongly recommend you and your husband watch this movie together) – and we remember movies like American Pie well, where food used during masturbation.

As far as fetishes go, this seems to be one of the mildest, and I don’t know why your husband is so shocked, especially considering that you say he helped you express yourself in the bedroom without being ashamed of it. .

Communication is essential here. There should be an honest conversation about how this makes you feel.

I would wait until both of you are relaxed, and start by saying that you experience feelings of shame and anger if he mocks or mocks you for a sexual desire, especially given the support and encouragement he has given in the past in exploring your sex life together.

He needs to understand exactly how insecure and powerless you’ve felt since you told him, and saying this calmly, if you’re both in a good place, the way to help him is here. I suspect he will have no idea how much of an impact his words have had on you, and if he loves you, he won’t want you to feel that way.

Perhaps you could explore eating together as a way to include him in your sexual life: I can’t imagine many men would turn down the chance to spice up their sex life – and this seems like an excellent place to start.

Dear Jane,

I kept a secret from my husband for eight years: his smelly breath totally ruined my kissing for me. I first discovered it while on vacation – and I haven’t been able to kiss him with tongues since, I just find it disgusting.

I have no idea how to tell him without ruining his already fragile ego. Help me get us back in line. I adore him but I’m so scared to tell him his breath is the reason we never kiss. Thankfully he never asks or seems to care that we don’t kiss deeply, but I really miss it.

He has used different mouthwashes and brushes and dental floss but nothing has helped. He visits the dentist regularly and has never mentioned any problems from those appointments. How can I get him to understand that we need to do more to find out what’s going on without making this much more uncomfortable than it already is? I am completely mortified and stunned.

Van, Missing Kissing

Dear Missing Kisses,

Bad breath, or halitosis, can be caused by a number of things, so you need to bring this up, not just because you miss the pillow, but because it could be a sign of something more serious.

The most common reasons for halitosis are poor oral hygiene or food getting stuck between the teeth causing bacteria to build up, hence the horrible smell. But it can also be small stones on the tonsils that form bacteria, or chronic inflammation in the nose, sinuses or throat.

It could be a metabolic disorder or reflux. Be that as it may, if you notice, so does everyone else and you need to help this poor man.

Find a time when both of you are relaxed and tell him that you’ve noticed his breath is getting bad and that you’re concerned there’s an underlying health problem. He’s already seeing a dentist and taking care of his teeth, so he should see his GP now to make sure nothing more serious is going on.

It could be something as minor as dehydration, but chronic halitosis is your body’s way of telling you something isn’t right, so this is a discussion that needs to be had. I would think he would be grateful for the knowledge.

Aren’t we always so relieved when someone points out that we have spinach in our teeth, or that our dress is in our underwear? Hopefully, once you figure it out, the kissing can resume!