A mother of three has revealed that her husband is unwilling to pay childcare costs, even though he earns more than £100,000 more than she does.
The unnamed woman took to the British parenting blog Mother networkto explain that her part-time salary of £24,500 couldn’t possibly cover the childcare bill for their three children aged three, two and five months – nor would they need to if her ‘self-employed’ husband earned £150,000.
The couple, who have been married for six years, recently decided that she would work three days a week because childcare costs “too much for five days” – and they would continue to split mortgage and childcare costs by 75 to 25 percent, with she she took the smaller part.
After her “money-conscious” husband started a new venture while she was on maternity leave, the couple was “struggling financially” and he decided to patch things up by withdrawing his share of childcare costs.
People were far from impressed and took to the forum to criticize her husband, with one calling it “financial abuse.”
An unnamed woman has revealed to British parenting blog Mumsnet that her husband will not pay childcare costs, even though he earns more than £100,000 more than she does. (stock image)
Perhaps making matters worse was that he demanded she quit her job and become a stay-at-home mom, depriving her of the opportunity to grow her “little to no piggy bank,” which she says took place after “three consecutive pregnancies.” . ‘.
She explained, “My husband and I got married six years ago and now I have three children (aged 3.5, 2.5 and 0.5). My husband has always had a well paying job, earning around £150,000 a year through self-employment and PAYE.
‘I was paid £41,000 a year before I had children, then I went part-time and my salary changed to £24,500 – the monthly income after tax/pension is £1,600. The three days I work are the three days my children go to nursery. I couldn’t go back full-time because the childcare costs were too high for five days of childcare.
‘My husband and I had bought a house after our first child and all my savings had been used up. I contributed 25 percent and he contributed 75 percent to the total.
“My husband knew I couldn’t pay more than 25 percent of the mortgage and it was agreed that he would cover 75 percent, especially since the mortgage was based on my full-time salary and I was now part-time.
“He also pays all the bills while I’m pregnant, but I pay for all the kids’ needs, like food, clothes, belongings, etc. Historically, he’s paid 75 percent for childcare and I’ve paid 25 percent.”
To increase their income, her enterprising husband bought four properties to rent out, in addition to starting a new business.
The move was not without risk, because with the ‘rising costs of mortgages, bills’ and ‘general living expenses’ they were now ‘financially struggling’.
The mother-of-three explained that her part-time salary of £24,500 couldn’t possibly pay the childcare bill for their three children, aged three, two and five months – and wouldn’t have to if her ‘self-employed’ husband earned £150,000
“I’m still on maternity leave and have little to no savings due to three consecutive pregnancies,” she added.
“We were very secure financially before we got our third, so at the time the decision to take a third was okay.
“My husband is now refusing to pay for childcare for two of the girls. The youngest is cared for by my parents until she is two. My parents were kind enough to do the same for my eldest two to save me on childcare costs.’
She explained that it would cost £1,600 to send both girls to nursery at the same time, and that they were not eligible for tax-free childcare because her husband earned above the £100,000 threshold.
She continued, “He is demanding that I quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom to take care of the kids.
“I won’t be able to work part-time and pay for childcare based on my salary alone.
‘Am I being unreasonable if I want to keep my job so that I also have a source of income?
“Am I being unreasonable in expecting my husband to pay for childcare, given his salary compared to mine? Especially when you consider that I only earn statutory maternity benefits?’
People were far from impressed and took to the forum to criticize her husband, with one calling it “financial abuse.”
Many parents disagreed with her husband’s position, with some even calling for the poster to get a divorce.
(Head in hands) Sorry, but how did you get to this point? If you are married and have children, all income must be combined. And I beg you not to become a stay at home in that scenario. He is completely selfish. Doesn’t he realize they’re his descendants as much as yours?’
“You are being financially abused,” another commented.
One person advised, “Don’t quit your job, even if you have to use your entire paycheck.” You can apply for child benefit, but your husband must pay this back through taxation. Ask him if he prefers to do things this way.
Someone else said, “It sounds like divorce is a much more viable financial option for you.”
In an updated post, the woman said her husband refused to sell his properties or stocks.
And in agreement with other users, she also considered a divorce: “Financially, I will be better off with a divorce and I think the way our relationship has changed since we are pregnant with our third, it seems like the only option.
“I continue to give my husband opportunities to change and I have refrained from contacting lawyers because I wanted to keep a family unit for the children. He has good days, but with the new venture it really ruined our whole lives.”
Meanwhile, someone added, “Another couple who don’t seem to understand what marriage really is. Everything is shared between you: salary, property, savings. There is no ‘my money, your money’. You should look at your joint income and expenses, not who can afford what.’