My Husband Got A Payrise And Now I Want A Bigger House – But He Says I’m ‘Spoiled’
A woman has split opinion after revealing that since her husband got a raise, she wanted to spend more money on a bigger house, a new car and other luxury goods.
Go to the UK parenting forum Mumsnetthe anonymous mother described how her career took a back seat after she and her husband had children, with her taking on the main responsibility when it came to childcare.
Conversely, with the support of his wife, her husband has been able to focus on his career, and as a result has enjoyed considerable success.
The post, titled ‘Am I spoiled or is he tight?’ said, ‘The background is that both my husband and I work but he is the breadwinner as my career took a back seat to taking care of kids and his career to support.
‘A few years ago he got a new job with a big pay rise. We share the costs, but he brings in more money, so he pays more, but I do everything related to the household and the child.
According to a woman writing on Mumsnet, she took over primary care duties when it came to caring for their children, giving her husband more time to focus on his career. But now, she says, her husband doesn’t want to spend money on family treats (stock image)
“I’d like to move – we could use more space, but also because where we live is fairly isolated, you can’t walk anywhere (which was and still is annoying with having two young boys) and it’s been lonely not being close to friends or family.
“With our combined salary, we could easily buy a bigger house in a nice neighborhood, closer to school, etc. and we could afford to double our budget. However, my husband refuses.’
She continued, “Every time I bring it up it’s an argument and he always has an excuse, which I think is overly cautious – ie interest rates have gone up, he might make less next year, etc. , and so forth.
“I appreciate his concerns and I think there are things we can do to mitigate them. I’m also not talking about going crazy and trying to buy a country house, but more just to use the income we have.
‘He also doesn’t want to spend money on fancy cars, holidays, days out etc etc – meaning all the things I thought we’d be doing now, he earns more. We have savings and I’m not a huge thrift.
“Am I just spoiled and grabby, or is he a miser?!”
Some respondents suggested that the poster was somewhat unreasonable to expect so much money to be invested in a more expensive lifestyle.
One of them wrote: ‘Perhaps he would feel more confident if you increased your financial contribution. What is the current distribution of your respective contributions?’
In the post, the woman shared how her husband had been able to focus on his career as she was their children’s primary caregiver.
Another added, “I think if fun things are very important to you, you should earn more to fund them. It must be very stressful to be the main earner and it is expected that you have to stretch yourself financially to keep your partner happy.”
And a third said, ‘It’s hard to really say whether you’re being unreasonable or not, but I understand your husband’s point of view.
“You’re not just pushing for a bigger house, but a bigger house, in a better neighborhood, with nicer vacations and nicer cars plus more day-to-day expenses. It sounds like a lot.’
Meanwhile, another wrote: ‘It doesn’t matter who the main breadwinner is. But in the current climate, the OP and her husband would be crazy to double their mortgage and invest in luxury cars and vacations.”
And a fifth explained why they sympathized with the man in this situation, noting, “As the highest earner in my household, I tend to agree with your husband.
“Yes my salary would allow us to get a better house, pay more vacations etc but it would put a lot of pressure on me to keep that salary in the future and I am not willing to do that to do.
Some Mumsnetters felt that the man was under pressure to keep earning well, because of his wife’s suggestions to buy a more expensive house and other belongings
“It doesn’t mean my partner doesn’t have an equal say in how we spend our money!”
“It means I don’t want to have the responsibility of maintaining our high income for the next 30 years to pay a mortgage, and in this way lose my freedom to change my priorities.”
However, others noted that by taking on most of the unpaid work, as the primary caregiver, the wife had inadvertently put herself in a weaker financial position while her husband could have continued to earn well.
One of them wrote, “It sounds like you have sacrificed your career and earned your fortune to provide for you and his children, his career has progressed well and he deserves more. What does he do with the extra money?’
Another added: ‘I wouldn’t be happy with this setup and I think a new house is the least of your worries.
“Why doesn’t he do housework or childcare? Why does he get the last word in financial decisions?
However, many respondents were sympathetic to the poster and believed that by taking on primary care responsibilities, she should be on the same footing as her husband when it comes to making financial decisions.
“Why the hell did you give up your financial independence to support his career?”
And a third agreed, saying, “How does it make sense when you’re in a position of financial insecurity right now and you’re treated like a maid and a babysitter by each?”
Meanwhile, a fourth wrote: “He’s in a winning position – he’s got a job and gets to keep the money you let him earn.”
“You work, do everything for the children and the house and have no say in how the family money is spent.”
And a fifth seemed to agree, adding: ‘If I were you I would demand that money be spent on extra child care and that you be given money to retrain you into a role where you can also make decent money. going to earn. He doesn’t owe you that in the least.
“Your kids won’t need you home forever, and with your husband’s controlling, secretive attitude to family money, I wouldn’t want to rely on him any longer than I had to.”