My ex told me the painful truth about my sex style, JANA HOCKING admits, and it turned out I wasn’t a goddess in the sheets

A few months ago I made the mistake of dating an ex I adore. The mistake was not going out with him for a fun night out. That’s always a good time. The mistake was a conversation I entered confidently and then left very quickly with a completely bruised and battered ego.

For some reason, I’ve managed to stay friends with many of my ex-boyfriends. I think I liked them enough to get naked for them so why should we give up on the friendship just because the dating didn’t work. Well… unless they dump me, in which case they’re dead to me. Evidently.

Such an ex is now very present in my life. We managed to turn a dud relationship into a beautiful friendship. Very happy.

About a month ago, he and I, and a group of other mutual friends, were all having drinks and everyone had their own conversations. I was sitting in a corner having a colorful conversation with my ex and another friend. As happens after a few drinks, the subject changed to sex (my favorite subject) and then I got a big ol’ reality check.

Let me start by saying what I like most about this ex is that we can be completely blunt and honest with each other.

Not many people can get away with this brutal openness, but we’ve always been like this and it’s one of my favorite things about him. It’s useful when I’m thinking about serious life choices, or when I’m doubting whether a guy is a good match or not. I call him up, explain the situation and he immediately explains it to me.

“No, that guy sounds like an asshole” or “I think you overreacted to what he said” or “You’d be crazy to pass up that job.” You always need that one person who has no skin in the game to give you an opinion, others may be too nice to tell you.

Anyway, that’s what this man is to me. So when we got to the subject of sex, I asked him how I was in bed. I have to admit that I felt way too confident because I’ve always thought of myself as a stunner in the bedroom. Shameless I know.

What he said next hit me like a ton of bricks.

“You were great, just very fast. I was always just warming up and you were already packing,’ he said.

What!

At first I was super offended and argued that I wasn’t like that at all. I thought we were really cozy in the bedroom.

That was until I went away and thought it over and annoyingly realized he had a really good point. You see, full confession, sometimes I just get bored or a little self-conscious and decide to throw in a few “when harry met sally” fake moans and stop the proceedings completely. I thought dudes bought it – turns out they aren’t!

Now you’re probably wondering what he means by “packing things up.” Get ready for confession number two… we women have a bag of tricks up our sleeve when we decided the bumping and grinding had to stop. When I want a man to finish his business, I usually do one of three things (or all three if necessary).

They are:

– Dirty talk – Lord, you men last about five seconds after some X-rated conversation.

– Dog – thanks to some muscular kegel exercises, this usually seals the deal pretty quickly.

– And the final blow – tell them ‘I want to feel you c*m’. Works like a charm every time.

Oh, to be a man and cum so easily!

Spoiler alert: guys always have a good time and they don’t care how big our buttocks or thighs are. (Thanks ex for another blunt fact)

To my surprise, however, it turns out that men prefer to run a marathon than a sprint, and I crossed the finish line way too early.

His words made me realize that I was not fully present in the moment. I was way too busy making sure the guy came and was worried about how my body looked that I forgot to take my time and enjoy the ride. Honestly, just when you think you know everything about sex, a hard truth comes along.

I’ve been trying to straighten out this dud bedroom act ever since. I do my breathing exercises, get myself out of my head and back into my body, and put my focus more on my own pleasure with less time to worry about whether the other person is having a good time (or worse, noticing my cellulite ).

Spoiler alert: guys always have a good time and they don’t care how big our buttocks or thighs are. (Thanks ex for another blunt fact).

And can I tell you… it works! I found my spark again. Even sign me up for a triathlon because I’ve found my stamina. Who knew an ex would help me improve my sex life. Maybe we should all leave relationships with a helpful feedback form. Now there’s an idea!

READ MORE: I may sound superficial, but these are the ‘red flag’ jobs that make me turn down a date, JANA HOCKING writes, after storming out of a ‘disaster’ dinner in a rage