My brother swindled our dying 95-year-old father and STOLE my inheritance by secretly changing his will

Dear Jane,

Throughout my childhood, my mother often said that each of her six children is equal. And at a young age I still remember the happiness in our family when my parents’ estate was finalized after 57 years of marriage, dividing the property equally among all children.

But unbeknownst to me and my siblings, my older brother, who was the nominal executor of the estate, has made changes to that agreement.

He canceled all financial benefits, including the sale of my parents’ house, for all other children. Everything! To make matters worse, at the time of my father’s death, my father chose not to have any contact with family members, including coordinating legal documents.

After doing a lot of research, my siblings and I discovered that my brother had taken my father for elegant restaurant dinners before his death — and it was during this time that the estate documents were changed, effectively excluding us from any inheritance. .

Instead of dividing everything between me and my siblings, the documents were changed to forward the entire estate payment to my brother, his three sons, and his two grandchildren.

My father was then 95 years old and a widower – and I can’t help feeling that my brother took advantage of his ill health to force him to change his will. I can’t get over how incredibly selfish and hurtful his behavior is. Especially considering we were all once so incredibly close.

This whole incident has torn my family apart and made me feel like I can never trust anyone again, especially men. Every time I think about getting into a relationship, feelings of heartbreak and mistrust come over me — and it all has to do with my brother and dad.

This whole mess has completely destroyed the happy and fond memories of my father as I am furious with him for letting my brother do this.

I never know if I can forgive him.

What shall I do?

By,

Scammed by my brother or sister

Dear scammed,

There are two problems in your letter; the first is your legal status, and the second is your emotions after what feels like a huge betrayal, a betrayal that is much more common than you might think: a family member or colleague taking advantage of an older person.

I’m going to start with your emotions and let you know that it’s totally understandable how angry you are with your brother. It certainly seems like a premeditated betrayal that was well orchestrated, especially considering that your brother then shut down the entire family once he got his hands on the money (some would say grubby).

However, I would urge you not to let your brother’s horrific behavior get in the way of the fond memories you have of your father.

He was 95 when your brother started his ploy to get his hands on the money, a widower, immensely lonely no doubt, all facts that your brother seems to have taken full advantage of. His gratitude to one of his children who eased his loneliness may have pushed him to make decisions that he otherwise would not have made.

In fact, it is quite possible that at his advanced age he did not know what he was signing. You say yourself that you may feel that your brother has taken advantage of your father. No one but your brother knows the full details, but it seems your father wouldn’t have done this had he known what he was doing.

That is why it is essential that you let go of the grudge against your aging father.

If you have been defrauded, and there seems to be a very strong case for this, then it is clear that you were defrauded not by your father, but by your brother.

Which brings us to the legal question. To find out whether or not you’re in time to challenge the will, you urgently need to find a trust and estate attorney with expertise in challenging situations like these.

Valid grounds for contesting a will include:

• Improper Influence: Excessive persuasion was used to force the deceased to make drastic changes to his estate plan.
• Lack of Capacity: The deceased was not mentally competent enough to carry out an estate plan when he died.
• Abuse of Elders: Financial, psychological or physical abuse had been committed against the deceased, which played a role in the signing of a new will or codicil.
• Fraud: The deceased was tricked into changing or executing his will.

I hope you find the way to restore the wonderful memories of your father, and that should you decide to challenge your father’s will, you will be successful.

Dear Jane,

I am a 52 year old male, I have two BA’s and one BFA, and I am in athletic shape, watch what I eat and exercise regularly. And yet I can’t find a woman to settle down with.

My last serious relationship was with a girlfriend I had around 1996 that lasted a year or two. For some reason I felt like I needed a change and wanted to explore new relationships. I can’t help but think this was a big mistake. Since then I have been with four women; two were petty affairs, one was a co-worker, and the last was a friend of mine whom I would meet in a blue moon someday.

In the past I have easily gone four years without sex and currently I am in the same situation again. I’m not saying sex is the reason I want a relationship, but I do miss the touch of a woman I care about.

I am lost. I have no idea how to find a woman. I have a nice home gym so I don’t meet women at the gym in town. I started substitute teaching and every woman I dealt with was extremely obese, much older than me and married anyway.

A few weeks ago, while I was at the grocery store, a woman at one of the checkout counters took my breath away. I was shocked anyway. I’m afraid that if I tried to ask her out and she said no, I’d be uncomfortable going shopping there and seeing her again.

I’ve tried dating apps without success. When I messaged a woman, I asked open-ended questions and showed interest. If I ever got an answer it would be a one or two word answer and that was it, I would never hear from them again…so I would eventually give up.

I’ve asked friends if they know anyone who’s single, but they just laugh at me when I say this. They don’t understand why I would want to tie myself up.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I would really like to have a girlfriend, a life partner, someone who loves me and loves me back. But I’m also afraid that if I find someone I’ll screw it up or get clingy because I don’t have experience.

Any help is appreciated,

Single and would like to hang out with each other

Dear single and would like to have a chat,

In your search for a partner, it seems that you are already looking for the obstacles, even before the search has even started.

I have discovered that there is a truth in life, which is that life is where you look; if you look for obstacles, you will undoubtedly find them. If you get into situations where you expect them to work, they usually have a much better outcome.

Forget about the potential dangers that await you whether you’re clingy or settling or finding that most of the women on the apps aren’t your type.

I would say it’s really hard to tell what someone’s type is from a photo because chemistry is something that can’t be felt in a photo.

Dating apps have come a long way in the past thirty years.

I’ve been to countless weddings and heard about it between people who met through dating apps.

Due to remote working and an unhealthy attachment to our screens, our lives are much more isolated than ever before. As romantic as it may be to come across your perfect women in the greengrocery of your local grocery store, it’s best to throw yourself as wide as possible and focus on finding not only a potential romantic partner, but also more friends. .

Join activity clubs that bring together people with shared interests (hiking, skiing, things like that). Think of matchmaking services.

Most importantly, try to relax, instead of overthinking things, and focus on welcoming life to life’s terms, rather than worrying about shaping life to what you want. The keys to any successful relationship are communication, compromise and acceptance.

Compromising is always harder for people who have spent a lot of time alone, but the awareness of that and the willingness to put someone else’s needs before your own is what makes all the difference in all relationships.

I highly recommend that you find a therapist who can help you work through self-sabotaging behaviors that can get in the way of a successful relationship.