My boyfriend’s cancer was ruining my mental health so I left him
A woman running the London Marathon for her ex-boyfriend has admitted she left him because she couldn’t cope with his battle with cancer.
Danielle Epstein, 32, bought a house with Jelle Fresen in London last year when he was diagnosed with a rare form of brain tumor at just 37 years old.
He required complex surgery, radiation and chemotherapy and had to learn to walk again.
While all this was going on, physics teacher Danielle started having panic attacks and her mental health plummeted – so she ended their relationship.
She moved to Thailand, but remained friends with Jelle – and now runs a marathon for one brain tumor charity.
She said she was still “inventing” her friendship with Jelle, adding, “I felt like the most horrible person, leaving someone because they have cancer, but it hurt my mental health and it didn’t help Jelle.”
Danielle Epstein, 32, is running the London Marathon for her ex-boyfriend after admitting she left him because she couldn’t handle his battle with cancer
The couple were in the process of buying a house in Palmers Green, North London, when Jelle fell ill
The couple bought a house in Palmers Green, North London, when Jelle, who works as a Google software engineer, started vomiting and became dizzy.
After numerous consultations with GPs and ineffective treatments for an ear infection, the vomiting got much worse.
Jelle went for a private MRI scan through his health insurance with Google.
Doctors found a ‘grade 4 medulloblastoma’ tumor – normally a cancer that affects children – and he had surgery in September.
Danielle said, “We were on a certain path to a certain future and within a day we knew it wasn’t going to be that way again.
“I was so worried and devastated, I couldn’t sleep or eat.
“I had panic attacks and was on so much medication to self-regulate that I just couldn’t function.”
When she realized that they had to break up, she moved to Thailand with her father. But she remained friends with Jelle and kept abreast of his recovery.
After his surgery, Jelle had nerve damage that paralyzed the right side of his face, leading to a strabismus that causes double vision.
He also cannot close his eye completely and has to use eye drops and ointments.
She explained her decision to run the London Marathon on his behalf for brain tumor research, saying, “I felt so helpless watching all this happen, so I knew I had to do something.
Jelle went for a private MRI scan using his health insurance at Google, where he works as a software engineer, and doctors discovered he had a brain tumor
Jelle had to learn to walk again after surgery and also received radiotherapy and chemotherapy to treat the cancer
Jelle, pictured, is supporting his ex-girlfriend’s help after his surgery and will be there to encourage her
Surgeons had to cut open the back of Jelle’s head to get to the tumor in his cerebellum
‘I’m not a runner but Jelle has run marathons before so I thought it would be a challenge for me and a nice tribute to him and it felt like something to go to.
“I won’t be fast, but I’m determined to get by.
“Working out has been tough physically and mentally – just continuing when you’re so bored is a challenge.
‘But I have the best motivation; if Jelle can endure all this, I can run a marathon.’
She added that money was needed to help brain cancer research.
She said: ‘The UK is not a developing country; we’re supposed to be scientifically innovative, but treatments haven’t changed in decades and we seem to be lagging behind other countries and the advancements they’ve made.
“We urgently need more research and trials to develop better treatments.”
Jelle, who supports his ex-girlfriend’s attempt to help, said: ‘I’ll be there that day to cheer Danielle on. I think it’s incredible what she does.
“When she said she was going to run a marathon, I had my doubts.
“I think she only did about 5km when we were together and that was with a lot of complaining.
“I have so much respect for her discipline and perseverance.”
Danielle said: ‘I still love Jelle very much and want to support him, but I realized I couldn’t stay with him as his partner.
“We are still figuring things out and finding ways to continue our relationship as friends.
“Our whole life came out from under us.”
Carol Robertson, National Events Manager for Brain Tumor Research, said: ‘We are so sorry to hear about Jelle’s diagnosis.
“While his tumor type is rare, brain cancer is not, and one in three people know someone who has been affected.
“We are very grateful to Danielle for taking on this huge challenge to raise money for our cause.
“Our marathon runners are supported every step of the way and we look forward to cheering her on across the finish line.”