My boyfriend gives me the silent treatment whenever I want him to meet up with my family – people say he is abusive and I should run

A woman said her 48-year-old partner refuses to meet up with her family and “grumbles” when she asks him to go.

The woman told British parenting platform Mumsnet that her boyfriend is currently “sulking in the shed” because she has been invited to her mother’s birthday lunch.

She revealed that he “gets angry, rants and ignores me” in the run-up to every family gathering.

People flocked to the comments to offer their advice, with many saying he sounded “insulting” and that she should leave him.

The message read: ‘Boyfriend rejects my family. My mother invited my boyfriend and me to lunch. It’s informal and in a cafe. We’ve been together for three years.

“He doesn’t want to go. This happens every time we go to a family member or one of my friends. He gets pissed off, makes a lot of noise and gives me the silent treatment in the run-up to the meeting.

‘At the event he is usually polite but not very engaged and then he gives me the silent treatment. Then we have an argument about it.

“He says he hates having to live up to the expectations others put on him, like playing the role of boyfriend. He’s 48 and starting to play a bigger role in the life of my 4-year-old son, whom he adores.

‘He is devoted to us, but this aversion from my family makes me really angry and upset.

“I’ve tried to understand but I think it’s very rude of him not to give my family a chance. They’re interesting and nice people who invite him to things to try and get him involved. We’re going tomorrow and he’s sulking in the shed now.”

Many claimed the man tried to isolate her from her family and friends and alleged he was “abusive.”

Someone said: ‘He’s 48 and he acts like a rude 14-year-old. How unattractive.’

Another added: ‘Red flag, he’s trying to isolate you, the silent treatment is insulting. I would throw this one back.’

Someone else added: He’s giving you the silent treatment? He’s sulking in the barn? That’s manipulative behavior at best. Kick him to the curb. He’s trying to isolate you from your family.

Meanwhile, another added: ‘You do realise he’s trying to isolate you, right? Next thing he knows he’ll be talking about your friends. And when he gets you all alone, he’ll start raising his fists. Seen it a million times. Story as old as time. Run away from this man.’

Others disagreed, saying that he should not be forced to meet her family if he doesn’t want to meet them.

Someone said, “I don’t think he’s being unreasonable for not wanting to hang out with your family or friends. He has the choice to hang out with whoever he wants. The way he does it (the silent treatment, etc.) is just not acceptable.”

“You need to think about whether integration with your family is something that is absolutely necessary in your relationship, and make a decision based on that. You can’t force him to be happy about meeting people he doesn’t want to meet.

“Based on what you said, I disagree with PP that he is trying to isolate you from your family by hating to meet them himself, unless he is specifically trying to prevent you and your daughter from seeing them.”

Another said: ‘I think he has the right not to go, especially if he’s met them before and it’s not his thing. But he’s being very unreasonable to grumble if you go. I’d say that’s controlling behaviour!’

Someone else wrote: ‘Does he have to come? Can you just see your family without him? You don’t live together or have a super committed relationship, so I wouldn’t push for meetings.

“If that’s a deal breaker for you, then he’s not the right guy. You either have to be okay with him not having a relationship with your family, or he has to be okay with him having one. What’s not okay is for him to sulk and get angry and resentful when he sees them.”

Another added: ‘I feel sorry for him. Sulking isn’t nice, but being forced into happy family situations when you’ve had a shitty childhood and built huge protective walls isn’t either.

“He wants a relationship with you where you keep your lives separate. I think that’s reasonable for an adult. We know at this age what we want and what we don’t want.”

The women added: ‘He says he hates polite conversation and feels like he is being interviewed/judged.

‘My family is very accepting and they are really nice people, so I think the problem is more with his perception than what my mother or anyone else says/does.

‘He had a bad childhood and has lost contact with his own family. I think that is very telling.

“I can understand all of these things, but I agree that the hard part is his reaction. The sulking and the silent treatment are not helpful and only make me angry. I’m getting tired of feeling like I’m dragging him along against his will.”