William in Australia

Mother sparks debate about men ‘invading’ female spaces

A woman has sparked a lively debate online after suggesting that men are increasingly using women-only spaces.

The anonymous poster, believed to be based in the UK, led to momsnet to ask others for their opinion on the subject.

In her post, she described two incidents from last month in which she encountered men in places that had been designated for women.

She wrote: ‘I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a mall. I walked in and there were two young women changing their babies and one of her boyfriends occupying one of the only chairs sitting there, sitting using her phone.

A woman has sparked a debate after asking if she is being unreasonable by not wanting men in women’s spaces like lactation rooms (file image)

“It’s a small room with 3 chairs. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’d just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll go away.”

“I ate in public, but this was a small room, so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top while he was basically sitting in front of me.” So I finally asked him if he could leave the room, they looked upset but luckily he left, after she looked at him and said “It’s up to you”…

‘Went to a fitting room in a store the other day with my mum, imagine a large room with seating in the middle and curtained dividers around the outside.

“My mum was just trying on cardigans so she really just needed a mirror, but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18.” His girlfriend was trying on clothes. She couldn’t believe it!

In her post, the anonymous woman spoke about two recent situations where men were using spaces that she felt should only be used by women.

It wasn’t even the locker room doors, just the curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave.

‘If my mother had been changing, she probably would have found a shop assistant, but it’s still not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he shouldn’t have been there in the first place!

‘Am I being unreasonable in thinking that women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we prevent this from happening?’

While many of the respondents were sympathetic, others disagreed with his position.

Some respondents disagreed with the poster’s views and felt that men should be able to enter the spaces she had described.

One respondent said: ‘My husband used to accompany me to the feeding grounds when my little one was little. He would feed me and then he would change him, I was a little uncomfortable feeding myself in public at first so he was my dinner. He was very supportive of all women who fed, so he’d hate to think of anyone making him uncomfortable.’

Another added: ‘We can’t say we want men to be fully involved with their children and then exclude them from areas places like John Lewis reserve for baby fathers. If you want a separate lactation area, argue for that, but you can’t exclude dads from ‘parental’ areas and then complain about their lack of involvement with their children.’

For some Mumsnet users, there was no problem with men being in the lactation room or changing room.

And a third wrote: ‘I’m terribly sick of the trope that we’re all potential victims, all the time.

‘If the feeding area was being used, wait ten minutes until it is empty. It didn’t sound like they were going to be long. Of course, men can go somewhere and feed/change their children.

“Men in fully communal changing rooms would be a problem, where there are curtains and he’s obviously focused on a woman trying on clothes, then it’s not a problem.”

“There are times when men in a women-only space is a real problem, these are not good examples.”

Meanwhile, other forum users felt the poster was being reasonable and agreed with his position.

However, others agreed with the poster, saying that they, too, would have been uncomfortable in the scenarios it described.

One wrote: ‘You are not being unreasonable. I feel that the more women we defend ourselves, the more men exercise the only power they have to take the c *** and invade our spaces.

“It doesn’t help that some women can’t stand being within 2 meters of Nigel when they have a baby. Why does a man need to be in the feeding room or sit next to you while you change a diaper? I think I would have a panic attack if my space was always taken up by my other half every second of the day!

Several forum users felt the same way as the poster, with one saying that women should protect their spaces.

Another added: “It bothers me when I see men walking into lactation rooms, honestly they have no business there.” Just because Jane needs a handhold while she breastfeeds doesn’t mean other women should be uncomfortable with her presence in a place where they should be more comfortable. It’s the only place where some can feed without covering their babies’ faces and pump.’

And a third agreed, writing: ‘The men should not have been there in either situation! You’re right!

‘It wasn’t a mixed-sex locker room, I would have told the man to leave. There were no staff in the changing rooms at the time. I did it on Next a few weeks ago. He snorted and his wife too. But the other women were happy.

‘We need to protect our safe spaces for women!’