A mother has sparked heated debate after revealing she had opened a savings account for her biological children but not for her stepdaughter because she was not her ‘responsibility’.
The anonymous mother of two took to Reddit to share that she had been putting money aside for her three-year-old daughter and one-year-old son since her pregnancy.
But she then said she had not done the same for her eight-year-old stepdaughter, despite being actively involved in her life since she was four.
The woman said she didn’t see why she should have to save money for her in addition to her biological children.
A mother sparked a furious debate after revealing she had opened a savings account for her biological children but not for her stepdaughter because she is not her ‘responsibility’ (stock image)
She took to the social media platform to question whether she was wrong for not putting money aside for her ‘bonus child’ in the Am I the hole? subreddit.
At the beginning of the post, the mother explained that she had no children before meeting her husband, but he had a four-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.
She notes that she cared for her stepdaughter for six months while her birth mother “got her shit together.”
The mother explained, “To say all that; Since she was four, I have taken an active role in raising/caring for her, even when I was told that I am not her mother and that I have no say even though I have done 99 percent of her care and needs when she is with us. ‘
She then shifted the conversation to her biological children.
‘I got pregnant quickly (four months together). And I had my first, three, and then my second, one, when my first was eight months old. “When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately opened a savings account and started moving money into it every pay period,” she added.
‘When I became pregnant again, I doubled the amount so that my children could receive the same amount. I casually mentioned this to my partner, but he didn’t really care. He doesn’t contribute to the account, I’m the only one and I’m the only one with access. ‘
The mother of two further said that she had spoken to her husband about opening a savings account for her bonus child, adding that she was trying to persuade him to open an account for her that he could share with his ex.
She added that they “left it at that” and that she stopped asking questions because “she’s not my child.”
An anonymous mother of two said on Reddit that she had been putting money aside for her three-year-old daughter and one-year-old son since her pregnancy.
The mother said the subject came up again when she was spending time with some friends and told them that both of her biological children had set up accounts with money for them, but her stepchild had not.
‘They asked about my bonus daughter and I said, ‘I will make sure she is safe, fed and knows she is loved when she is with us, but she is not my child or my responsibility so why should I taking away children to give it to her if she has two parents who can do for her what I only do for mine,” she said.
‘I got an idea that if I accepted him, that means I accept her and have to do and treat her the way I was born to her.
“I agree, which is why I make it a point to buy her what I buy my children and treat her as such when she is with us. Most strangers don’t know she’s not mine unless we tell them. But I don’t see why I have to do what her parents don’t want to do.’
At the end of the post, she wondered if she was an “asshole” for opening a savings account for her stepdaughter despite being the “sole contributor” to her biological children’s accounts.
People flooded the comments section, with many of them claiming the mom was “callous” and “cold” for not including her stepchild.
One person said: ‘Not the hole but the way you talk about your responsibility to her versus your kids is cold as f***. It seems mean and cold, but your updates just make it seem like there’s a problem with the way you write.”
Someone else commented: ‘Please don’t call her bonus daughter. It’s humiliating. She is a stepdaughter.
“If she lives with you full-time, have her dad set one up for her and he can contribute. He won’t do it himself, so do it for him.’
People flooded the comments section, with many of them claiming the mom was “callous” and “cold” for not including her stepdaughter
Another user added: ‘You’re acting like it’s impossible to find a way to save for the bonus daughter without giving the bio mom access to the money, which is simply not true. You can literally leave the money in your own savings account and give it to your bonus daughter at age 18.
“Also OP, while you’re not the asshole for not saving, you might be the asshole for abandoning your kids and building resentment between the siblings. How will your bonus daughter react when she realizes that her half-siblings have enough savings for a successful future and that she has junk? Unfortunately, I think you’re taking the blame for this.
“I think you can avoid a lot of resentment from the bonus daughter by treating her as an equal member of the family, regardless of which parent comes along.”
Someone else added: ‘I’m sorry but calling her a bonus daughter is really weird. You’re not the best person to save your savings for your biological children, but this is just weird. I wouldn’t call my stepdaughter a bonus child.’
“You’re the bastard. You can’t say you treat her like your own but then only take care of two out of three. You know this will cause hard feelings later. You already said the mother sucks, so you know she won’t do it. You and your husband should discuss how you will care for the three of you. If mom does come around at some point, you can always reallocate the money you’ve saved,” one person wrote.
However, the majority of users flooded the comments section and came to her defense.
However, the majority of users flooded the comments section and came to her defense
One person said: ‘Not the hole. Her father and mother can contribute. Your husband doesn’t even contribute to the children you share. You don’t have to contribute to your stepdaughter.’
Someone else added: ‘Not that gap… your husband can open a savings account and start catching up on what you’ve saved. He’s not contributing to the savings you started for the two of you, I’m sure he can catch up on that one.”
“He doesn’t contribute anything to yours, so you don’t have to pay for his. Simple math,” another commented.
“Not the hole, but unfortunately you’re the only one who’s going to do it. The other two don’t care,” one commenter wrote.
One user added: ‘Not the hole. She has two parents who have made it abundantly clear that you are not her mother. They can fund an account for her.”
‘Not the hole, but your husband is. He would have to save for all three of his children. You are solely responsible for saving for your kids right now, which is a shame because he should be saving too,” a sixth person chimed in.
“You are not responsible for saving for your stepchild. But I recommend that you stop sharing this information with friends. People will judge you unfairly even if they would make the same choice in your shoes.”
They noted that her stepdaughter’s parents would have to contribute
One person added: ‘Not the hole. She has two biological parents who are financially responsible for her and she should have started doing that years ago.
“It is not your responsibility or problem that you have to deal with. It would be different if you adopted her, which would transfer financial responsibility.”
One Redditor wrote: ‘Not the hole. You sound like a great bonus mom. Her biological mother and father would have to contribute to a savings account for her. You are certainly not obliged to do so, especially if you are saving for your two biological children. Anyone who has a problem with it can open their wallets, you have already opened your home and your heart to this girl. ‘
‘Not the hole. I have to say, you sound like the only parent to all the children, but your stepdaughter actually has two. These serious matters are their responsibility and not yours,” one commenter stated.
After reading out the criticism of her post, the mother revealed that she would discuss with her husband the possibility of opening a secret savings account for her stepdaughter.