Mother reveals she finds having friends ‘stressful’ and says its ‘hard work’
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Mom splits by admitting she finds friendships more stressful than they’re worth – some agree they don’t hang out because it’s too much effort
- A mom messes with feathers online after saying she finds it ‘stressful’ to have friends
- The anonymous poster from the UK asked other Mumsnet users for their opinion
- Many agreed and said that friends mean unwanted “drama” and take a lot of effort
- Others claimed ‘good friends don’t make you stressed’ and said she needed new ones
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A woman has sparked a debate online after claiming she finds her friendships “stressful” and admitting she’d rather be alone at times.
The mother, from the UK, went to the parenting forum mumsnet to ask other people if they found it difficult to maintain friendships
Many agreed with the mother that friends mean unwanted “drama” and that maintaining many close relationships can be exhausting – while others suggested the anonymous poster should find new friends.
A woman has sparked a debate online after asking if anyone else finds having friends ‘stressful’ (stock image)
The UK-based woman asked people for their thoughts on the situation in a post on the parenting forum Mumsnet
The original person started the conversation by writing, “Does anyone else find having friends stressful, so don’t worry too much?”
She added, “Sometimes it’s like trying to maintain a relationship and always trying to figure out what the other person is doing or thinking?”
Many people agreed with the poster, some said that it is not the people themselves that cause stress, but rather the ‘expectation’.
‘I agree with that. It’s not that the friends themselves stress me out, it’s just the state of having friends. It’s just more relationships that you have to take care of and make time for,” one wrote.
“I already struggle with the expectation of having to keep in touch with my immediate family, let alone friends. I also often find the “having a boyfriend” thing stressful because it’s about giving them attention.
Many people agreed with the poster, some said that it is not the people who cause stress, but the ‘expectation’
“So you end up feeling that if you don’t pay attention to your child, your family needs some socializing, or your friends do, or your partner does. It just never ends.’
Another agreed and said, ‘OMG yes. I struggle to fit in time for DH, DC, family, me-time, work, hobbies and friends. I have different groups of friends.
‘When I go out with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I like to be home on that evening.’ She added that this meant she often only saw one group of friends per weekend.
“Some friends want to see me every weekend at night. Some friends want to spend all Saturday or Sunday with me. I work a 50-hour week and prefer to have the weekend days to myself.’
While many disagreed, they said the woman may have found the wrong friends with one person saying she “got better friends”
She continued: ‘Today I just wanted to be in my [pyjamas] but girlfriend really wanted to go out because she had a loose end. i wanted one [pyjama] day for the last few weekends, but I haven’t been able to due to the demands of friends/family/wants/needs/expectations.
“A friend scares me and makes me try to work out her expectations and think about everything while she reads anything and everything.
“I get so stressed. She also messages me nonstop, can be overbearing and bounces off the walls with energy at 7am. If I don’t answer, she’s after me for an answer. She’s needy too.’
However, many people disagreed, arguing that the woman may have just found the wrong friends for herself.
Another suggested that friendships shouldn’t be stressful, while another said ‘good friends are effortless’
Someone wrote: ‘I am the opposite. My friends are woven into my life, they are a big part of my life and I love them like family. We work together, play together, relax together. I don’t know what I would do without them.’
Another person replied, saying, ‘If your friends are making you stressed, I would think about how to make new ones. A lack of social contact is bad for the mental health of most people and is associated with dementia and a shorter lifespan.’
Another wrote: ‘Good friends don’t make you stressed. I wouldn’t say any of my friends ever do that. Get better friends.’
While another said: ‘I completely understand. It’s not the friends themselves. It is the obligation and expectations of a relationship to maintain.
“It’s hard work and sometimes it’s too much and you don’t want to disappoint or upset anyone. However, I don’t know what the answer is. Would like to know.’