Mother-of-two sparks debate after admitting she is ‘envious’ of people with one child

By William On Jan 2, 2023

A mother of two has sparked the debate after admitting she is “envy” of people who only have one child.

Writing on the British Parenting Forum momsnetthe unnamed woman explained that she loves her children, but wondered if anyone else regretted having another child after their first.

He admitted that he looks at people who have only one child and “thinks they have the best of both worlds” since they are parents, but can still “focus on their careers.”

Opinions were mixed as some people said they ‘feel the same way’ while others said they wanted more children.

A mother of two has sparked a debate after admitting on Mumsnet that she is “envy” of people who only have one child (file image)

The woman wrote: ‘To be envious of people who became attached to a beloved child? Obviously, there’s nothing I can do about my reality, so just venting and asking if anyone else shares my thoughts.

‘I have two very dear children, six and three. They are amazing. However, I look at people with one and I think they have the best of both worlds. They are parents, but they also have time for themselves, they can focus on a career, more money, etc.

‘Dear husband and I found our first child difficult at first, the dream was excruciating, and just as we got back on track we had another.

“I was happy with one, but I felt a lot of pressure and guilt for not having another, so I took the plunge.

Writing on the British parenting forum, the woman explained that she loves her children, but wondered if anyone else regretted having another child after their first.

“I adore my second son, of course, but my life now is about being a father with no room for myself and my interests. I used to have a great career that now I’ve been out of for so long I’ll never get back properly.

‘My first son never expressed interest in a sibling, they don’t play together much, they are usually arguing or doing their own thing, competing for my attention.

I wish everything was a little calmer! Has anyone else ever felt the same?

Some people who had more than one child agreed that they wanted to have just one because ‘it would have been easier’.

One person wrote: ‘I feel similar. There are few people I would admit it to in real life, but I wish I didn’t have four kids.

Opinions were mixed, however some people said they ‘feel the same’ and wished they had just one as it ‘would have been easier’

I love them all so much, but I had them all before I was 24 and it’s been hard. We’re fine now, I went to college later in life and we managed. But I feel like none of them have gotten the attention they deserved in their early years, and that they may have been lost in many ways.

“Selfishly, my life would have been a lot easier too, and I think I missed out on a lot as well.”

‘Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I had only had one, at a much older age, or even if I had none at all and it makes me feel guilty for thinking these things. I love them, and I wouldn’t be without them now, but if I could go back, I would have done things very differently. It’s kind of hard to admit.

While another said: ‘Yes, I have four and many times I wish I had only one.’

Someone else wrote: ‘I know what you mean. I absolutely adore my second son, he and I are very close, and I wouldn’t be without him. But my life would be incredibly easy if I only had my first one, who is now a very self-sufficient teenager.

‘I don’t know if my second child (5 years younger) will be as easy going teenager as her, to be honest. Having two is definitely more than twice the work of one.

Some mothers of one child agreed that having one was “perfect” saying “it’s the best.”

Some ‘smug’ moms who just had a kid agreed that having one was ‘perfect’ saying ‘it’s the best’

One person wrote: ‘Having a child was perfect for me, I could afford to take care of one, I was a single mother. I had more time to do my thing and further my career, he had my full attention, we were very cozy together and I was able to afford a nice house.

He is now an adult and has never shown any interest in having a sibling. If I had had two, we would have had to live on benefits and we would not have been able to afford a house of our own.

Another wrote: ‘Smug single mom here. I agree that it is the best. I wanted two, but my husband wanted to stay, so we did.

‘My poor buddy with three is so jealous when I talk about me and DD hanging out, giving each other pleasure. Forgiveness. If it helps, there is a HUGE amount of judgment on my “lonely” son.

While a third wrote: ‘I’m 1 and done. It’s great. And better for the planet.

Many others disagreed, saying they wanted more children or were glad to have more.

Many others disagreed, saying they wanted more children or were glad they had more.

One person wrote: ‘I have 1 who is 9 years old, I think about having another one all the time, I feel sad that I will never have a baby again, I wish I could have appreciated that moment more and I’m only 29!

‘Then I think about money, my career will be affected, there will be a big age difference, I will have to do another 10 or 11 years of schooling. My DD doesn’t want a brother now that she also used to have a cousin who is exactly one year apart and they are very close.

“I think at this point having another child would be selfish and purely for me to experience having a baby again at a more advanced and affluent age. I don’t think it will benefit my current DD.’

Another said: ‘I was an only child and there was no way I was going to replicate that situation for my children (if I could help it!).

‘I have 3 and would probably have more if my husband wanted (he doesn’t). 1 child would be easier for me, but it’s not what I wanted for my children. I understand that I have been very blessed with my circumstances and that not everyone had the same experience of loneliness that I had growing up.

As someone was saying, ‘This is really interesting since I’m on the other side. I have 1 and wish I had more – ds ever expressed interest in a brother and we realized we could have an easier life with 1 but sometimes I still wish

While others admitted that having only one child has advantages and disadvantages, as your child might feel lonely without siblings.

‘One question though: those who have more than 1 and would like to have only 1… Would they like to have only the first and not the next or would they want one of their 2nd/3rd etc. was he the only one?

While others admitted that having only one child has advantages and disadvantages, as your child might feel lonely without siblings.

One person wrote: “I know people who have only had one due to circumstance and feel guilty that DC will grow up without a sibling/friend and also in later life saddled with elderly potential parents etc.

‘One has its pros, but it can also have its cons, like all things in life! ‘