My mother-in-law wants us to move in with her – but I have a list of rules she must agree to before that happens

A woman has sparked heated debate after revealing the long list of rules she wants her mother-in-law to agree to before she and her husband move in together.

The unnamed woman from the US took to Reddit’s popular Am I The A**hole thread to shed light on the demands.

She explained how she wanted her mother-in-law and her boyfriend, both 66, to get rid of their dog, never discipline her children and appoint her as the main deed holder of the house – to name a few.

But readers remained bitterly divided in the comments.

The post, shared earlier this week, was captioned: ‘Am I the hole for giving my mother-in-law a list of demands/rules after she asked us to move in with her?’

It started with drawing up a list of rules, numbered one through six, which read: “She SHALL get rid of her dog.

‘Her and her boyfriend are not allowed to scold my children at all and are expected to come and tell me or my husband when my children do something wrong.

‘There will be a list of people who are not allowed in the house. (Their family and their friends).

‘I, my husband and my children WILL be treated with respect at all times and I will not be treated like a child.

‘My husband and I are absolutely put on the deed as the main deed holder before we move in.

“If any of these demands are not met to the highest standard, I will withdraw.”

The disgruntled woman then unraveled the difficult family dynamics even further.

‘My mother-in-law is getting older. Not old, but her health isn’t the best. She recently asked us to move in with her because she can no longer work, has no pension fund and can’t make ends meet like she used to.

‘She needs help and we are the only ones who can help her. She has until the end of the month to pay off $12,000 in back taxes before her house is foreclosed on.

“My mother-in-law is a wonderful woman in her own right. I love her dearly. But she’s an extreme people-pleaser and it’s definitely put her in situations that I could never put myself in.”

She continued: ‘Her boyfriend is 66-year-old ‘Mason’. A felon, due to his persistent drunk driving charges. He just got out of prison last year after six years inside and is already drinking again, all day, every day.

‘He got drunk one night eight months ago and decided to adopt a five-year-old Rottweiler Mastiff mix, but then failed to train the animal.

“It’s now food aggressive, kennel aggressive, toy aggressive and the resources are guarding everything. He is aggressively protective of my mother-in-law. So the dog would have to go. Under no circumstances will I make an exception to this.

‘My children are small (one crawling) and that animal doesn’t get the chance to tear my children apart. The dog is staying, we’re not moving in, period.’

She then explained, “Mason also has an old-fashioned parenting style and has tried to father my children more than once in an angry, outdated parenting style. That’s why I said that neither he nor my mother-in-law will reprimand/discipline any of my children in any way.

‘I said my name will be put on the deed before I move in because it will be my husband and I who will split the money to save their house and honestly I don’t trust Mason won’t try to save us kick us out after we do that. So.

‘So if we are not appointed as the main deed holder, we will not live there and she could lose her home.’

The concerned mother justified her other demands when she explained: ‘As for the limit on who is allowed in the house, Mason has a relative who is a convicted pedophile (the girl was four years old – he served 13 years in prison) where he often interacts with.

‘He seems to think that since the man is in a wheelchair, he is now ‘harmless’. Absolutely not. He is not welcome at home.

“As for them treating us with respect under all circumstances and not treating me like a child, there have been several times where Mason and my mother-in-law have tried to make decisions for me and my husband, or told us what to do and I will not tolerate it.”

She revealed that she had already presented the list of demands that met with resistance.

‘Mason and my mother-in-law both say that the list makes them feel like children/guests in their own home and that I feel like I have now decided that I am going to control their lives and have asked for changes.

“As in, they want to keep the dog and have stated that we will just find a way to keep the dog separate from us (no).

“Mason also wants his relative to be allowed here but has stated that he will keep them in their part of the house and away from my children (no).

‘They also believe they should be able to reprimand and discipline my children when they do something wrong, as long as it is ‘within reason’ (no). I told them they can talk to the parent and that is final. I said I won’t give in.’

Other family members have since branded the woman ‘ridiculous’, prompting her to ask if she was wrong.

Unsurprisingly, the post was quickly flooded with comments, leaving readers bitterly divided.

On the one hand, there were those who argued that the woman was not wrong.

One person wrote: ‘NTA. It sounds like everything on this list has a very valid reason. It sounds like you would not only be a financial support, but also a caregiver. You certainly need basic boundaries for that.’

Another said: ‘NTA. You are responsible for your children, and moving in with them seems like too much of a risk to take.”

And a third simply commented: ‘Not at all, boundaries are important.’

But on the other hand, there were some who said she was the ‘jerk’ in this situation.

“YTA, for even considering this living situation. If it was my wife and I in this situation, and she said it was either me and my mother-in-law, or her problems or divorce, I would be on the phone with a lawyer so quickly her head would be spinning,” someone wrote. .

Another shared: ‘YTA for even considering this arrangement. You are not responsible for your MIL’s terrible life choices.

‘If you move in with them, your children, your finances and possibly your marriage will be in jeopardy. Have her file for bankruptcy and move into a senior apartment.”

Someone else explained: ‘YTA. Because you are considering placing your vulnerable children with an active alcoholic.’