Angela Lee – the current ONE Atomweight World Champion – has revealed that her 2017 car accident, in which her vehicle “rolled over about six times”, was a suicide attempt after previously stating that she “rolled over about six times”. had dozed off” while driving.
On Tuesday, the 27-year-old MMA fighter shared her truth, detailing her mental health struggles, which led her to contemplate suicide just days before a scheduled fight, in a powerful essay published online.
Lee says she was going through an arduous weight loss six years ago, when her body wasn’t responding to shedding a few extra pounds that needed to be shed before her fight. Circumstances worsened over time, as Lee desperately searched for a way out so she wouldn’t have to fight and possibly disappoint fans, family and friends by failing to be proclaimed champion.
“My car accident in November 2017 was not an accident. It was a suicide attempt,” Lee wrote in a post shared by The Players’ Tribune.
“I was preparing for my last title defense of the year, things started to snowball for me. The pressure, stress and expectations began to mount. I had tunnel vision and thought this upcoming fight was the most important thing in my life. Looking back, I had everything I could have wanted at the time, but I didn’t realize it. I didn’t fully appreciate it. Because I had gotten to a point where making weight for this fight was the most important thing in the world to me.
Angela Lee wanted to find a way out of a fight in 2017, so she considered suicide, she said.
Lee (left) is the current ONE Atomweight World Champion. Pictured fighting Jenny Huang in 2017
Lee said she had to lose 12 pounds for the fight, but her body was not responding well to the weight cut.
“I told myself: if you don’t do this, you’re going to lose everything. And, as an athlete, in all honesty, this mentality can be helpful and motivating. But it is also a double-edged sword. And, with me, I got to a point where I had pushed my mind and body too far. I couldn’t help but think of the shame that would result if I wasn’t able to participate in the fight.
“For me, who had never missed a competition in my entire life, this terrified me. It’s become all-encompassing,” Lee added. “And eventually, I got to a point where I’d rather remove myself from the equation than deal with what might happen.” That’s where my head was. It was all or nothing.’
Knowing she had lost 25 pounds, Lee admitted to trying to harm herself so she couldn’t fight. She first tried to break her arm before giving herself a concussion.
None of these options worked, so Lee went for a night drive near where she lived in the Hawaiian town of Waipahu to kill herself while sitting behind the wheel.
“I just put my foot all the way on the gas pedal. As far as that goes,” Lee recalls. “I don’t know how fast I was going. But that was as fast as my car could go. I wanted to hit the guardrail as hard as I could, and I just remember turning the wheel and swerving, and then hitting something, and then it was just… rolling . Roll and roll and roll.
Lee also revealed that she still cried when talking about the traumatic episode in her life in 2017.
“When I opened my eyes, I was upside down. There was broken glass everywhere. I remember waiting in that car for a while, hanging upside down, just trying to take everything in. Like… Am I still here? Am I still alive?
In the months and years following her car accident, Lee said only her husband knew the reality of what happened.
The Canadian-born American wrestler also remembers the long journey it took for her to finally come to terms with what happened, as she tried to recover from her suicide attempt.
“Everything about this healing process has of course been a challenge,” Lee said. “It has been far from easy. But every time I share my story with another person… I still cry. The tears are still flowing. My voice is still shaking. But each time, it gets a little better.
“At this point, I do my best every day, and every day is different. But I’m okay with that. I realize that I am only human, we all are. We are not meant to live perfect, impeccable lives. I learned that this life is life. It’s about growing up and learning to accept yourself. Some days are good, some days are hard, but every day I choose to keep fighting.
“There are still many difficult days. But the way I get through those days is much better now. Much healthier. I have tools and people I can rely on to let them know how I feel.