Millie Mackintosh makes difficult decision to take medication to battle her anxiety which left her in ‘constant fear’ and caused panic attacks ‘every few days’
Millie Mackintosh has decided to go back on medication to combat her anxiety after it left her feeling “constantly scared” and suffering panic attacks “every few days”.
The 34-year-old reality star first spoke openly about her anxiety issues in 2018. The symptoms peaked when she was pregnant with her first child, daughter Sienna, who is now four.
On Saturday she revealed she has been back on medication for six months and her husband Hugo Taylor, 38, even said he feels like he has the old Millie back.
Despite suffering from severe anxiety and depression for years, Millie first started taking medication in 2022 and stopped taking it six months later.
Millie, who also has a second two-year-old daughter, Aurelia, with Hugo, wrote on Instagram: ‘I’ve been thinking about this for a while but I wanted to wait until I was ready to talk about it.
Millie Mackintosh has decided to go back on medication to combat her anxiety after it left her in ‘constant fear’ and causing panic attacks ‘every few days’
The reality star first spoke openly about her struggles with anxiety in 2018, and her symptoms peaked when she was pregnant with her first child (Millie pictured in April)
Millie revealed on Saturday that she has been back on medication for six months and her husband Hugo Taylor, 38, even noted that he feels like he has the old Millie back.
The start of a new year, we are told, should be greeted with enthusiasm and excitement about what the next 12 months will bring.
‘For me, 2024 started with a fear that was unheard of. I was having panic attacks every few days and living in constant fear. I couldn’t hold back the tears every day and I felt unsafe in my own body.
‘Being on guard all day didn’t just cause me to have trouble sleeping. I wanted to sleep all day (while knowing I couldn’t), was exhausted in the evenings and had insomnia. Mealtimes also became an unwanted trigger, which made it harder for me to eat. In a very short time I lost a lot of weight, which led to a physical, mental and emotional burnout.
‘The tools I normally used weren’t working. I knew that going back to therapy with my psychiatrist might send me down a path I’d been trying to avoid for the past two years. But I knew I needed help and that I needed to put my trust in a professional who would know better how to get me back on track.
‘As I suspected and quite frankly feared, the first protocols put in place were the suggestion of medication, along with regular ongoing therapy using a combined CBT and EMDR approach. The second was to immediately relax and take time off so that I could reset and rebuild some solid foundations for when I could slowly start to throw myself back into life and work.
“Even though I knew it was the right decision, starting medication again caused me even more anxiety. My previous experiences weren’t great. That’s why I wrote off this option years ago and even talked about it on my podcast.
‘I had this story in my head that all medication would make me feel the same. Of course, in reality that’s not true, if you have the right support and guidance, which is especially essential when adjusting and dealing with side effects, the outcome can be positive.’
She ended: ‘Caption continued in the carousel.’
Millie, previously married to English rapper Professor Green, has two children, both with Hugo. Daughters Sienna, four, and Aurelia, who turns three in November (both pictured in June)
Millie explained the frightening symptoms that led her to go back on medication, including insomnia and a severe loss of appetite
Since her six-month stint on medication in 2022 and before, Millie has used natural remedies like meditation to help reduce her symptoms
Millie explained how difficult it was to make the decision to go back on medication, even though she believed it was the right decision, as she had not had a positive experience with it before
She told her 1.3 million followers that she doesn’t plan on taking medication forever and that she will continue therapy
Millie revealed that she had been living with high functioning depression and anxiety for years and that recovery began when she became a teetotaler. She admitted that she felt ashamed of the fact that she was taking medication
She acknowledged how far society has come in removing the stigma surrounding mental illness, but said it has not gotten there yet and that she still downplays her medication use.
Millie concluded the emotional post with messages of support for any followers going through similar things, urging them to contact mental health charity Mind
The carousel began with a photo of a smiling Millie, before the caption continued: ‘I now realize, after consistent therapy, that I pretended everything was fine for a long time.
‘Not only to the outside world, but also to myself: denial is beautiful, until you can’t pretend anymore!’
“I had been struggling with depression and anxiety for years. Two years ago I quit drinking alcohol. That was the first step to really look at myself and nourish the parts that needed healing.
‘I realized that part of my resistance to taking medication was out of shame and what people would think, because I had said many times before that it wasn’t working for me. Prioritizing wellness practices made me feel much better, which I did for a while.
While the stigma surrounding mental health and medication has diminished significantly in recent years, it still lingers.
‘I like to say that I take medication, but it’s always quickly followed by the comment, “But it’s only a low dose and I don’t plan on taking it for long.” That makes me less of a target for comments from others.’
“All I know is that I’ve been on the road for six months now and I’m slowly but surely looking at myself in the mirror again and feeling more like myself than I have in years. Even Hugo feels like he’s back to his old self.
“Everyone’s journey is different and medication isn’t for everyone. I’d like to be medication free in the future, but I’m not going to put a hard line on that.
‘Right now I’m focusing on therapy so I can really get to know myself and understand what’s causing the anxiety, panic attacks and depression.
The family took a group photo for Instagram on the steps of their home for the weekend, with Aurelia standing between her parents and Sienna sitting behind her
‘Now I can at least compensate for that with the feeling of joy, the ability to actually laugh and mean it, and the energy to do the things I know are essential for my body and mind (biohacking, breathing exercises, supplements, exercise, meditation).
‘Medication is just another part of my self-care routine that helps me feel – really good! Your journey is unique, and it’s okay to get help in whatever form works best for you. Just know that you are not alone. There is power in seeking help.
Millie concluded her post with the powerful words: ‘If you’re struggling, @Mind Charity has some amazing resources. Please don’t shut yourself off. There are people who care, who will listen and help you!
If you are struggling with your mental health, visit www.mind.org.uk