MIKE BROWN: Missing World Cups can be devastating – I was in tears in 2019

Waiting to find out if you have been selected for the World Cup is a horrible experience. I had the good news in 2015 and the bad news in 2019 and I hated every second of the build up. You want to do what’s best for the team, but at the same time you want to push yourself forward.

Giving the phone to Eddie Jones four years ago after he told me I wasn’t going to Japan was one of the hardest moments of my career. We had come back from Treviso on Saturday – the day after I had a run-in with Ben Teo – and Eddie let all the players know on Sunday.

Waiting for that call was brutal. I went upstairs to get it away from my wife and Eddie said the reason I didn’t go was because of what happened to Teo. I knew that wasn’t really the case. The reason was that he had changed his idea of ​​how England wanted to play and Elliot Daly suited him better. I felt like I never really got an honest explanation.

I went back to the living room to tell my wife and there were tears. She cried, I cried. Your family knows how hard you work and they also make sacrifices by spending all that time alone at home while you are in camp for weeks on end. They go through all the emotions with you.

I was back in Harlequins practice on Monday, right back in it. You don’t want to walk around sad, but deep down you’re devastated. You feel like everyone is talking about it, looking at you, not sure what to say to you. You feel a bit like a failure.

During the 2019 World Cup, I couldn’t bring myself to watch the matches. The only match I’ve been to was the US match because I did some hospitality work. It feels like the end of the world because you’ve been in this little bubble, but eventually you realize it isn’t.

There’s no right way to break the news that someone isn’t on the team. If you’ve been through it, the only way to soften the blow is to talk to the person. Many people go about it wrong.

In 2015, under the guidance of Stuart Lancaster, we found out for a team meal at an Italian restaurant in Bagshot. Some guys who missed it got in their car and drove home and a couple came over for dinner.

You could tell they wished they had gone home too. There was a bit of a scare because there hadn’t been much clarity. Every week new faces came and went from the camp. Guys like Kyle Eastmond, Danny Cipriani and Luther Burrell never really knew where they stood.

To Steve Borthwick’s credit, it sounds like he’s given his players as much clarity as possible. The captains have already been told they are going to the World Cup and few in the shoot-out knew where they stood. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

Selection is about fitting into the coach’s model – as I found out when I missed Daly in 2019. Steve has built his own model around kicking, set pieces and defense – and that will suit certain players better than others.

Borthwick want three players back who will win the air game on either side of the ball. Joe Cokanasiga’s few fumbles yesterday will not go unnoticed and I don’t think he offered enough with his strength to compensate.

There are still a few spots up for grabs at the back and I think Cokanasiga played itself out. Joe Marchant is able to play across the board and he was the one who was ‘possible’ to really step up, so I think he has to go. Henry Arundell should also be a bit of a wildcard.

It was quite obvious that many of yesterday’s XV were fighting for their place on the plane. A lot of them are probably third choice and I don’t think guys like Guy Porter, Tom Pearson and Tom Willis have done enough. And that’s good news for Alex Dombrandt, who I think should sneak in.