Michail Antonio opens up on starting therapy after ‘praying for an injury’ as the West Ham star admits he fell out of love with football in the wake of his divorce

Michail Antonio has revealed he is undergoing therapy after falling out of love with football, to the extent that the West Ham star once hoped injury would sideline him.

The 34-year-old arrived in the Premier League nine years ago after a meteoric rise from non-league club Tooting & Mitcham United, following spells at Reading, Sheffield Wednesday and Nottingham Forest.

But despite a lengthy spell in the English top flight, Antonio felt increasing pressure on his mental health following his divorce from ex-wife Debbie Whittle.

The forward admitted that he “just started to hate the game” amid a period of extreme fatigue caused by events outside football, at a time that should have been one of his happiest: winning the Europa Conference League with West Ham. at the end of last season he was severely ‘mentally exhausted’.

“I was dealing with my divorce and everything, and I honestly couldn’t ignore it,” Antonio said the High Performance podcast. ‘After we won the whole team went out, the gaffer (David Moyes) went out, got going, a few of the lads didn’t sleep for two days, just got drunk for two days.

‘I slept on the bus and went back to the hotel. “I was just mentally exhausted from everything that was happening outside of my football and then I went back to the hotel and went to sleep while everyone was partying.”

‘It wasn’t until December that I was in a better place and thought, “Oh my God, I’ve won a European Championship.”

But even before the celebrations in Prague at the end of the 2022-2023 season, Antonio felt overwhelmed by a sense of apathy towards his playing career.

The forward noted during a match in December 2022 that he kept thinking: ‘I don’t enjoy football.’

‘During the match I thought: ‘I really don’t like this.’ I just felt pretty negative. I am a very positive person myself.

“I didn’t score from December until I think it was March, April. And I just felt exhausted. And then I left with Jamaica because for some strange reason I enjoyed football with Jamaica. But I was actually praying for an injury.

‘I was like, “I just want to get injured, I want some time off.”

“And then I left with Jamaica and did my medial (knee ligament, in November 2023).

‘I thought to myself, “I’m 33. I can’t afford to perform like this or I won’t get a new contract.”

“So it’s all those things circling through your head. You think: “Is this the end for me? Is this my football career over?”

After first seeking help in December 2022, Antonio met with a number of therapists after first seeking support from his club’s doctors and the PFA before finally deciding to take the next step on his own.

Antonio cited the grueling club and international demands on players’ schedules as contributing to his feelings about football, adding: ‘Because football is just constant, you’re in it all the time.

‘As soon as your life depends on it, as soon as people constantly berate and criticize you, it becomes a job.

“So it doesn’t matter how good it is, it doesn’t matter how much you love the game, it’s going to be a real job for you.”

‘I started therapy because I was really having a hard time with it. And how I grew up, it was never a thing. I thought therapy was for crazy people. But therapy changed my life. It was awkward at first, I’m not going to lie. You were sitting in the room, there was someone and said, “How are you?”

“And your natural response is, ‘Fine.’ So he says, ‘Why are you here?’ I was like, “To be honest, football, I’m having trouble with football, I broke up with my wife.”

Before undergoing the experience for which he ultimately sought therapy, Antonio saw the game as his “escape,” adding that whatever personal struggle he had for it, “I went to football, and I was able to do it for the two hours I was there , darken. there or the four hours I was there.”

“But then my life turned upside down a little bit because obviously I’m splitting up with my wife and my wife, and I’m also not performing on the field and I’m just not doing well,” Antonio added . .

‘And then I’m someone I would never cry with. And while I was talking to him, I burst into tears. It was uncontrollable. That gave me some kind of relief. And then it felt like my chest felt clear.”

The player claimed that he is currently undergoing weekly sessions and will look to continue the therapy for another two years.

Antonio, who co-hosts the BBC Footballer’s Football Podcast with Newcastle’s Callum Wilson, insisted that despite being seen as a ‘very confident person’, therapy had helped him understand his difficulty relaxing into himself.

“Because I faced a lot of trauma growing up,” Antonio added. ‘So I avoid being inside myself. And that’s one thing I learned through therapy, because it was true.”

The Premier League striker added that the difficulty of making friends and coming into contact with the wrong people as a teenager was another possible factor that could contribute to his struggles with his self-esteem.

“Let’s just say I had trouble making friends when I was in elementary school,” Antonio noted. “There was no one who was, I would say, my best friend until I was 12 and then that person left.

‘When I was 14 I thought these people were my friends, these guys end up stealing a bike. The people were caught with the bicycles.

‘They gathered around and said, ‘Michail did it.’ “I’ve been friends with them for three years and go to school with them every day, so I started to distrust people.”

But Antonio was keen to emphasize that he is working to get to a better place, and would like to continue his career for ‘three more years’.

The Jamaican international will look to do this next season under new West Ham manager Julen Lopetegui.

The former Wolves head coach will replace outgoing boss David Moyes, who will end his second spell at the east London club with the final game of the campaign on Sunday.