KENNEDY: ‘Me First’ Meghan is in a situation stickier than huckleberry jelly! Kate’s tragic cancer news now means ‘American Riviera Orchard’ must wither on the vine… or else the Duchess risks looking like an unfeeling Viscountess of Venom

Did Meghan fail ‘me first’ Markle?

The launch of the ‘American Riviera Orchard’ turns into a huge headache for Princess Neverwas.

As mad fascination bubbled around the MIA Princess of Wales last month, Meghan unveiled her glossy, gray lifestyle brand.

Some suggested the Duchess was callously hitching a ride on the so-called Kategate to flog her new jams, spreads and silly bits. Others said they couldn’t believe she was cooking so casually in a white top without an apron in that cringe-inducing, splashy promo video.

Either way, the timing felt like a slight to the Waleses.

Crude rumors from the United States about the health of their marriage reached boiling point. The dirty duo of Andy Cohen and Stephen Colbert made jokes at Kate’s expense. And the proximity of Meg’s Insta reveal felt a little too close for Californian comfort when Prince William just took the stage in London. hours later, during an awards ceremony in honor of his late mother. Ouch!

Of course, the brand itself is a shameless royal masquerade. (See Meghan, Duchess Defector, decked out in a floor-length ball gown and the faux-nonsense gold embroidered logo.)

Perhaps with the gossip gremlins working overtime to blow hot air on the stricken Kate, Meghan couldn’t pass up the opportunity to rub up against the royal fairy dust.

After all, a loose Windsor association and looser lips are the only things keeping her relevant. Spotify and the harsh desert of Hollywood hardly allow her to climb Mount Olympus.

And so, wrapped in sepia and Montecito musk, she promises fragrances and serums, dog beds, doilies and napkin rings galore.

Or is that her?

You see, now that we know the devastating truth about Kate’s cancer diagnosis, this Martha Stewart misadventure looks a little Harry.

Even Meghan, who’s never afraid to stick her LA belt where it’s not wanted, must be sure that any product release of balsamic fig dip or grievance-scented sticks would now make her look like a truly unsympathetic Viscountess of Venom .

Should the whole homewares project, the Tig 2.0 and a promised Netflix cooking show wither on the orchard?

The South Park screenwriters certainly hope so.

It seems to me that Meghan is in a situation more difficult than blueberry jelly, but really she only has herself to blame.

Although Kate’s cancer was still a secret at the time of the brand’s launch, Meghan, like all of us, knew that the 42-year-old mother of three was recovering after abdominal surgery. Clearly something serious was going on.

She needs her vegan leather walking boots to get out of here. But our Meghan is nothing if not a transformer.

There is always a relaunch.

Sex and the snowflakes

The entire slate of “Sex and the City” episodes is now on Netflix, which means millions of Gen-Z newbies will be drawn into the wonderful world of phallic brunch talk and Manolo splendor.

The snowflakes can put better smelling salts in their Pradas.

Whether it’s Samantha’s comments about a transgender prostitute, Charlotte forcing a friend to undergo circumcision, Miranda’s interracial fantasies, or Carrie’s distaste for a lover’s bisexuality, these pre-MeToo gems explode like politically incorrect confetti cannons.

Brace yourself for the Twitter tantrum!

Floridian hell

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ new six-week abortion ban could come back to bite the GOP in their adult diapers.

The Sunshine State’s Supreme Court gave Sleepy Joe a double shot in the arm this week by ratifying the aggressive new law while allowing Democrats to bring the issue back to the ballot in November, just in time for the general election.

Abortion rights largely won the 2022 midterm elections for this administration. And with one-note Kamala already pushing the pro-choice bandwagon at every turn, you can bet Biden will fan the flames of Florida to reignite his terrible poll numbers.

Barbie barb

Shakira won’t be riding in a pink Pepto Bismol tour bus anytime soon.

The Latina crooner – known for her painfully honest hips – has bravely spoken out against the much-loved Barbie movie, saying it made her sons feel ’emasculated’.

She’s right: Greta Gerwig’s feminist shlock-a-thon has overwhelmed every man’s pride to prove that the fairer sex is the best.

But actually, this fourth quarter assessment is a bit too obvious, way too late. What now? Is she going to tell us that Squid Game was pretty violent and that Al Gore really won Florida?

Haughty Hillary

The Volksbroekpak is back.

Hillary Clinton on Monday rolled around with her special brand of sickening straight talk, telling voters worried about Biden’s advancing age to “get over yourself”… and vote for him anyway!

“I don’t understand why this is even a hard choice (between Trump and Biden),” she told talk show host Jimmy Fallon. She made similar comments early last month.

It is this kind of electorate-alienating hobsnobbery that saw her humiliated in 2016.

Beyoncé’s bum note

Whisper it, Beyonce’s new country album is… fine.

For all the crazy talk of a genre-defying paradigm shift, “Cowboy Carter” left me saddle sore in all the wrong places.

Pompous promises of collaborations with legends Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton both turned out to be throwaway interludes.

The rewritten ‘Jolene’ was better when Miley Cyrus covered it. ‘Texas Hold ‘Em’ sounds after the 14th spin. And ’16 Carriages’ sounds like the soundtrack to my daughter’s favorite Disney movie.

‘Protector’ may contain an oh-so-sweet snippet of Queen Bey’s 6-year-old Rumi asking mom for a lullaby, but this lackluster album is enough to put me to sleep.

With friends like that…

Golden couple Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis tarnished their reputations last fall with gagging public support for fellow Scientologist and bearded rapist Danny Masterson.

Karma is a Kunis because Kutcher the Career Butcher is now staring down the barrel another nasty scandal.

While there is no evidence of any wrongdoing on his part, sources say Kutcher fears his two-decade bromance with rapper and accused sex trafficker Diddy could land him a summons.

“Mila will not let Ashton come into contact (with Diddy) in any way,” an insider told DailyMail.com.

Another Ruinous Breakup Chez Kutcher and his ‘Black Swan’ actress wife could be leaving the coop.