How to tell if your husband is a true narcissist… or just an ordinary selfish and hurtful man. The six crucial differences explained
The label “narcissist” is often used to describe someone who exhibits selfish or hurtful behavior.
However, there are some very important traits and behaviors that only narcissists exhibit that can increase the traumatic impact they can have on your life.
It is important to know that not all toxic men are narcissists. However, there are plenty of narcissists who walk around without the narcissistic label and cause chaos.
In fact, a true narcissist would never accept this definition and would never believe that he or she is doing anything wrong.
While a selfish man may exhibit hurtful behavior, a true narcissist has a deeper, more pervasive set of traits, says Caroline Strawson
When confronted, they cleverly manipulate the situation to make someone else – usually the victim – appear to be the perpetrator.
While a selfish man may display hurtful behavior, a true narcissist has a deeper, more pervasive set of traits. Here are the key differences between a narcissist and someone who is simply behaving badly.
Megalomania/superiority
Narcissist: Will exhibit an inflated sense of self-importance, exaggerating achievements and talents. Believes he is superior to others. Expects special treatment.
Selfish husband: May display arrogance or boastfulness, but this is not reflected in every aspect of his identity.
Need for admiration
Narcissist: Constantly yearns for recognition and admiration and is often obsessed with fantasies of success, power and genius.
Selfish husband: Can enjoy attention and praise, but does not have an insatiable need for it. Self-esteem is not so dependent on external validation.
Lack of empathy
Narcissist: Shows a profound inability to recognize or care about the feelings and needs of others. This lack of empathy is a core characteristic (but it can be cleverly masked).
Selfish husband: Can be selfish and have little respect for others, but can also show genuine empathy in certain situations.
A narcissist is unwilling or unable to admit mistakes
Controlling behavior
Narcissist: Uses manipulative tactics such as gaslighting – twisting reality to make the victim doubt their perceptions. Likes to use coercive control to dominate and belittle.
Selfish husband: Can manipulate in certain situations, but is also able to recognize abuses and change behavior.
Feeling real remorse
Narcissist: Cannot take responsibility for his actions. Lacks the ability for true self-reflection and growth, is unwilling or unable to acknowledge mistakes, and rarely, if ever, takes responsibility for his actions (if he does, it is a manipulative act to get you back into his clutches).
Selfish husband: A self-centered man can recognize his hurtful behavior, feel remorse, and make a conscious effort to change. He can show growth and change over time, and can sincerely apologize and change his behavior.
Cause stress
Narcissist: Survivors often experience chronic stress, are always on edge and walking on eggshells, trying to predict the narcissist’s next move. This state can lead to long-term health problems.
Selfish husband: A bad relationship can be stressful, but it may not result in the same level of constant hypervigilance. The body’s stress response may be situational rather than chronic.
How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse by Caroline Strawson (Hay House UK, £12.99) is available now. © Caroline Strawson 2024. To order a copy for £11.69 (offer valid until 2nd September 2024; free UK delivery on orders over £25) visit mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937.